You hadn’t even made it past the first pokemon in your first battle against Ingo. He had used his Garbodor in the first part, and the stench radiating off it had triggered you into a panic attack. Ingo was gracious about the situation, helping you to a place to rest as you came down, not that you gave him much of a choice, clinging to his black coat, like it was a safety blanket. It reminded you of something comforting. That’s also the day you met Emmet face to face.
At home, you had buried your head in a pillow, feeling anxiety and embarrassment boil in your stomach. You really thought they would let you back in.
To your shock, they were nothing like the Kahunas, and it amazed you every time when you were still allowed to enter the battle subway. With how much of an inconvenience you seemed to be, you thought they’d eventually get tired of you. You couldn’t stop riding though. Battling was so fun with Emmet, Ingo, and everyone else working there.
You loved living in Nimbasa City.
▼〘╌⎔╌〙△
When you were alright to walk, Anderson stuck by your side as he walked you to the end terminal of the Double Battle rails. Making sure you were steady as you walked, his moth hovering nearby making small chirps. She was really pretty. A lot of moth or butterfly like Pokémon were always so pretty. Kinda made you wish you had one but-
Well dogs were easier to take care of. You know how to take care of dogs-
"Is your father coming to pick you up today? Or do you need to message him?" Anderson asked as you walked beside him. He was someone who had become friendly with your family with how frequently you visited Gear Station, so it was no surprise that you were able to talk comfortably with him. In fact, his partner and your dad often hung out together too.
Typing on your phone as you two walked, you showed him the message-
| Nah, he's probably already here chattin up the staff again, you know him.
The agent chuckled, "Yes, he doesn't ever seem to need much incentive to make a visit. The other day he and Stanley were just going on and on about Fidoughs while on break."
You smiled at that. It was reassuring that you or your dad weren't being an annoyance to at least SOME of the people. Though your dad had always been the "Everyone's friend" type. Unlike you.
| Meanwhile I'm the opposite, causing trouble like this.
| Surprised they haven’t just banned me from this place.
| A passenger having a series of panic attacks can't be good for business.
“Don’t say that,” Anderson tutted, “you can't help how you react to their Pokémon, and the bosses would never ban a trainer over something beyond their control either.” You quietly laughed, silently amused by the fact you didn’t become a sour pit in their mouths the first month you had started swinging around like an annoyingly persistent Mankey. You had the option to NOT ever board the train again, let alone continue the battle, but even after everything that counted as LOGIC, you pushed. And it ended the same way it always did.
You gave him a fake smile, feeling more and more tired the longer you walked.
| Nice of you to say.
| But for real, my man. I don’t exactly got a gold star record.
“Mh…” the man made a face like he wanted to keep arguing, but decided against it. "Well. WE like having you around." He finished with, huffing, before giving a smile. You wondered if Anderson would still say that if he knew about your life on Alola. After all, no one from your old neighborhood had liked you, and we're probably ecstatic when you left…
"Kreeee-" Ah!
Suddenly you had a face full of fluff, having walked right into Sathona the Volcarona's luscious fluff. "See? Even Sathona thinks so." The Pokémon trilled softly in agreement, making you roll your eyes with a smile as the Pokémon returned to the agent’s side.
At the exit to the end of the Double line, you could see the silhouette of your dad and one other as they chatted. The one other was Stanley, an equally big guy, with an equally friendly face.
“Lemon Drop!” your dad greeted you as you crossed the exit line, and before you knew it, you were being pulled into a strong, warm hug. You wordlessly hugged him back, a feeling of overwhelming comfort washing over you as you buried your face in his shoulder.
Your dad was really good at hugs.
▼〘╌⎔╌〙△
“How about a burger?” Your dad interrupted his own string of rambles, and you looked up at him, “We can hit up that place by the bus station, if you want.” He just smiled down at you, but there was still that worry in his eyes. “Unless your stomach still feels a mess, then I can make ya some Kanto Chicken porridge.” He tried too hard to act normal. This was too normal to him, but you had enough beans in your head to know it shouldn’t be.
You shook your head and picked up your whistle, this time with a steadier hand, “ Tweeef- Twoo-Twoof- Fwee- ” you conveyed that you’d prefer the porridge. As much as you wanted red meat, you at least managed to learn that hard food after vomiting would just cause more pain. As thick headed as you were, some lessons managed to stick. With a warm chuckle, your dad nodded, “Okay, sweet-tart, porridge it is.” as he led you home, you hugged his arm closer.
Your dad didn’t like to show how much he worried, as strong as he was, you still felt his hand trembling when he held your shoulder, as Agent Anderson gave a summarized report. Many of the subway staff treated the situation delicately, so you’d never seen your father get mad at them, like he would have on Alola.
Another upside, you admittedly took way too much for granted. Some lessons just didn’t stick.
▼〘╌⎔╌〙△
“ The only days that I'm not stressed ”
“ Are days I work myself to death ”
“ And I'm too tired to feel anything else ”
“ Even then, I'm restless in my sleep “
“ My worries bleed into my dreams and I “
“ Wake up and do it all again “
You crashed and crashed HARD the moment you fell into bed after a bowl of homemade porridge. Once again, you had been K.Oed by your own stupidity. Did you learn your lesson? Probably not.
The next day came, slowly. Not waking up till noon, you were still feeling exhausted after a night of dreamless sleep. Still, you did your morning routine of taming your wild mane of long curls, brushing your teeth again (having done so before and after dinner to try and get the taste of vomit from your mouth) and checked your neck for any marks. You were relieved to find, your neck was scratch mark free before finally going downstairs to eat something.
