I had a lot of worries about what was going to happen to me, but I had to focus on the present moment. I went downstairs into the living room where Lenni2 and Dad were. It looks like Dad hasn't said anything yet, seeing how he is rubbing the back of his neck again. "Listen Lenni, I think it's great that you want to go into town but with everything going on I think you should stay." Lenni2 looked upset. "Besides there's nothing special in town anyways and we don't want to risk you having another anxiety attack." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Ok?" Hearing the conversation in the third person I could tell he didn't want me to go out. My dad may be the "fun and silly" parent but he is the most protective of me.  "I don't get it," Lenni2 started. "You guys always say to take the step to overcome my anxiety, but when I do, you won't let me!" She began to raise her voice. "I can't stay here forever!" I never got it either, they always wanted me to try but when I did they would tell me to try another time. "Sorry sprout but after talking with your mother it's best if we don't for now," Dad responded. It was uncanny that she acted like me so well, and that I was so easy to replicate. Dad went in for a hug to comfort her, making my eyes water. Lenni2 is gonna replace me, it's not fair but life is funny that way, isn't it?

I walked into my garden, it's the only thing that I felt was still a part of me, still mine. I glanced over and noticed Manfred was still by the roses but he was laying down, I think he fell asleep. I didn't know spirits did that. I walked over to him and I was right, he did fall asleep. I didn't want to wake him so I sat a few feet away from him and twiddled with the lavender in my fingers. I  wanted to try and thank him for the lavender and introduce myself properly. A part of me was still anxious about speaking to a total stranger and a different part wants to try. I looked at the house and spotted my bedroom window. It's weird how I looked down from that window the other day, admiring the weeds. It feels like I was weeded out of my life because I didn't deserve to have it, I didn't belong to life's garden,  so God or whoever is up there replaced me and gave it to someone else. How cruel, this is my garden, my home, my life, it's about improving right? Building from the bottom, living it to the fullest, and enjoying every moment sad or happy. Lenni2 was right,  I lived it in fear, I am a waste of a life. My tears came out at once, I buried my face into my knees and sobbed. At the moment, that's all I could've done.

I don't know how long I was there, but the sun had set. I stopped crying hours ago, I was just sitting in the dark with my thoughts as I saw Dad and Lenni2 watching a movie together in the living room. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. "I am here to lend an ear if you need it." I looked up and Manfred was next to me. "Thank you for the lavender earlier," I said. He nodded in response. "They say lavender has the scent to calm even the  most unsettled souls and gifting it is a sign of friendship." I failed at trying to blink away my tears and averted my eyes from him. "I am terrified." I barely said, feeling my throat getting closed up. Manfred sat next to me and saw what I was looking at. "Want to talk about it?" He asked. I looked at him, his eyes were no longer bloodshot, but his face remained wrinkly. He smiled at me and it didn't bring me, terror, it brought me comfort, and I face-planted into his chest and sobbed as I explained my situation to him. He didn't say a word, he let me ramble about my emotions and my confusion. I kept wailing about how it was unfair and he hadn't said a word, he just patted my back and let me cry my eyes out. Is this what it's like to have a friend? To be comforted and understood without them completely understanding? I wish I had it before this happened which made me cry more intensely.