It was cold.

Summer was still only half-way done, the sun had been shining all day and sunburns had been aplenty, and yet Briar still felt bitingly cold in the warm evening air. 

It could have been his clothes. Although, even they looked a little too warm for the summer, the casual suit shirt and jacket stifling even at ten in the evening. But Briar knew better, he knew the real reason for his trembling hands and shivering body. 

Because after finally managing to fight, argue and persevere his way into normal work, he was throwing it all away. And as much as he despised himself for greeting the stranger with a flirtatious smile and hanging onto his arm, Briar didn't stop himself from being taken to the party and later that evening, a hotel. 

It's for Hari. Remember what he looked like, remember what happened. It's for him, for both of us, I have to do this. Just don't think about it, just pretend it isn't happening, it always worked before. 

To keep his mind busy and reinforce his conviction, Briar thought back to the previous day when he had felt perhaps the happiest he had since a teenager. He thought of Jesse. 

***

"That wasn't running. No fucking way".

"How dare you? I will have you know that I run extremely normally, thank you very much" he demanded, head pointing up so his nose was pointing to the sky, hands on his hips. 

"Oh yeah, for sure. Very normal... for a disabled kangaroo" they snarked then burst out laughing at Briar's face. 

"You mean little man. I used to be an athlete, a great one, of course I run normally!" he defended, voice cracking as it rose unnaturally high.

"Hmhm, just as you said- 'used to be'. And trust me, it's obvious the minute you start wobbling. Sorry, 'running'". 

Briar, absolutely insulted and publicly shamed, huffed and plonked down on the bench next to the little fox who was consuming what appeared to be a very hot slice of pizza, if the steam was any indication.

If he wants to be bitchy, two can play at that game, he thought with a grin.

"Why did you choose to be a fox? You suit something more... rodent like, with the way you stuff those cheeks. No, maybe a scavenger, since you managed to get that pizza for free. A rat! They're both". 

It was perhaps the most entertaining thing he had ever witnessed, cackling with an aching belly as Jesse's face continued scrunching up like a salted slug, sounds of indignation escaping their throat but no real words. 

"A rat? A BASTARDING RAT?! Get back here you fuckin-". 

And then they were both up, Briar squealing because holy shit was the fox faster than he'd expected of a person with such short legs. Jesse yelled profanities and threats at his back, chasing him around the roundabout and swing set before glancing over to the bench where their food lay unattended. 

"The wasps! The fucking wasps are gonna get my pizza!". 

Briar could no longer stand, collapsing to the grass in fits of uncontrollable laughter as Jesse picked up the pizza slice only to notice they were now being chased by wasps. Their solution seemed to be running in circles around the bench, which was greatly amusing. 

"You could, just, get rid of the pizza?" he so helpfully suggested, leaning back on his hands and soaking up the sun. When was the last time he actually sat down and just enjoyed himself or relaxed? The answer wasn't clear but he swore to himself to start doing it more often. 

"Who gets rid of perfectly good pizza- psychopaths, that's who. And granny Andreea didn't raise no psycho".

They're such an idiot. And funny. Definitely mean. And... cute.

"Alright, well, don't expect me to carry you to the hospital if you suddenly find out you're allergic to wasp stings. Carrying you earlier already threw my back out". 

"Are you calling me fat?! I'm soft! S-o-f-t!". 

Looking them up and down, Briar could see what they meant. Jesse was by no means overweight but there was slightly more fat than the average person around their thighs, stomach and bottom. But where was the fun in stopping the teasing now, when it was finally starting to get the little fox flustered?

Wait, was I just looking at their ass? I mean, friends do that. Right.

"Hm. I dunno, Foxy, pigs and seals aren't exactly called soft. Oh, wait, maybe I should be calling you, 'Ratty' now...".

"Fuck you, this is war!" they yelled then all of a sudden, it was chaos. Jesse was careening towards Briar who had to jump up, pizza with extra toppings of wasps was being thrust in his face, both of them screaming when the wasps switched target from the savoury food, to them.  

"Truce! Truce! Help me!" Jesse called and threw the pizza on the ground, waving their hands around the air around them. Briar swooped in and picked them up, running until the buzzing stopped and they were back to the bench. 

"O...kay... I'm fat and you can't run for shit without looking like a car just punched your pelvis. No more running now... got a stitch... ow". 

"But I'm the one who carried y-".

"Shhh. I can't see or hear anything you were about to say or do". 

Briar could only grin, looking at the pink-haired mess of a human who draped their head over the back of the bench, panting. 

"You're not fat by the way. I think you look amazing".

"Amazing, huh?". 

"Yeah. Perfect" he answered honestly, only to then realise what he was saying and who to, when Jesse sat up and blinked owlishly. He thought he saw them pinken in the cheeks but knew that had to be wrong. And before he could find out whether that was true or not, 'Mamma Mia' by Måneskin rang through the air from his pocket. 

'Harlow <3'

"It's Hari" he whispered, heart beating fast. Or was it like that before the call?

"Oh. Y-you should answer it then" Jesse said quietly then turned away a little. To give him privacy, Briar assumed.

"Hari, where've you been? I've been so worried" he said immediately, walking a few steps away in case Harlow began yelling or said anything weird- he didn't need his friend to hear that.

