-Anjali-

I looked down at the table that had been set up. It was no less than a feast and to be honest, not once in the past ten years had I ever been at a table set up with more than two dishes. I smiled at the sight of the upmavu that was kept at the table along with a red spicy fish curry and pathiri. It had been a constant combination for breakfasts at home. 

(upmavu: A mildly spicy semolina dish eaten for breakfast; pathiri: a rice flour based pancake style dish)

Ashwathy sat down opposite to me while Athulya aunty sat at the head of the table. Aunty served us some food and then herself. It's been years I had eaten with my hands. I circled the dish with my fingers mixing the curry well. 

"So until when would you be around?" Aunty asked scooping a ball of upmavu and tossing it into her mouth. I hesitated and helped myself to a small portion of the dish. 

"Haven't decided yet", I said with a smile which almost disappeared a second later as the thoughts of going back haunted me. 

"Nice then, Ashwathy can take you around town. Actually, go on tours beyond the town. She is jobless anyways", aunty said as she chuckled. Ashwathy's face turned gloomy in an instant. 

"It's nice that she is free. I'm going to make full use of that", I nodded at her asking for affirmation, she smiled in response. 

"Hmm, by the way, she has been a huge fan of yours. You should see how religiously she watches your interviews", aunty mocked as she pointed to Ashwathy who bit her bottom lip and looked down at the plate. 

"Is that so?" I looked at Ashwathy who didn't raise her head. 

"If you would like to see, I have some unpublished photos you could check out"

"Can I?" her eyes sparkled as she asked. I nodded. 

...

Aunty had gone to the market and I had wandered around the house photographing the murals and exteriors. Ashwathy followed me at a distance and I pretended I hadn't noticed. After a whole round of the house, I made my way up the stairs into my room. I sat down by the grills of the windows swiping through the photos on my camera. I stopped at an old click. 

Unwelcomed memories came flooding back to me. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my pants and hastily rummaged through the satchel, finally grabbing the familiar box. I took out a stick and held it between my lips and almost lit the lighter before I stopped myself. It was a habitual action and I'd forgotten my surroundings. I put the lighter in my pocket and closed my eyes taking a deep breath. A slight creak near the door made me pull the cigarette out of my mouth and hide it. I looked up to see Ashwathy standing confused and staring at me. 

"Did you need anything?" I finally asked. 

"You said you'd show me your work", she said slowly. I took a moment processing what she said and nodded, pulling my camera off the table. 

"There's a place you can smoke without anyone noticing", she said. I tapped my fingers on the table and looked out the window for a moment before replying, "okay, let's go". She nodded and led the way. I followed. 

...

We stopped amidst a small yet deep pond in the middle of the wilderness at just a two minute walk from the house. It looked abandoned but the water was clear and frogs croaked in the opposite corner of it. 

"I didn't know you smoked", she said looking at me as I lit my cigarette and breathed in like I'd been starved of it for years. The way she looked at me, there was admiration but there was also confusion hidden beneath it. I could never get a good grasp of what she thought of me. To me, it felt like standing in front of the cameras, it felt like I had to pretend to be perfect, it felt like, otherwise, I'd be abandoned...

"Come here, hold on to this for me", I put the strap of the camera around her neck. 

...

"..so this was when I had just started out model photography. You can see it in the lighting, I was pretty much a noob. If you look here in this one...", I went on for about ten minutes until I noticed that her gaze was never on my camera. 

"I might be boring you", I chuckled. 

"Not at all", she said grabbing my camera as I pulled it back. She flinched and pulled her hand back at the slightest touch of my hand. I looked at her confused and smiled with growing awkwardness. 

"Here, I'll show you how to click a picture", I explained for a few more minutes until she wandered off around the pond clicking pictures. I drew another puff and looked at the frog struggling to stay afloat on a leaf. I turned as I heard the click of the camera before light flashed in my eyes. 

"Hey", I looked at her standing at a few feet distance, tall and proud at the photo she just clicked. 

"I'll let that slide. Just don't show it to your mom", I murmured and watched her walk back hurriedly. 

"Don't tell me, you brought me here to snitch on me", I laughed and threw the cigarette down running to stop her. She ran back to the right end of the pond while I followed, trying to take the camera which she held above her head. 

"Stop playing and hand it over, come on", I said as I swung my hands at the camera. I watched in shock as she stumbled back, falling into the pond. I extended my hand but she pulled her hand back, not taking my offer. I stood confused for a while looking back and forth at my hand and the area she had fallen to before shouting her name. I saw her holding the camera above her head as she made her way out of the pond. 

"Are you okay? You didn't get hurt anywhere did you?" I asked only to find her crying. 

This is not good. 

I helped her up, "stand up. Are you hurt anywhere? Ashwathy?" I shook her. Tears flowed down her cheeks. 

"I think I broke it. Because of me-", she held up the camera in front of me and sank down into the third step of the pond. I grabbed the camera she just offered which had turned off. I shook my head and kept it aside. 

"I'll get it checked, it's fine", I said patting her head as she sat with a depressed face and sniffled. I suppressed a laugh and covered my face with my hands. 

"Let's head back inside. You're soaked", I said before helping her up and walking back.