As 75% of their head came unrobed, a harrumph erupted from the de-hooded figure ensnared in the clutches of the armed robber. They didn't take kindly to the crusty elbow crevice gripping their neck.

Their glossy hair tied into pigtails graced the backside of the robber's back arm. 

"Y- *hic*- You sure are such a pretty lil' thing. Maybe I'll have a lil' fun with ya before I put a bullet through your head. Ya like that, baby? Hm~" muttered the robber to the de-hooded figure's ear. No response came out of them, but their eyes signaled a repugnance so abject, the robber felt a great bit unnerved.

"No! Don't you dare have your way with them! I'll give you all the money, just please, don't harm 'em, or us! Actually, if you're going to, harm us! Just leave them fucking be!"

Chan quickly opened the cash register and looted out all the profits he could find from it. 

"That's right, and while you're at it, bring your bitch over 'ere. I wanna get a taste of him." The robber motioned with their fingers for Chan's spouse to come tither.

"Crapsicle sticks, I should've kept my mouth shut... nay, I shouldn't have come out of the backroom. I could've called the cops on that perp." The spouse grimaced at the forceful tone of the robber.

The robber shifted his arm grasping a gun in hand to point at the spouse. The spouse put his hands up in the air, fearing for his life, but when he saw the wee victim held captive close to the robber/possible rapist's body, he knew he had to put their safety aside to save their taciturn patron. 

Realizing the robber was distracted, and unwilling to see anyone being violated this time of night, if at all, the de-hooded figure opened up the triangular lollipop, and hoped the slogan held some merit.

Risky as hell, they knew what they were about to do was, but they couldn't ever in their good conscience turn a blind eye to wanton iniquity.

In a flash, they snatched the robber's hand and forced it behind the robber's back. 

"Wha-" The robber gasped. Turning to face the robber, with all the strength they could pull from their joints, they tackled the bastard to the ground with a thud, the impact leaving the gun slipping away from the robber's grimy fingers.

"Bollocks, get off of me, treacherous whore! Unless you'd like to take the lead~" the robber/sex offender to be slurred while smirking lopsidedly, whatever substance muffling their system and senses really kicking in.

The de-hooded figure wielded the lollipop downward like some sort of dagger or broadsword.

"Hah, heh heh heh *hic* Are you really gonna smite me with that, what're you gonna do? Take me out with diabetes? Fat chance bwahahahahahahahaha." The criminal wannabe cackled like some sort of mad scientist, breathing unsteadily. 

With all of their might, they thrust the triangular lollipop into the robber's face. The robber feebly attempted to hold back the offending object from making contact with skin. Whatever remaining strength the robber had left vanished along with their dignity - though as the case now stood, indignity's more the term for how the scoundrel bore themself - as intoxication worked its muddling magic on the robber's cognitive and motor functions. They were unable to hold back the surprisingly crisp tip from penetrating their tear duct.

"Suck a dick, bloated slag!" yelped the robber, hurling even more disparaging sexual insults at the weight holding them down. The de-hooded figure started perspiring from their temple. This was more close-combat than they had ever had to enact their entire life, except their adversary - if you could even call them that - was down for the non-existent count. They preferred to take their targets out from a distance.

The foiled robber kept mumbling incoherently until nearly passed out, their head hitting the floor with a thunk. The de-hooded figure felt their adrenaline wash away from their bloodstream, thankful for the threat dispatched.

As an act of wanton indignance, the de-hooded figure slotted the lollipop into the robber laying still's mouth "Choke on that, dumbfuck!" they bitterly cursed out - in mind at least - at the robber. 

The two men running the ice cream parlor stood behind the counter, dumbstruck by the whole debacle they had borne witness to. "What on God's dying planet just happened?" they collectively thought. Chan pulled out the telephone on the counter and dialed 911, wanting them to take away the rascal that dared disturb their serenity but not before checking to make sure of their condition. 

"El, could you talk to the responders for me? I gotta go check out the oaf's vitals

He handed the phone to his nerve-wracked husband, who took it while biting all of his bottom lip. He then went out of the counter to assess the incapacitated robber's vitals. However, the now re-hooded figure seemed to have taken the liberty of feeling for a pulse. 

"I can feel a pulse, fret not." The faintest voice seemed to originate from the hooded figure. 

"I oughta suffocate them, though." They brooded, and as Chan examined the body before them laying flat on the ground, the hooded figure slotted the sizeable lollipop into their thwarted hooligan's mouth.

Chan squinted his eyes in bewilderment at their peculiar act. "Um... why'd ya stick the lollipop in their mouth... didn't you try to poke their eyes out with it? Eugh, grotty, you got their eye mucus all over the tip." he blurted out

"They can taste all that muck, totally deserved it. I feel violated; they threatened to molest me and your partner, screw 'em, no, don't, they can go screw themselves." said the hooded figure in protest.

"Touche." Chan conceded. He side-eyed the robber who spat out threats at him, his husband, and the hapless patron who managed to unwittingly get roped into this tiresome mess.

"I think I finna close up shop for tonight, this entire altercation's left me feeling quite weary," Chan grumbled while casting his gaze down.

"Before that, could I get a Caramel crunch, extra butterscotch syrup and chips? The hooded figure looked straight at Chan with expectant eyes. 

"After everything that's just transpired, your lust for caramel takes center stage yet?