It was around noon when Liam poked his head into the room and gave Cailan an uncertain smile. Cailan stood from the bed and set his book aside as Liam entered, shifting from foot to foot as he fought against the reflex to kneel. He was still dressed only in his loose cotton underpants, but he’d never had enough privacy to develop much of a sense of modesty.
"Is Aubree washing your robe?" Liam asked.
"Yes," Cailan said, only just barely resisting the impulse to tack on 'sir'. Liam was dressed in his school uniform and was carrying another tray of far too much food, which he set down on the bed.
"Are you hungry?" Liam asked as he gestured to the tray. Eight small triangular sandwiches, a large piece of cake, and a bowl of orange slices.
Cailan could feel his eyes beginning to water as he chewed at his lip, desperately trying to contain his distress. He dropped to his knees like gravity had suddenly overcome him, his bare skin contacting painfully with the rough carpet, and hung his head.
"What's wrong?"
"I—" Cailan's voice shook. He swallowed and tried again, though it didn't help much. "I can't eat that much, sir. I'll throw up again. I'm sorry."
"Again?"
Cailan shifted nervously but stayed silent. It hadn't even occurred to him that he might be able to hide that.
"You ate too much and threw up?"
Cailan gave a jerky nod.
"Why?"
"I wanted to be good, sir," Cailan murmured almost too quietly to be heard.
There was a stretch of silence as Liam sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and loosened the tie that was part of his uniform. Finally he sighed and shook his head. "I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Are you angry with me, sir?"
"Hey, no." Liam leant forward and his hand twitched towards Cailan before he quickly pulled it back. "You're just a scared kid. But, in the future, don't eat if you're not hungry."
"Yes, sir."
"Now come on. Drop the ‘sir’ thing and quit kneeling. We talked about this."
Cailan quickly got to his feet. "Sorry."
"It's fine. Now, how much of this food do you want?"
Cailan's shoulders hunched and he felt his body heat with shame. "I'm sorry. I'm not hungry at all."
Liam shrugged and reached over to pick a sandwich triangle off the tray. "Don't worry about it. I'll eat it. Will you be wanting much dinner?"
Cailan sucked his lip into his mouth and shook his head. “Half a bowl of porridge is fine.”
"That’s a bit boring for dinner, though, isn’t it?”
“I’m grateful for everything I receive.”
“I didn’t expect you to eat all of this, or all of the breakfast. I just wanted to give you something nice to eat and I wasn’t sure what you like.”
“It was all wonderful. Thank you. I’m sorry I misunderstood and ruined it.”
Liam sighed and shook his head. “No. It was my fault. I didn’t realise you’d feel obligated to eat it all, but I probably should have. My father has a slave of his own, I just prefer not to get involved with her. She always looks so unhappy, or… maybe not even that. Maybe more like she’s locked the part of her that feels at all away deep inside of herself and now she’s nothing but a husk to fulfill his desires." Liam's eyes flicked up to meet Cailan's. "Don't tell him I said that. He'd find some way to harden me against such sympathies if he knew. He thinks it's a sign of weakness."
"Of course, si—" Cailan bit his lip and stared down at his feet, shoulders tensing as he waited to be reprimanded.
"I'll need to get you clothes," Liam mused, ignoring Cailan's slip up entirely. "What else do you need? Clearly I know nothing of slaves."
"Clothing is typically the only possession a slave is allowed," Cailan said, watching his toes as they waggled against the carpet.
"You can sit down if you like."
Without glancing up, Cailan sat down cross legged on the floor.
"I meant on the bed, but that's fine too," Liam said. "Are you sure you don't want any sandwiches?"
The thought of food sent nausea flooding through Cailan's body. "If it pleases you."
Liam sighed loudly. "Just say no."
"No?" Cailan tried.
Liam made a sound of frustration. "And now you're just saying it because I told you to, aren't you?"
Cailan's face scrunched up in distress and he finally looked up at Liam. "I'm trying to be good, si—" Cailan made a small broken sound. "I'm trying, I swear."
"I can see that," Liam said, his voice carefully calm. "Maybe a little too hard, though. I may be your master on paper, but I'm not even out of school yet. Just... try to be honest with me. Tell me what you want and what you don't want."
