Of course, Damon would have to live somewhere completely remote and so difficult to reach you practically needed the woodland skills of a survivalist to get to. She was glad she had taken Boris’s advice and worn long sleeves. She was a tad too warm but at least she wasn’t scratched up.
The cabin Damien called his was small and tucked away under very thick tree cover. It was obvious it was only meant for one person. Obviously, this was his fortress of solitude. Suddenly nervous about intruding so boldly into his private space, she took a deep breath. It wasn’t as if she could turn back now. With his senses, he would know she had come out here. With another deep breath to steady her nerves, she walked up to the door and knocked. There was nothing but silence and the sounds of birds singing to each other in the canopy above.
Lily knocked again and then tried turning the handle when she got the same result. The door was locked and it was obvious he wasn’t home. Of course, she came all this way and hadn’t thought to make sure he would be around. Mentally smacking herself in the head she sighed and took off the long-sleeved shirt, leaving her only with her t-shirt and jeans. She sighed in relief at the cooler garb and sat on the stump next to Damien’s front door. Luckily she had brought snacks and water with her for this hike and a book as well. Then again she always had a book with her. It didn’t take long for her to become engaged in the story. Before she knew it, she was four chapters in and starting in surprise at the sound of Damien’s voice.
“Oh, hi Damien!” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“I called your name several times.”
“Sorry. Sometimes I get so drawn in by what I read that I just don’t notice anything else.”
“I noticed.” He studied her for a moment. “Why are you here?” His voice was low and soft.
“Because you and I need to have a conversation, and every time I try to you disappear. I figure coming to you, on your turf might be better.” She moved over a little. “Want to share the stump with me?” She smiled her shy smile. He crouched down in front of her so he was looking her in the eyes. She didn’t drop his gaze this time, though it was hard not to.
“There is nothing to talk about Lilliana.”
“Yes, there is.” He stood up and started to enter his cabin, basically dismissing her. “How about the fact that you won’t even give me a chance because you don’t think I should care for you?” He halted, hand on the doorknob. “How about the fact that when you look at me, I can see you feel the same as I do? Or what about the fact that I’m a little mad at you for deciding what I should and should not feel for you based on your own demons?” He turned and looked at her, his face unreadable. “I think there are plenty of topics worthy of discussion and I am not leaving here until we hash this out. I will sleep on your roof.” His mouth quirked up into a half smile and she grinned back.
“You’re angry with me?”
“Only a little bit.” He opened the door wider.
“Then enter.” He walked into the cabin, letting the door hang open. She took another deep breath and walked in after him, closing the door behind her. The cabin was tidy but small as she had thought it was. There was a sitting area that had an old worn sofa and a bookshelf full of books that looked as if they had been there a long time. There was a door beside the shelf that she assumed led to a bedroom and a small kitchen area. The living room and kitchen were separated by a countertop. Otherwise, the place was barren. It looked like an old hunting cabin that had been repurposed. Basically, it desperately needed a woman’s touch. It didn’t feel like a home. It felt like a shelter. She wondered how much time he spent alone in this dreary place with no company. He was leaning against the back of his couch watching her take in his home.
“What are you thinking Lilliana?”
“I’m thinking that you spend too much time on your own.” He smirked.
“I enjoy being alone.”
“Do you really? So you never wish there was someone with you?”
“Wishing is for fools.”
“I disagree.”
“Oh?”
“Do you take me for a fool, Damien?”
“No. I do not think you foolish.”
“Well, I wish a lot of things. I dream big too. Not all of those dreams will come true, but it’s not foolish to dream them.”
“And what do you dream?” She smiled at him.
“When I was little I dreamt that I would meet a unicorn one day. I dreamt of being a famous singer too. Things that most little girls dream of I suppose.”
“And now?”