"I've been through hell, that's where I've been. And when I come back, you're nowhere to be found. Where the fuck are you?".

Should I say? He sounds very angry.

"I'm out with a friend". 

"A friend?". 

"Yeah, there was a new café we wanted to try". 

"Briar, you don't have any fucking friends. You never have, so why would you have any now?" he spits angrily then sighs. "Just get home".

"But we-".

"Now, Bri. I wasn't fucking asking. See you in twenty- no, fifteen minutes.". 

After giving a brief, altered version of the conversation to Jesse and leaving to go home, Briar felt it for the first time; the heaviness. He wasn't sure what it was exactly or why, but he did know that if he had the choice between staying with Jesse longer or going home to see Harlow... he wouldn't have been jogging home at that moment in time. He and Jesse would've been talking in the park, or maybe catching a movie and eating more food.

But Hari needs me.

And after finding his boyfriend as a bruised and bloody mess in their apartment bathroom, smoking and sitting on the floor, Briar felt sick to his stomach for having ever gone out. He had been having fun, laughing and happy while...

"What happened, Hari? Oh my god...".

"Loan sharks. They said that the amount I gave them- you know, after that event- wasn't what was agreed upon. That I'd tried to trick them. I refused to pay more but they- they did this to me. Every day. So I, uh, I was forced to sign something saying that I owe them money. It's a lot...". 

He trailed off, leaving Briar to look him over. Bruises covered one half of his jaw and blood ran from wounds that must've been hidden under his t-shirt. He looked terrible.

"I'm so sorry, Hari. I should've been here, I should've looked for you harder. I'm so sorry".

His boyfriend nodded and grabbed Briar's hand.

"I just don't know what to do, Bri. I'm so fucking scared they'll come for me again- or you. Shit, I'd rather die than let them get you. And when you weren't here today, I panicked. My friend offered me work at his dad's carpentry shop but even with that and your jobs... we don't earn as much as we used to a few years ago. Maybe we should take out a loan from somewhere else, somewhere better just so we can pay these fuckers off. I'm so sorry Briar, I promised we would be okay now. I failed you. If only we were as well off as we were a few years ago". 

Briar rested Harlow's head in his lap, running his fingers through the blonde hair and smiling a small, sad smile when his boyfriend released a sigh. But his head was still spinning, trying to make sense of everything. It was so hard for him to think sometimes.

No, c'mon. Try. Stop being so fucking stupid. 

He knew that he and Harlow still owed money to the bad people, but didn't really understand why, even after examining what Harlow said.

Why would loan sharks force people into signing contracts- that would be terrible for business, since they couldn't do that to every debtor without the law getting involved somehow. 

But he brushed it off, accepting it as his stupidity. He also knew that they didn't have enough money for more debt so soon, even though Stephen had paid him more than the agreed upon six thousand; at the end of the event, Briar had walked away with nearly eight grand and two friends. 

What can I do to bring in more money? Hari mentioned we earned more money a few years ago. A few years ago, he was working with his friends doing... well, he said something about errands but that's all I remember. And while he was doing that, I... oh. 

"Um, do you want me to, uh... go into escorting again? But no sex work, Hari. I just can't do it anymore". 

"Are you okay with that, babe? And yeah, no sex. Even though those ones always give us almost double the usual money, I'm sure we can repay the new debt off within a few months if we stick to just escorting. Hopefully..." he whispered the last part but Briar still heard it. 

A few months...

"Did they give us a deadline?". 

"Deadline?" Harlow asked, sounding confused. 

"Yeah, like, if it was a contract wouldn't it have a date or rough time frame in it? Otherwise you would be allowed to take years to pay it back which wouldn't be as hard...or maybe that's just movies. Sorry, ignore that, I'm being stupid". 

"N-no, uh, yeah. Yeah, they did actually mention a deadline. It was two months. Whoa, how did I forget that, huh? Thanks for reminding me babe. Hey, that last smack on the head must've gotten me real good if you're correcting me, eh?" he winked and chuckled. "So, I can get in contact with some people I know and get your name going around again? There'll probably be loads of ex-clients who would love to see you again but since you want to keep to just escorting and pay the debt back slowly, we'll find new ones". 

Later that night, when they were both in bed and Harlow was snoring louder than Briar ever remembered him being before, he began to cry. What was he supposed to do? He hated escorting; pretending to like his client, ignoring their wandering hands and greasy looks. Having to come home to his boyfriend after being flirted with all night by a stranger, feeling unfaithful. And when he was having sex with them too, it felt sickening to come home with another man's marks on his skin, smelling of a woman's perfume. He felt dirty. 

That was around the time Harlow stopped showing an interest in having sex with him.

Briar had never hated himself more, hated life more, than those years. From nineteen until after he turned twenty two, his memories were a blur of unfamiliar beds with unfamiliar hands on his body. And the self-loathing in those memories... he didn't want to go there again. 

But Harlow needed Briar's help. What if he did nothing and something worse happened next time? But could- would he do anything for Hari? When the answer within him wasn't immediate nor the resounding, 'yes' it always had been, confliction ran deep in Briar. 

What was he supposed to do? 

I'll talk to Hari in the morning. He can help me decide what's best...

And he did. Only, it led to Briar being out that night in the company of a stranger.