Your lyconrock pack kept close to you, like a personal escort as you walked down the stairs, still in your pikachu onesie, Lemon Meringue in the front, Rhubarb in the back, Kumquat at your side, keeping you away from the railing, and Zesty in your arms. They were good dogs.
“ Maybe it's the way I was raised “
“ Or how I'm wired in my brain but “
“ I never seem to be “
“ Enough for me “
Taking sluggish bites of your breakfast burrito you watched the live broadcasting of the Regional Championship on the living room TV.
"Your birthday is coming up in a few months," Your dad commented, tearing your attention away from your breakfast for lunch and the battle on screen. You looked at him and quirked a brow, as he continued, "Do you have anything special you want? You'll be 18, so we can do something special, or I can get you something- " he shrugged, "Anything you want."
You thought for a second, returning your attention to the screen, but then shrugged, too tired and soar to think. You hadn't even realized your birthday had gotten so close. Was there anything you wanted? Mh… You couldn't… really think of anything…
There was a weird… tickle… in the back of your tired brain.
“ Is it normal “
“ The way I can't help second guessing “
“ Is it normal “
“ Wishing I could put my thoughts to bed “
“ And be in the moment “
“ For just a moment “
Seeing you make a face at his question, and take another bite of your food, the big man kept talking. "Aaand well… It's also been awhile since we moved here,” Turning back to him, chewing on the bite in your mouth, you tilted your head curious and confused, ”Almost 2 years at this point too, so-... mh…" he took a big bite of his own breakfast burrito for lunch, cutting himself off, like he needed a moment to think about how to continue that convo. He was definitely making that face again, the one that told you he wasn’t sure how to say/ask something.
“ Cuz it feels like I'm always somewhere else instead “
“ Is it normal “
“ How I get stuck in my head “
You weren't sure where this was headed, but thinking on it, you realized he was right. It had been almost 2 years. Two years ago you didn’t need to tie your hair back to keep it out of your food. Two years ago you left Alola behind, along with the other skullies, among other less fond memories…
Not knowing where he was going with this topic, you nudged him with your elbow, pressing him to go on.
“ I bite my lip and twist my hair ”
“ Scroll through my phone or sit and stare at nothing “
“ Trying to chase my train of thought “
“ Tell everybody that I'm doing okay “
“ Make it look good and hope that one of these days “
“ It won't be a lie “
At your nudge, he swallowed hard, clearing his mouth. He tried to keep going, "Sarah, are you… happy here…?" He dropped the question like it was a weight he had been carrying for awhile, while looking like a lost Yamper.
Not needing to think about it too long, you shrugged your shoulders, and quirked your head in a [ "Yea, s'okay." ] Kinda way, before gesturing your breakfast wrap free hand to try and ask [ "Why wouldn't I be?" ]
“ Is it normal “
“ The way I can't help second guessing “
“ Is it normal “
"Well Sweet-tart, you're going to be 18 soon… you're growing up and w-well… I wanted to-mhh… I was wonderiiiing-" his stumbling turned into a long Wailord like groan, rubbing his face, and muttering something you couldn't hear. Something about Tapu Koko-
Okay, now he was worrying you…
"I just want you to be happy, Sarah. That's all." He sighed, giving up on whatever he had tried to convey. Your dad could be pretty shit with words sometimes. He was a good dad though. Afterall, he could understand you without speaking. Or at least he tried his best anyway.
Even though it felt like there was still more to what he wanted to say, you decided not to press him on it.
“ Wishing I could put my thoughts to bed “
“ And be in the moment “
“ For just a moment “
“ Cuz it feels like I'm always somewhere else instead “
“ Is it normal “
“ How I get stuck in my head “
"I guess with that outta the way-” he took a gulp of his lime-ade, smiling, but with a weird look in his eye. “How bout later we call up your aunt, and we can make plans to give my special girl an extra special birthday, okay?" You nodded in agreement, averting your lemon yellow eyes from your dad's lime green to stare down at your barely eaten breakfast wrap. Putting a pin in that, turning his attention back to the screen, your dad left you to think.
You WERE happy in Nimbasa though, so you were confused why he’d ask that. There was so much to do, so many places to go, and battles to have. Ten year olds in different regions were going out into the world to figure their shit out. Hell the Unova regional champion was only 13 for Tapu Lele’s sake-
“ Ahh, yeah yeah “
“ Ahh, yeah “
“ Ahh, yeah yeah “
“ Stuck in my, stuck in my “
You could travel wherever you wanted with just your trainer ID. You could do anything and you were happy-
You were happy…. Right…?
“ Is it normal “
“ The way I can't help second guessing “
“ Is it normal “
“ Wishing I could put my thoughts to bed “
Putting your food down and shoving your plate away, you suddenly weren't hungry anymore, your stomach feeling… off. Today wasn't going well already…
"Hey, you okay, lemon drop?" Your dad turned to you again as you got up, worry returning to his face. Using your whistle you drearily conveyed [ I'm going back to bed… ] best you could before leaving for your room. "O-oh. Alright… lemme know if you need something, honey-lemon."
“ And be in the moment “
“ For just a moment “
“ Cuz it feels like I'm always somewhere else instead “
“ Is it normal “
“ How I get stuck in my head “
Walking up the stairs, your dogs tailing close behind, you started to think, maaaybe you should take a day trip outside of the city soon.
Maybe than you wouldn’t feel so-
Stuck…
" Stuck in My Head - Blu Eyes "
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