*Warning this episode contains severe homophobia, transphobia, physical abuse and physiological abuse. Read at your own risk.*
*Speaking of, please note that Leith is still being misgendered and remember that the others don't know even if it seems like yes because Kenton knows. All the other reasons aren't valid to misgender someone.*
19-Return to the dark times
Leith's pov
I'm so scared right now. I just arrived at my house. I'm 100% sure my parents are there. Kenton, Mattie and Sam just left a minute ago. If I could I would ask to spend more time with Kenton but I can't.
I really don't want to face my parents but I have to. I know that it's gonna be worse if I don't. I have to face the consequences. I just, I know whatever my parents will probably do will be wrong and it's already wrong, but I can't blame them. They are homophobic hypocrites. Even if I'm kinda used to their treatment, I'm scared.
I really wish I didn't have to knock on that door. I never done such a thing. Normally I never rebel against them but now that I did...I'm terrified. This might be the last time I'll get to breathe the cold air outside. I'll be trapped in the house and I know it.
It doesn't seem like they called the cops on me. My window is closed trough so I can't climb back there. I hope Cade doesn't hate me for what I did but poor Mia.
I wonder how she's feeling. She's only 11, I don't know what they told them. I wonder what they told their guests. It's the holidays. I know my grandparents were supposed to be here today but I doubt that'll be the case.
Okay, here I go. I knock on the door but it doesn't take long to be greeted by my dad. In an instant, he slaps me. I instantly freeze. He...he, he never hit me before...
"Where were you, young man!!? Your mom was worried sick about you! Were you with that fag?!" I lay my head low and decided to not answer him.
"Look at me when I'm talking!" I don't look at him. He grabs my chin by force and closes the door with his other hand.
"Answer me!" I don't answer.
"You think you can get away with this?!! You left for 3 whole days!"
"I know..."
"You knew damn well that you can't see that fag ever again!" I don't answer.
"What? You were with him right?!" I don't answer. He slaps me again.
"Answer me you brat!"
"Yes, I was with him. So what?"
"You dare say that?!"
"What? I answered your question."
"You son of a b*tch!!"
By now it's clear the whole house heard him but they don't come to save me. Ha, I bet that Cade is not allowed to come downstairs.
"You won't ever see that fag again you hear me! I always knew there was something wrong with you! That hair of yours...Is this your way to treat us?!" I don't answer.
"You're lucky that we managed to cancel our plans with your grandparents!" I say nothing.
"Yeah, continue saying nothing. Ungrateful brat."
Then I see Mom come down the stairs. I plead with my eyes for her to stop him.
"Don't you think it's enough James?"
"What? You're defending him now?"
"No...I just think he understands." He snorts and finally lets go of my chin.
"This isn't over."
"I know"
He leaves to go who knows where in the house. It's not like I care.
"What went through your head? Your father is right. Is this how you treat your parents?"
"No..."
"That's right. So you were with that boy. Did you two...?"
"No, we didn't! I was far away from here. Stop asking questions."
"Don't talk to me like that." She says in a sharp, deadly cold commanding voice.
"Yes, mother."
"It's Sharron for you." I avoid rolling my eyes.
"Yes, Sharron."
"I don't want to see your ungrateful face anymore, go to your room!" She yells in such a deadly cold way...
"Yes, Sharron..."
I go up the stairs and I notice Cade in the hallways. I guess Mia didn't even dare to come see me. How sweet, Mom and Dad really are controlling her. I hate seeing Cade look at me with this look in his eyes. It's obvious he's not allowed to talk to me unless Mom and Dad tell him to.
As I was asked, I get into my room and close the door.
——————
My parents didn't dare talk to me the rest of the day until it came to going to church.
"We are going to church. If you dare say anything about whatever you're good as dead meat."
"I know, I won't."
"Here let me pick your outfit. We don't want you wearing fags clothes. Who even bought all of those clothes?"
"Well...." She cuts me off.
"Hm sure, get rid of them."
"No"
"Yes, you don't have a say in this."
"Wasn't cutting my hair enough?"
"Nobody can know about this. Now you better act like a man. The Littlewood family is gonna be there and they are bringing their oldest daughter." She made sure that I heard the word daughter.
"You're gonna talk to her."
"Yes, I will." I obey her.
It makes me sick to my stomach...
"We want you to date her. It's your last chance to prove that you can be saved." I say nothing.
"Look at me." I look at her.
"You know it's for your best. You were only confused. There's no such thing as two men being together. Yes, society says it's an okay thing but you can't be like them.
Marriage is strictly between a man and a woman. Those fags are only ruining their lives when they have beautiful girls just in front of them. You can't be like them. You'll ruin your life. We only want what's best for you which is for you to marry a girl and have kids just like all your ancestors did before you. You can't defeat the principle of how life works." I remain silent.
