Breakfast with Nik and Maxwell felt utterly private. Before, he’d thought that Nik treated Maxwell as nothing more than a Butler but the way they acted during the meal was a lot more intimate than he had expected. They were laughing at random jokes Tal didn’t understand. Sometimes they switched to Latin to act out a historic scene and then burst into laughter again. Maxwell seemed to be as much of a father to Nik as Mr. Hemlock was to Tal. He trusted him, leaned onto him, loved him. That, Tal realised, was something they had in common. Their loss of parents and the family they found in strangers.

After a while, Maxwell noticed Tal’s hesitating behaviour. He hadn’t picked up his fork yet. His nightmares left him full enough. It shouldn’t become a habit. If he didn’t keep his eating schedule, he might lose his strength for ice hockey practice. No nightmare was more important than the final. Maybe he should have forced himself to eat.

“Mr. Thornwell-“ “Call me Tal, please.” He was tired of having to remind them to call him by his first name only. Polite or not, he didn’t like being treated like an ancient being with immense power when he was barely a medium strong young adult with a passion for fictional books and aggressive sports on the ice. Maxwell smiled apologetically. “Tal. You haven’t had a bite yet, should I bring something else? What would be to your liking?” Nik who was so busy with eating himself seemed to finally pick up on what Maxwell was implying. Tal’s plate was empty and clean. He frowned. “Do you have allergies?” Tal shook his head while avoiding looking at either of them. “Are you vegetarian? Vegan?” “I’m just not hungry.”

“I don’t believe that.” Nik said as he leaned back into his chair while setting his fork down. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and once again his shirt lifted itself a little and revealed his tummy. Tal looked away. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing, really.” Tal wanted to think of excuses but he had the feeling he couldn’t fool Nik. In the end he decided that telling him the truth would be the best. “My nightmare has sort of made me lose my hunger, sorry.” The room was shrouded in silence. Nik and Maxwell shared a concerned look. “Does that happen often?” “Lately, yes.”

Nik hummed. His eye examined the scratches Tal’s nails had left on his arms last night. A few wounds looked deeper than others. Tal felt horrible for what he’d done. Was his nightmare that bad? He could remember most of it but the details were hazy. “When exactly did it start?” Tal could feel the tense atmosphere inside the dining hall on his skin. He got goosebumps from the cold and curious stares of both Maxwell and Nik. They meant well, he should have known that but he couldn’t help feeling defensive. “Why does it matter? They’re just nightmares.” “Just nightmares?” Nik leaned forward and stretched his arms out.

“Look at my arms, Taliesin. This wasn’t a nightmare, you were-“ He gulped. “This was a night terror. Whatever you dreamt of made you.. terrified. I thought I wouldn’t be able to calm you down. You were shaking so terribly much and your eyes…” Maxwell tilted his head and furrowed his brow at Nik. He noticed and cleared his throat. “Understanding what made you this afraid could be helpful for us.”  Nik was seriously looking him over, waiting for a reply Tal couldn’t give.

It was impossible to tell Nik the truth without revealing his feelings to him. He wanted to, he had promised himself to confess soon but now was not the right time. Not after his nightmare made him realise how much it would hurt to lose Nik. What if a confession did exactly that? Nik could distance himself from Tal after realising what he felt for him. It was a risk Tal wasn’t willing to take.

“What help could they possibly be?” He huffed instead and crossed his arms in front of his chest like a fed-up toddler. Maxwell got up from his seat and carefully reached his hand out to refill Tal’s glass with water. His tea has gotten cold without having been touched at all. “For your training it can indeed be helpful to know your fears. Those types of emotions are distractions that we cannot afford. Rationalising your fears is the first step towards the balance you need to gain control over your own body.”

What Maxwell said made sense but Tal shook his head nonetheless. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his head lifted just enough to catch Nik’s disapproving look. “I can’t.” He was aware that this would complicate their training but he wasn’t ready to admit his feelings to Nik. If he wasn’t ready to tell his best friend about it, how could he muster the courage to tell his crush? “I’m really sorry.” Tal pushed his chair back and wanted to get up when Nik almost threw himself across the table to catch his wrist. “Stay.” He asked a bit breathlessly. “I won’t force you to talk about your nightmares but you need to eat breakfast at least. Just a few bites, okay?”

Tal was shocked. His gaze wandered from Nik’s hand around his wrist to the almost panic-stricken expression on his face. Was he really that worried that Tal would leave the table without having a meal? He didn’t realise it mattered so much to Nik. Unless… No, Tal interrupted his own thoughts. Nik surely didn’t care about Tal in that way. He was just worried that his dear Descendant didn’t get his nutrients. “I don’t care if you want to sabotage your own training by not talking about your fears but I won’t help you if you don’t eat. You could pass out or worse.” Nik’s grip loosened slowly and he led Tal’s hand to his fork. “You’ll regret it.” Maxwell’s eyes were examining Nik with a strange sentiment. It was hard for Tal to focus on him. “Okay.” He said, his voice quieter than before. He moved closer to the table again after contemplating his choices. “I’ll have a bit of that bacon then.” Nik handed him the plate with a smile. “Dig in.”