“Stats?” Zack muttered, a side of his mouth turning up in spite of everything.

He liked stats. He loved stats. They were one of the few things in life that made sense and one of the reasons Zack loved Star Fury. It was a game filled with numbers, from fire rate to turret momentum, relative velocities and turning angles. Unlike the real world, numbers never lied. They never broke your heart by dying in a car crash in the middle of the night.

“Those numbers seem low. Is this out of a hundred? A thousand? Arithmetic, geometric, or logarithmic progressions?”

DaEvo chimed.

Attributes are calculated based on current shown variables and arithmetically allocated on a scale of one hundred.

“Oh good, someone did program a basic help file.” Zack paused, then repeated, “Help? Index? Settings?” Getting no answer, Zack huffed and tried the last, dreaded word for any real gamer. “Tutorial?”

Tutorial files are still under development and will be added as soon as they are completed. DaEvo thanks you for your patience!

Unsure if he should feel relieved or disappointed, Zack shrugged. “Right. Based off a scale of one hundred, we’ll assume fifty is the average. Whose average, we won’t ask, because I’m certainly not a level eight compared to the average American.”

Talking to himself was a habit he had grown into over the last few years. It helped him think and filled his apartment with noise.

“Either way, fifty is probably the ‘passing mark’ in this stupid software. That means I’m failing in all aspects, especially Reputation.” The app gave no answer, so Zack spoke again to prompt it. “Display Reputation calculation.”

Due to proprietary algorithms, calculations on all attributes are not provided.

“That’s because you’re a half-finished pile of drone waste!”

Your alpha test bug report has been logged.

Thank you for your help in making DaEvo a success!

“Fine. Whatever. I can get out the door now. But how do I gain access to my computer?”

DaEvo Life and Dating Protocols Initiated.

Quests initiated…

Abort

Zack Moore protocols in use.

Searching…

Quest Found!

Hold a conversation with a woman face-to-face!

Restrictions: In-person. Non-VR generated. Unpaid interaction.

Difficulty: Variable

Reward: Access to electronics and internet

Zack stared at the words. Talk to a woman?

“What kind of a quest is that? Why does that matter?”

In response to his question, a flood of pink hearts and script text covered his OptiGlass screen. The cheesy music blasted through his headset as an enthusiastic voice read the text out loud.

“Dating Evolution is the next generation of relationship gaming with a real-world twist! Did you ever wish your online skills translated into the real world? Now they can! Follow our quests to level up your love life and earn real life rewards!”

The music cut off abruptly, as if the composer hadn’t had time to write an ending, and the pink hearts disappeared. Zack blinked. A dating sim. Phil had trapped him in an augmented reality dating sim.

Zack swore and stomped around the room, kicking discarded clothing and garbage as he vented his fury. Of all the games he could be caught in, why did it have to be a dating sim? What real gamer would ever play a dating sim? Certainly not Zack. Those were for teenage girls and hopeless romantics.

Damn. This was bad.

“So if I talk to a woman for a minute, you’ll give me access to my computers again?”

Instead of responding, DaEvo flashed the quest prompt again.

Quest Found!

Hold a conversation with a woman face-to-face!

Restrictions: In-person. Non-VR generated. Unpaid interaction.

Difficulty: Variable

Reward: Access to electronics and internet

Zack glanced at the clock in the corner of his OptiGlass display. He was scheduled to meet his team for warmups in twenty minutes and had no way to contact them since DaEvo had restricted his electronics use. No way to ask for help out of the situation or explain why he was late.

And if he didn’t fix this fast, he would miss the first round of the tournament completely.

Phil had left him no choice. He had to fulfill the quest to get his electronics back. Zack gritted his teeth and swore to fire the trustee as soon as he was able to communicate with the outside world again.

“Accept Quest.”

DaEvo chimed, and a heart icon labeled “Active Quests” appeared in the corner of Zack’s screen.

Twenty minutes until warmups, and he needed to complete a one-minute conversation to earn the privilege of using his electronics.

In theory, he had time for twenty conversations, but first he had to find a woman.

That was a pain, but not too difficult all things considered. Find a woman. Talk to her. Then he would have his electronic access back and this nightmare would end. Phil would have had his little joke and could go back to managing the trust from afar and letting Zack do whatever he wanted.

Right now, he wanted to play Star Fury and find a good lawyer to see about firing Phil. But Star Fury had priority.

Resolved, Zack pulled on a pair of sneakers and walked to the door. He typed in the code, then hesitated before resolutely pushing down on the handle. It turned. Letting out a surreptitious breath of relief, Zack walked out of his apartment for the first time in months. The smart locks clicked the bolt back into place as the door closed behind him.

Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten everything wired up. But it had seemed like a good idea at the time…