"I want you to touch me."
Liam recoiled sharply, his face twisting in alarm. "No, I— no." He stood from the bed abruptly and fumbled as he picked up the tray. "I'd better get back to school. I'll— I'll get in trouble if I'm not back in time."
Cailan's expression stayed pinched tight as Liam fled the room, then crumpled the moment the door was shut. He just wanted a hug, a pat on the head. Anything. He was privately glad Liam had no desire to do the things he’d been told about in training, but when the alternative was nothing Cailan wasn't so sure he'd lucked out. He crawled into his bed and buried his face in the pillow to muffle his sobbing.
Liam didn't come to see Cailan that evening, and the next morning it was Aubree who brought him a small bowl of porridge in the morning and reminded him only to eat it if he was actually hungry. She returned his robe and took his underpants to throw in with the next load of laundry.
Though Cailan did his best to read, there was a buzzing in his mind that kept him distracted. Liam poked his head in the door that evening, told Cailan he had homework, and left again.
The next day Cailan was sitting on his bed with his hand held out in front of him, watching his fingers tremble. Every muscle in his body felt too tight. What would happen to him if Liam refused to ever touch him? A knock on the door made him jolt sharply as he felt adrenaline rush through his body.
Cailan's gut twisted when Liam opened the door, and for a moment he just sat and stared. He wanted to cuddle up with him so badly, to feel gentle hands brush through his hair. Liam was halfway across the room before Cailan realised he hadn't stood, and he almost tripped over his feet as he hurried to climb off the bed.
When Liam stopped he was still well out of arm's reach from Cailan. "You'll be coming shopping with me and a friend of mine from school today. Wash up and meet us downstairs when you're ready."
Cailan's head spun as he nodded briskly.
As soon as Liam left, Cailan went to the bathroom and washed his face then carefully combed and braided his long hair. His skin looked a shade too pale in the mirror, but he was otherwise presentable. He pinched some colour back into his cheeks and headed downstairs.
Liam was sitting in the greeting area with his friend, a boy around the same age with sandy blond hair and dark brown eyes. They glanced up from their tea when Cailan cautiously entered the room.
"You see what I mean, Tucker," Liam said with a nod to Cailan. "He's just a child."
Tucker considered Cailan, his head propped up on his fist. "He’s reached puberty at least, and in a couple of years—”
"In a couple of years he’ll be fifteen and I’ll be eighteen," Liam interrupted.
Tucker gave a shrug. "That’s not so bad, but fine. Wait a few more if it pleases you. The point is, when he's grown he'll be quite a beauty."
Cailan didn't miss the way Liam's eyes skimmed his form with fresh consideration, his gaze lingering on his face. "Well, perhaps, but my father bought him with the intention that I would use him now. Why buy me a child for that?"
"The best ones sell young," Tucker explained. "You'd get only the dregs if you bought an older slave. To hell with your father's plans. Take these years to mold the boy, and then by the time you're ready to start a household of your own you'll have a fine Companion to see to your needs."
Liam studied Cailan for a moment longer before his lips twisted and he gave a sharp shake of his head. "I see your point, but that's a bit more forethought than I'm comfortable with. He's just a child."
"The girl who's promised as my bride is younger than your slave, so I'm used to forethought." Tucker stood and stretched his arms out. "Shall we go?"
Cailan stuck close behind Liam as they left the house, close enough that if Liam should come to a sudden stop or turn abruptly they might just happen to brush against one another through no deliberate action from Cailan. As far as Cailan could tell Liam hardly noticed these accidental touches, but Cailan savoured them. He was so focussed on his unmet need that he barely took in their surroundings as they walked past a few blocks of expensive houses to the stores.
Liam seemed far more comfortable in Tucker's company than he ever had been with Cailan, and it wasn't until they'd reached the long row of storefronts that he stopped to speak to Cailan. "What kind of clothes do you want?"
Cailan clasped and unclasped his hands in front of him. "Whatever pleases you, sir."
Tucker muffled a soft chuckle against Liam's shoulder. "Oh, he is good."
Liam shoved Tucker off. "I don't care what you wear."
Cailan dropped his gaze to the ground. Of course Liam didn't care.
