I closed the door and went in our bedroom, knowing Nazar was probably waiting for me. I undressed myself until I was in my underwear before going under the covers. Nazar immediately wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me closer to kiss my neck. "If you're too tired, we can do it another time." He whispered, waiting for my answer before continuing what he was doing.
"It's fine." I whispered back as I turned around to face him.
I kissed him softly, passing my hands behind his neck. He smiled into the kiss, pulling me even closer making it hard to breathe. He wasted no time to remove my underwear and I broke the kiss, turning slightly to put my face close to my pillow. The main inconvenience about fostering a young child was that intimate moments had to be quiet and couldn't happen as much as we would have liked. I held the pillow closer, moaning softly into it as I felt the familiar liquid running down my cheeks and he started preparing me. I bit my lower lip once he was done, closing my eyes tightly as he started to move above me, his breath hitting my ear at every move. I could feel myself get closer over the edge when a loud gasp was heard, making us stop in our tracks. I opened my eyes, looking in the direction of the door and my heart dropped when I saw it was half open. Shit.
Nazar removed himself and I got out of bed, putting some clothes on. "I- Shit. I'm going to see what he wanted and-..." I tried to explain, my brain thinking of the reasons he could have tried to come in our room.
He only nodded, worry written all over his face. I left the bedroom and opened Ethan's door, quickly realizing it was empty. I carefully made my way downstairs and my stomach squeezed painfully when I heard small sobs coming from the living room. I took a deep breath before entering the room and my eyes landed on a small figure squeezed between the sofa and the Christmas tree. I turned the light on and observed Ethan for a few seconds: he looked terrified. His curly hair was all over the place, tears running down his cheeks. His eyes were tightly closed and his hands were over his mouth, trying to stop himself from making too much noise.
I entered the room before kneeling a few steps away from him. I needed to find the right words to reassure him. This shouldn't have happened; he shouldn't have had to witness this. "I'm sorry you had to see this." He jumped at my words and opened his eyes, looking at me worryingly. His hands were still over his mouth and he continued to cry so I continued my explanation. "I-... We..."
I was struggling to find the right words but Ethan beat me to it, removing his little hands from his mouth to wipe his eyes. "Why was he hurting you?" He asked, sobbing at every word.
"He wasn't hurting me..." I started before continuing. "You see, when two adults love each other a lot, sometimes they want to feel even closer and it passes by physical touch... But it's only when the two of them want it... It's totally different from what happened to you..." I was planning to wait until after New Year's Eve before talking about this specific part of his life during our sessions but I didn't have a choice now. I needed to do it right now. "Why don't you come with me in the kitchen? I will make you something to drink and we will have a little talk, just you and me. You will be able to ask me all the questions you want and I will answer."
He stayed in the same position for a few minutes and it was easy to see the struggle that was playing in his mind. In the end, he got out of his hidding place and followed me in the kitchen, looking worryingly toward the stairs as he passed by them. I gave him a glass of milk and sat in front of him.
"I know what happened to you and it was wrong. These type of things aren't supposed to happen between a child and an adult. But it wasn't your fault, you know that right?"
"It hurted..." Ethan whispered, tears doubling down as the words left his lips.
"It wasn't supposed to happen, this is why you are here. So we can help you. You have nothing to worry about here."
"He was hurting you..." He repeated, looking down at his lap.
"I promise you it wasn't the case. He loves me and he never hurt me..." I tried to explain, thinking of an age appropriate way to say things.
"I never want to love someone." He said, sounding upset.
"There are different ways to love someone... You can love someone and never have physical contacts, if you want." His frown deepened at my words but he didn't answer. It was easy to imagine he was confused and that he kept being brought back to his own past situation. "Why did you come in our room? Did you want to ask us something?" I asked, changing slightly the subject.
"I knocked but no one answered. There was a spider in my room and I wanted someone to kill it." He mumbled, the frown still present on his face.
Knowing he tried to knock made me feel guilty. I was so in the moment that I didn't even hear it. "I'm going to kill it once we are done talking, alright? And I will even double check your room before leaving."
He nodded, not looking totally convinced and I wished I knew what was going on inside his head. I looked at the clock that was on the wall next to the fridge behind Ethan and I knew it was going to be a long night. I doubt anyone was going to sleep any time soon...
Comments (0)
See all