"Here I picked this beautiful suit. How come I never saw you wear that? Hm I know is it because you wanted to copy the others?"
"No...it has nothing to do with that."
"You sure about that?"
"Yes, I'm sure Sharon."
"Good, now put this on. Don't even dare to try to escape. You're window is locked at all times. We aren't dumb." So they caught on of course.
"As if I will."
"I'll wait outside your door."
"Ok," She leaves my room.
There's a reason why I never wear that suit. It's not me. I don't feel good wearing that suit.
My mom bought it for me 1 year ago but I never wore it before. I always found a reason not to wear it. I don't want to wear something so masculine...they say it's for men tch.
They made a point of suits being for men only so much so that I feel uncomfortable in them, even more so when my mom or dad says it makes me look like a grown-up man. Gosh, I hate it when they say that.
Regardless, such things as that don't exist and I know my religious town will never agree to that.
So suits really aren't for me. If I could, I would wear a white blouse with some stylish pants. Probably black. That way they are gender natural and no one could make a point of it being feminine or masculine. Those types of clothes are actually the ones I dream of wearing but I can't...
Some would still say I'm a fag or that I'm too feminine when they aren't related to a specific gender in the first place. It's not like I get to say anything anymore.
I can't believe we have to go to church even more so for New Year's Eve. It's a tradition but still...I can only hope that girl really doesn't think we should date or anything.
We always go to some kind of church but not when there are others. I'm sure my parents did this on purpose. I look at myself in the mirror. I miss my hair...now I look too much like someone I don't know...
“What’s taking so long?!”
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” I get out of my room.
“Wow, look at you. You look like a true man.” I hate it when she says that...
“Yeah...”
“I’m sure that girl will love you. Look how handsome you are Liam.”
Ugh, why does she have to use my dead name like that? I notice that Cade is yet again in the hallways. Hmm, she probably talked to him about something.
“Don’t you agree he looks handsome?”
“Yes, he is.” It’s obvious that he feels bad for me but he can’t do anything.
“Tell Mia to come out of her room.”
“Ok”
And that’s exactly what he does. Mia comes out of her room instantly. I’m pretty sure she was waiting for this moment.
“Look at you Mia, being so pretty!”
“You think I look pretty?”
“Yes, you do. You look stunning don’t you agree Liam?” She smiles.
“Yeah, you look really pretty Mia.” She brightens up.
“Thanks! You look pretty too!” In an instant my mom’s face drops.
“Mia dear, remember what I told you the other day?”
“Yes...I’m sorry Liam for calling you pretty, you’re handsome...”
“Oh, don’t worry I don’t...”
“Just don’t do that again. Now Cade how come you aren’t dressed yet?” I’m being interrupted now?
“Oh...I was just waiting to see what you guys would look like with your outfits on..”
“Hm sure now get dressed!”
“Yes,” Cade gets in his room in an instant.
This really is creepy. Seems like Mia isn’t allowed to talk to me if mom is not there.
For Cade, well, I don’t know seems like they trusted him before. I wonder did she found out I texted Kenton through his phone? Hmm, probably not. Cade would rather kill himself than tell her such a thing. Thank god, I deleted those texts. Cade comes out a few minutes later.
“Oh, you look handsome. I’m sure the Littlewoods will think so too.”
“Yeah...” He awkwardly laughs.
Oh no is he forced to do the same thing as me?
“Ok sense you guys are all dressed up we can go now.”
“Ok”
We go downstairs and there’s my dad. He looks at me and he instantly glares at me then he stops once Mia is next to me. Wow, they really do only care for themselves.
“Come on get in the car. We can’t be late for the midnight mass celebration at the church.”
We all go outside with our coats on and get in the car. It takes us 10 minutes to get there. My parents wouldn’t stop glaring at me. I’m sure even Mia can feel how tense things are.
We get inside the church. I instantly noticed a few people who looked to be a family. Probably the Littlewoods.
“Hey, you made it here.”
“Yeah, we made it.” Turns out I was right.
“Who are those two beautiful young men and that little girl?”
“Oh, those are...”
“I’m Liam.” I greet a woman in her middle forties.
“Oh, so that’s the boy I heard about.” So annoying. Saying that like she already knows me.
“Yes”
“Um, I’m Cade.”
“What a beautiful name you have.”
“Thanks”
“And what is your name young girl?”
“I’m Mia.”
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She hugs Mia.
“So this is my 2 daughters. As you can see over here. Present yourself.
“Hi, I’m Alexandra.”
“You are a really good-looking young lady.”
Can my mother shut it sometimes? I’m guessing Alexandra is the girl my parents want me to date.
She has ashy blond hair all curled and done for the night with almost unnoticeable blue eyes.
