I opened my eyes to the brightness and some beeping noises. I felt trapped again due to some cables and oxygen mask and panicked. The machine’s sound got louder and my heart was beating like crazy. Nurses and a doctor entered the room and check up on me. One of the nurses took the mask of and
The doctor examined me and asked some questions like what I remember or if I lost my memory. I wish I had lost. No. I remembered everything. I didn’t talk though. Just nodded my head. He said my family will be informed that I am awake now. Wait… they were not here? He didn’t know. If he didn’t avert his eyes I would believe him but… now my panic mode was back. I felt like I couldn’t breath at all. They put the mask back on my face and told me that there is nothing to worry. The other nurse injected something in my I.V. I got relax after thatand my eyelids closed.
“He remembers everything. His ribs getting better and there is no concussion anymore. You know he is asleep for 9 days now. He is in a better condition now and you should be thankful that he is alive. Once he is awake you can take him home.” I didn’t open my eyes and listened to them. Who was this. Must be the doctor. I was sleeping for 9 days??
“Thank you doctor. When do you think he will wake up?” Mom? Oh thank god she is here. I panicked for nothing.
“Soon. I think he is already awakening.” Oh I got myself caught I think. I opened my eyes and saw my mom’s hard as a stone face. Why was she not happy that I was awake? I smiled at her and she turned her face to the doctor.
“Are we free to go now?” Wha…
“Yes. You need to sign some documents first. Please follow the nurse and let me check Sole’s condition last time.” And my mom left the room without a word to me.
I don’t know what my look tell to the doctor but he looked at me with a pitty and tried to smile.
“What’s going on here? Why she was not happy that I am awake?”
“Oh Sole…she is your mom kid. Ofcourse she is happy. Now lay down and let me check on your ribs.”
Something was going on but I should wait till I got home. My mom finished with the prosedure and we were free to go. I tried to changed my gown into my cloths and it was really hard with bruised ribs. But she didn’t help me. Not even asked me if I needed any help. That was weird. She was waiting for me to finish near the door like a statue.
“Mom? Is there something happened? Are you ok?”
Mom looked at me like I am the foolest person in the whole world. That was a first. My mom looked at me like I was a gum under her shoe. Disgust? I saw that somewhere else too.
We got in the car and drove home. When I entered I got a big hug and smile from my brother. He was 13 and was the cutest boy in the whole world. My dad’s voice was sharp and loud “ Dennis go to your room!” We separated and he went up to his room unwillingly.
I walked to my dad slowly. He was in the living room watching some sports on TV.
“Hey dad. I am home.” I said hesitantly.
“I can see that Sole.” Where was my dad who would hug me anytime he missed me.
“What’s going on with you guys? Are you ok?”
“What do you think? That we are stupid? That we would have never known what you did in the school? That you got a well deserved beating and slept for 9 days in a hospital because you are a little fag?”
The World was a rug and somebody pulled it under my feet. Very fast. I sat somewhere I don’t know if it is a coach or floor. Probably floor. My vision got blacked and all I could see was my father’s angry face. Not his body, not the room, not my mom. Only his angry face. I was drowning under water and nobody pulled me out. I couldn’t hear his voice but I was sure his words were stinging in my heart. When I felt the wall behind me I found the support I need and I left myself on it. Now I was leaning on the wall as sitting on the floor begining to come back to the present. Last I heard was “Pack your shit and leave this house immediately. I have no son like you.”
I couldn’t run upstairs, my legs were shaking. The unknown mistery was solved. I reached at my room and closed the door. When my brother came into my room I was sitting on my bed not knowing what to do. I confessed my love to a jerk, got beaten up, stayed in a hospital for 9 days, rejected by my family. What else?
“What happened while I was in the hospital Dennis? Please tell me so I know what I should do with myself.”
“You know…people talking. That you went on a guy in school and he beated you up to save his dignity because you humiliated him by assuming he is a…gay like you.. Many neighbours and relatives came to our home and…they said they’re pittying our parents because they don’t deserve a son like you. You can guess the rest. Everybody thinks that Jay is the right one and you deserved it. But his family got upset with him and offered to pay your hospital bills but ofcourse my dad declined their offer. People say you are the only gay in this town and they don’t want you here. Parents have not known what to do after the bomb and hid at home for days. Dad said you are a disgrace to our family. They will save their honour by kicking you out now. But I don’t want you to go. Can I come with you? Where will you go anyway? How will you live by yourself at the age of 16? You are not even an adult yet.”
Thanks my brother to voice all my questions all at once. I didn’t know what should I do or where should I go. I had no money either. What about the school? What have I done to myself? For what? Love? And for who? A piece of jerk? I am the biggest foolish fool. God!! Show me my way…
“Dennis, you don’t want mom and dad reject you too. Be good with them. Live your life, go to school and be a good man. When you are 18 and if I manage to make a good life than you are welcome to live with me my brother. Once I have a place I will get you know. I love you never forget that.you are my best friend. Only friend in this world. Now go to your room and let it be our last goodbye. Ok?” I hugged him and sent him to his room.
After I got my belongings I left the home. At the age of 16. I was all alone. Some people saw me on the streets wandering around with my bags and looked at me weirdly. Some turned their heads away. Some changed their way. I was devatested and numb after all the incident with my parents and none of them effected me anymore. My parents left my legal documents, certificates and some money on my bed. Enough to buy a bus ticket to the far far away. And live a couple of days.
After a long journey to the south I was looking around in a bus station like a fool. I was the biggest foolish fool who didn’t know what to do now. I decided to walk to the seaside. I mean we are in south. There must be a beach or something here. I walked, walked and walked. Finally I found myself in front of the marina. I was watching all the boats from afar. Anybody could see the admiration on my face if they looked at me. Nobody looked at me. I jumped over the fences and I was in. I wandered around and checked the boats closely. Some people were working on some boats, some people were getting ready to sail, some of them only sitting in them and chatting happily. While I was walking and looking at them like a fool I am, I got tripped on a rope and couldn’t stand on my feet anymore. The last thing I saw was I was flying to the sea and heard a big splash. Did I mentioned that I don’t know how to swim? Yeah…I don’t.
I couldn’t hear what’s going on outside ofcourse but I could hear some people got panicked and shouting and I struggled to go up but couldn’t because the rope I tripped was come with my foot and kept me under and I couldn’t free myself. Not that I could swim up but I could try. Finally someone dived under the water to find me but I couldn’t keep my breathe anymore and I did blackout. Again.
Once I woke up I was in a luxury room and could hear that some people talking. I sat up and looked at them. One of them which was an old man with a white beard and a pipe in his mouth noticed me and smiled.
“Look who is with us now” he said.
Other two guy turned their head and looked at me. They were nice looking people. And you could tell that they were rich. They told me that one of the younger men saved me and he was a doctor also. He checked up on me and said that I was ok. But they saw all the bruises and wanted to know what’s my story. So I told them my biggest mistake and how it ended. So they learnt why I was wandering in the marina aimlessly. I couldn’t say if I was lucky but the old man with the white beard took his pipe out of his mouth and said something that saved my life second time.
“I guess you could help us on the boat from now on. You’ll not get paid much but it will help you to go on with your life. You can sleep in one of the cabins on the below deck with other workers. Now shake my hand Sole. I am your new boss Trent Cliff.”
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