Water, water everywhere, and most of it on the bathroom floor. Getting the faucet fixed was on Zack’s long list of things to do, but there was always something more important on that list – like the next Star Fury raid, a new book or Marvel movie, or the latest forum discussion on ship builds. Pretty much anything was more appealing than dealing with reality, and the virtual world had plenty to keep him busy. Since Star Fury released new weapon, armor, engine, and shield modules every month, the metagame constantly evolved. Sometimes drastically.

Zack shook his head, wincing at his hazy silhouette in the bathroom mirror as he dried off. He had never been particularly athletic, but at least in college he had been forced to walk to and from classes. Even if he did skip a good quarter of his classes – barely passing the attendance requirements for many – he had still left the doom room, burned some calories, and gotten some sun. Now that he was out of his teenage years, the calories he consumed on a daily basis had nowhere to go but to round out his soft stomach, and his skin was pasty from constantly being indoors. He put a hand on his stomach, jiggled it a bit, and winced.

“Not a pretty sight.”

Nothing.

Ever since Zack had taken off his OptiGlasses, those annoying notifications had disappeared. No matter what he did, DaEvo had refused to let him out of the house or turn on his computer, tablet, smartphone, or e-reader. So Zack had finally relented and taken a shower, which was how he found himself jiggling his paunch.

“Well, let’s see if this worked.”

Zack put on his OptiGlasses and waited. And waited.

“Damn it! I knew it was a scam.”

How a program was scamming him by making him shower, Zack wasn’t sure. Rather than follow that particular line of thought, Zack stalked out of his bathroom to the front door, turned the handle, and yanked on it. This time, he did receive a notification.

Warning! Minimum Public Decency Requirements Not Met

Please dress yourself appropriately according to local public decency laws.

Enacting blackout protocols.

“Blackout…”

As Zack wondered what the words meant, the windows darkened, making the mid-day sun disappear behind the now-darkened windows. In response to the lowered lighting threshold, his smart lights turned on, bathing him in a pleasant yellow glow.

“A little buggy, aren’t you?” Zack snarled, not expecting a reply.

The app chimed cheerfully through his glasses.

Your alpha test bug report has been logged.

Thank you for your help in making DaEvo a success!

When the app offered no further explanation, Zack stomped back to his room in search of clothes. He snatched up the first T-shirt he saw, only to pause with his hands above his head as another notification floated across the lenses.

Warning! Current chosen wear does not meet minimum hygiene standards.

Please select an article of clothing that has been freshly laundered or has an olfactory factor < 0.8

“It’s fine. It doesn’t smell that bad!” Zack huffed and continued pulling on his shirt.

Another message appeared.

Continuing your current actions will result in the failure of your current quest (Meet Minimum Hygiene Standards).

Quest Failure Penalty: Restricted access to external environment.

For a second, Zack’s stubbornness at being told what to do warred with the reality of the situation. In the end, he pulled off the shirt, almost knocking off the glasses in his haste. Tossing the clothing to the corner, Zack spent the next twenty minutes searching for something that met DaEvo’s standards. All the while cursing his need to get the best gadgets—including the luxury, limited edition OptiGlass suite that included an olfactory sensor. What the hell did he need an olfactory sensor on his AR glasses for!?!

Zack cursed out past-Zack as he searched. This was ridiculous. He needed to get through this and pretend to learn whatever lesson Phil was trying to teach him so he could get back to Star Fury. The first tournament round was fast approaching, and he was supposed to be warming up with his team.

Finally, he found some long-forgotten clothes under his bed that didn’t offend DaEvo’s olfactory standards and put them on. When nothing happened, he moved to study himself in the full-length mirror that had come with his condo to see what the app could possibly object to now.

He wore a geeky gamer T-shirt that said “My brain has too many tabs open” that he’d picked up at some vintage store and a pair of entirely too tight jeans that he had bought while in college. The ill-fitting clothes made him look even more out of shape than he actually was, pushing his stomach up into a sort of mushroom shape. At least, Zack mused as he stroked his chin, he still had his boyish good looks. Even if he did need a shave and a haircut. He may not look great, but it was the most presentable he had looked since he began training for the tournament.

DaEvo seemed to agree. The app flashed a new notification on his OptiGlasses.

Success! Minimum Hygiene Requirements Met!

Reward provided. User now has access to external environment via front door.

Starting dataset for user has been fully loaded.

Would you like to see your starting attributes?

(Y/N)

A small blinking cursor followed his gaze. Having played a few rather poorly programmed games for his Augmented Reality glasses, Zack knew exactly what to do. He turned his gaze to the yes button, letting his eyes rest on it until the cursor depressed. In return, a new screen formed on the glasses.

Zack Moore Current Attributes (Social Level 8)

Physique: 31

Style: 19

Reputation: -18

Occupation: 0