"What do you want?" Liam asked again.
Cailan bit back against the urge to request to be touched again. That wasn't what Liam was asking, and it hadn't gone over so well last time. "I—I don't mind, sir."
"There's a store that caters to slaves down there," Tucker said. "Robes and such. That will be what he's used to and what he'll stand out in the least."
When Cailan offered no disagreement, Liam shrugged and they followed Tucker.
The store they entered had a wide variety of robes, from expensive formal attire for companions to simple robes for labourers. Liam held out his hands and gestured broadly. "What do you want?"
"Um..." Cailan glanced around him, completely lost.
Tucker laughed and patted Liam on the shoulder. "He's probably not used to getting to choose his own things. Just grab him something for formal occasions and a few of the more basic robes."
"Does that sound okay?" Liam asked Cailan.
"Yes, sir."
"Hey, they have changing rooms," Tucker said, his eyebrows lifting and a smile curving his lips. "Want to go examine one with me, Li?"
"I don't know," Liam said, posture gone stiff as his gaze shifted between Tucker and Cailan.
"Liam," Tucker said as he stepped in close and, after a quick glance around to check nobody was watching, pressed a kiss to the corner of Liam's mouth.
Liam's throat bobbed as he swallowed and he gave a quick nod. "Cailan, why don't you look around for a minute?"
"Yes, sir," Cailan said carefully, but he didn't move as he watched the two boys duck behind one of the curtains.
Cailan felt rooted to the spot as he listened to the sounds coming from behind the curtain, a quiet thud and then the wet sound of lips against lips. Cailan's skin felt too hot and his throat felt tight. His stomach twisted as he heard one of the boys inhale sharply.
When the boys came out a few minutes later, flushed faced and pink lipped, Cailan still hadn't moved from where he'd been left.
"Did you find anything?" Liam asked as he adjusted his clothing, his gaze landing on Cailan's face for only an instant before quickly flitting away.
"No, sir. I—I'm sorry."
"Did you even start looking?"
Cailan shook his head and stared down at his feet.
The blow that landed on Cailan's bottom came as such a shock that he squeaked loudly, though it had only hurt a little. By the time Cailan realised it had been Tucker who had struck him, Liam already had a firm grip on the other boy's wrist.
"Don't hit him," Liam growled.
Tucker shook his wrist until Liam let go. "He disobeyed you. It was just a tap. My father whips his slaves."
Liam's expression twisted up in disgust. "You think I should whip some poor kid every time he slips up?"
"Of course not. He's a Companion. It would be a waste to cover him in scars. It's important to keep them in line, though. He'll walk all over you if you let him."
The shop clerk had been drawn out from behind his desk by the sound of raised voices, and he approached the boys with a disapproving frown etched on his face. "Is there a problem here?"
"No," Liam said. "Tuck, maybe you should wait outside."
Tucker let out a huff and shook his head. "No, I've had enough. You can figure this mess out on your own. See you at school?"
As Tucker left, the clerk turned to Liam. "May I help you find anything?"
"Uhh... a formal robe and a few for everyday wear for this one, I suppose."
Liam was quiet and tight lipped as they quickly completed their shopping, and as soon as his purchases were bundled up he turned them in the direction of home. They were around half way back before he spoke.
"My father used to hit me when I was little," Liam said. "Before I learnt not to ever cross him. And... I always promised myself if I had kids, I would never hurt them. Later I came to realise I had no interest in women and so it seemed unlikely I would ever have children. But, well, I guess I've ended up with one anyway. I have you. I won't hurt you."
"Oh," Cailan said carefully. "One doesn't normally— I mean you can, but normally people don't beat companions. At the House, we were put into isolation as punishment."
"That does seem more reasonable," Liam said. "A time out for bad behaviour."
Cailan bit his lip against the urge to tell Liam that he'd rather be beaten so long as it was done by hand, so long as Liam would make even the briefest, most painful of contact with him. He would take pain any day over nothing at all.
That wasn't what Liam wanted to hear, though. If he knew how much Cailan wanted contact of any kind, he'd probably be disgusted and make sure he was unable to sneak it even in the tiny moments of contact as they walked.
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