Anjali waited the entire day for Ashwathy to get home only to fall asleep later. She woke up to a faint knock on the door. She shuffled on the bed and checked her phone to see that it was only 4 in the morning. Lazily, she had walked to the door and unbolted it to find aunty. She frowned at what could possibly have brought her to her room so early in the morning. 

...

"I waited so long for you", Anjali said holding her arm. She had been lucky that Ashwathy hadn't gone for her gig with aunty. It was finally just them both in the house. She hugged her, her hands wrapping even tighter around her. 

"What is it?" She asked, in a stoic tone. 

"I missed you", Anjali spoke in a lowered voice before being pushed away. She stood in shock at her action. 

"Aashi",she said before holding out her hand to hold Ashwathy's hand but she flicked it away.  

"Stop calling me that. It is disgusting"

"What are you talking about Ashwathy?"

"I'm saying that I regret it. I feel horrible"

"What?"

"About everything. Everything we did. About us"

"I told you we could take it slow"

"Is that all you can think about? What am I, your slut?"

"Ashwathy what the fuck!"

She threw the clothes in her hand on the bed, pushing Anjali against the door, pinning her hands on either side. 

"This is what you want, isn't it?" Ashwathy spoke looking into her eyes before kissing her. Anjali managed to push her, but she was unfazed. It felt like a repetition of the past and the more aggressive it got, she realized she was frozen and dazed, tears rolling down her cheeks; she sat hugging herself, as she repeated, "please". Ashwathy was taken aback, the shock visible on her face. She panicked for a second before walking out of the room. 

...

Anjali had taken SSRI's for long but hadn't had to do it since coming here. This was the first time and she blamed herself for it. What did she mean it was horrible? Why did she regret everything? She wished that she could undo whatever it was that she did wrong. She thought back to when aunty had come earlier. That must be it. 

*** 

Last night

"Sorry, it's early isn't it?" Aunty spoke as she stood outside looking at Anjali who was still blinking rapidly. 

"It's okay. But why-"

"I had something important to inform you"

"Okay, come in", Anjali led her in as she sat on the chair and aunty sat down on the bed. 

"It's about Ashwathy. A colleague of mine has agreed to get her a job in Chennai. Not modelling but it's a good position for someone inexperienced as her", she spoke, fiddling with her hands. 

"But aunty, I have already spoken to a senior at an agency. He agrees that she has potential. She could continue-", she was cut off. 

"I want a normal life for her. I heard about you from Kavya", Anjali looked at her skeptically. 

"What did you hear?" She asked masking her shock with a chuckle. 

"About what you are.. and..", she said sighing. Anjali nodded in response and waited for her to continue. She knew exactly where this was going. 

"I'm going to take her to Kottiyoor for a week, day after. It has nothing to do with you", she clarified making Anjali laugh. 

"I don't want her to be involved in your kind of life anymore", she said making her intentions clear. Anjali nodded. Aunty got up and walked to the door. 

"Just don't tell her anything. I'll leave", she said before she walked out, closing the door behind her. The day had been difficult as it is waiting to talk to Ashwathy but now there were other problems she had to deal with. But she still believed she could make it work despite the hurdles. 

***

Had aunty talked to Ashwathy? If yes why didn't she just tell me instead of pushing me away? She didn't have time to sit around. Talking to Ashwathy was the only way she could solve the issue at hand. She rushed down to Ashwathy's room to find it empty. She walked to the fountain and the outhouse to find the places empty. There was only one more place in the house she could think of. She headed to the pond. She saw Ashwathy swimming before going down. She waited until she emerged out of the water. 

"Did aunty tell you anything?"

"I don't want to talk to you", she said walking up the stairs, drenched. 

"You're not even going to apologize for yesterday. What you did, it reminded me of her", she spoke before instantly regretting it. This was not what she came here for.

"I'm sorry. Now let me go"

"I don't- It's not what I wanted to talk about, alright. Ashwathy, if your mother told you something, we can still talk!"

"No. We can't. Your world is different. I don't fit in Anjali. It must be easy for you to be who you are, but me? If this gets out, have you thought about what happens to me?"

"We can keep it secret"

"How long would I have to live as your secret?"

"Once you work with magazines, you'll be in the same fucking world okay. There's nothing to worry about, I have talked to-"

"Who asked you to? Did you ask me?"

"If it's helping you-"

"You're fucking selfish. You're doing all this for yourself. It is helping you, not me Anjali", she said walking away until Anjali grabbed her hands. 

"What are you doing? If it's to hurt me and get rid of me, it's working"

"Good. Because seeing you reminds me of how weak I am. You said your ex rescued you didn't you? I can never rescue you. I can never be there for you or help you skyrocket your career or anything at all!"

"It doesn't matter Ashwathy!"

"You're still only thinking about yourself, aren't you? To who? To you Anjali. It doesn't matter to you"

"That's not-"

"You know what, maybe you deserve that toxic ex of yours. Maybe you're worth only that", it was a shock to Anjali. It left her speechless. It made her rethink every moment she had spent thinking she was happy. She didn't deserve it....ever...happiness. In a corner of her mind, she knew she was still only thinking about herself. Maybe it was who she was. The person in front of her had disappeared but what she had said would remain, she knew, until the end.