She is quite tall, not too tall. She’s as tall as Cade. I won’t lie she doesn’t seem like a shy girl at first glance.
She is currently wearing a beautiful white dress despite it being just the classic dress for nights like these.
“Thanks...”
“I’m Victoria.”
So that must be the other girl. I’m guessing they want Cade to get along with her. She seems around his age.
She is quite similar to Alexandra on a physical side. Long-ashy blond hair too, curled just like Alexandra, blue eyes too. She is smaller as she is younger. She seems a lot sweeter, fragile at first glance.
“You’re pretty as well.”
“Thanks?”
“Let’s get going inside. The ceremony is starting later but let’s let the children socialize while we do too.”
“That’s a good idea.” And so they leave.
“So what’s the deal?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s obvious something is going on with your parents.”
“Oh uh...it’s nothing.”
“Don’t be like that to me. It’s written all over your face.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah”
“Um, we’ll go talk somewhere else is that ok Alexandra?”
“Yes ok.”
Cade leaves with Victoria.
“Ok, what’s the deal? If you didn’t want to tell because of your brother...”
“No, it’s nothing as I told you.”
“Sure it’s nothing. Are you afraid of telling me or wait is it worse you aren’t allowed to tell anyone?!”
“Calm down Alexandra it’s nothing like that.”
“You can call me Alex.”
“But you’re name is Alexandra...”
“I don’t care. Everyone calls me Alex for short. Besides I don’t like my name so...”
“Why?”
“So you’re asking me why when you don’t want to tell me your deal. It’s not fair is it?”
“Sorry, I just got curious.”
“No, it’s fine. Everyone is curious.”
“You’re pretty by the way I mean it.”
“Don’t say such a thing. Your parents probably told you to make a move on me right?”
“How did you know?”
“Boys do that all the time to me. They only do it because their parents said so. So don’t even try. I’m not interested.”
“That’s a relief...”
“What? Why?”
“Um...nothing...”
“Hm let me guess you’re gay, right?”
How does she know that?! Sh*t...don’t me she’ll expose me to her parents, even worse my parents?!
“What? Don’t say that out loud.”
“So I’m right. Don’t worry I’m not homophobic.”
“Oh thank god..”
“Yeah...if it helps you in any way, I like girls.”
“Wait you do? How come you’re doing this?”
“Because my parents forced me.”
“Oh...sorry about that.”
“It’s not your fault. So who’s the lucky guy?”
“What makes you think there’s a lucky guy?”
“Well for starters you’re blushing right now.”
“Oh...”
“So who is it?”
“Well, his name is...Kenton...we are dating.”
“Ohhh, you are so lucky.”
“Yeah, but things aren’t going well right now.”
“Huh? You mean things aren’t going well because your parents caught you guys together?”
“How the heck do you know that?”
“It’s pretty easy you know. I think it was obvious from the start why you are here.”
“Oh”
“Is your brother gay too?”
“No”
“Oh”
“Yeah, I wonder how things are going for the two of them.”
“She must be giving him hell.”
“Hey, you can’t curse.”
“Who cares? Who said we aren’t allowed to cuss in a church?”
“Well, the laws?”
“Nope, the church made that up.”
“Oh”
“So I’m guessing you’re parents are giving you hell right now?”
“Yeah...”
“Poor you. You don’t deserve this. At least my parents don’t know.”
“Oh”
“Sorry about that. I didn’t want to ruin this...”
“No, it’s fine.”
“I hook up with girls all the time but I’m not in a committed relationship if that’s what you want to know.”
“Geez, do you always know what people think about or do you have a special power?”
“I’m just smart I guess or you guys are just too predictable.”
“Is it ok if I tell you something?”
“Oh yeah what?”
“I just, do you know what non-binary means?”
“Non-binary? Yeah, I heard that term before what about it?”
“Well, I identify as non-binary.”
“Oh? Sh*t, I didn’t mean to assume you were a boy. Wait do you have another name?”
“Yeah, it’s actually, Leith.”
“Hm Leith...never heard it before but I like it. It suits you.”
“It really doesn’t bother you that I’m you know?”
“No why should I be? You’re just being you. Unfortunately, some people can’t see that.”
“Yeah..”
“I have a feeling we might become great friends.”
“Oh yeah, but I probably won’t see you again.”
“Oh no just give me your contact information.”
“Really?”
“Yes really.”
I gave her my contact information. I also told her I don’t have a phone right now since my parents took it away from me so she won’t be able to contact me for the next few days. Then our parents call out to us.
“Kids come in the main room. The ceremony is starting!”
“Coming!”
This feels so liberating...I really am lucky that I landed on a girl who supports me but I’m not so lucky regarding my parents. Oh well, it’s not like I can do anything about it. Hopefully, next year will be a better year.
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