“Now, my dreams are a little more realistic. I dream of having a family around me that cares, a support structure I never knew. That one has come true. I dream of finding a man and getting married and having babies. I dream that my children will have a father that loves them the way mine never loved me. Pretty much what you’d expect I guess.” She hopped up onto the counter and faced him.
“I am not part of that dream, though in another life I could have been.”
“And who are you to tell me what I can dream? You think because there is darkness in you that I can’t want you; that I must be mistaken?” He sighed.
“Lily, if we started this, acted on what is between us; you would see the parts of me that have done great evil, and you would run. I am not saying you are weak. I’m saying you underestimate me. You think because we have passion between us that you can overcome that. When you realize what I am and find yourself face to face with a monster, do you honestly think that you can stare it down, that it will not strike fear into your heart?” She thought over his words very carefully. This was not a conversation to be rushed through. This was a conversation that required her to put passion away and use her head.
“I honestly don’t know. I have no basis of experience to make an assumption on Damien. But can you say to me that you don’t even want to try?”
“You honestly don’t know how much I want you, do you? Of course, I do. But I would rather not have you than to have known you and see the fear in your eyes for the rest of our lives.” His voice was gruff. “Because once you are mine, even if you fear me; I am too selfish to let you go.”
“I had a conversation with Klaus once.” Damien seemed confused by the sudden proclamation. “He had realized that I was into you, and he made me promise him something.”
“What?”
“He made me promise that I would ask you what the worst thing you had ever done was. You are worried that once I find out I will turn on you. We haven’t started anything yet. So tell me now, and maybe we can move past this one way or another. What is the worst thing you have ever done?” He moved forward and framed her face in his hands, staring at her as if he would never see her again. Then he pulled her forward and his lips crashed onto hers. All she could do was moan and give in. It was the kind of kiss that people write songs and poetry about. It was the kind of kiss you feel to your toes; that makes you forget your own name. It was desperate and hungry and full of bittersweet farewell and leashed passion. When he pulled away her entire body was shaking. “If you do that again I’m not leaving this cabin.”
“No, you wouldn’t be.” He growled. After a few moments, he turned away from her and looked out the small window.
Damien
He couldn’t begin to describe what it was like to see her in his turf. She had no weapon, only herself and she had walked into his home and sat on his counter as though it were normal for someone to visit him. The truth was, no one had been in his home since Klaus and his brother had become old enough to have their own homes. The boys had left his care when they were sixteen. They were over one hundred years old now. Yet there she was, beautiful and challenging and comfortable in his territory. Their kiss still sang through him, and he couldn’t look at her anymore, not while he told her what he knew would make her run from him. The memories of that night were fresh in his mind as though it had been yesterday instead of centuries ago.
“I was still young then, still human. The livestock in our village had been dying. Each night we found more cattle and sheep ripped to shreds. Back then there were no grocery stores, comfortable jobs. The cattle and sheep provided us with meat, milk, clothing, trade, and money. Our lives depended on them as much as on our crops. So when the eighth animal was slaughtered a group of us went out to find the wolves we assumed were responsible. I was the only one who made it back and I was gravely injured.
It was thought I would not live to see the next dawn. Then the Goddess came to me and offered me a different choice. I thought it was a dream, when I accepted her offer. But when the sun came up my wounds were healed. Some said it was a miracle. Others claimed it was sorcery. But I had never felt better. I went about my life like I always had, forging blades and horseshoes as the village blacksmith. But as the month grew long and the next full moon appeared my mood grew strange and feral. Everywhere I went I could smell blood and instead of sickening me, it made me hungry. It didn’t take long to realize that it was the blood of my fellow villagers I was smelling. Still, I did not know what was happening. I thought myself mad. The priest said I was still shaken at being the only survivor of our hunt for the wolf and that I must pray more often. I had never been religious, but I prayed for the madness to pass.
The night of the full moon came, and I turned. I was in the church, giving a confession, and the wolf took me for the first time. I had no control, but I was aware of everything that was happening. Lycanthrope are not like wolves, they attack for the sheer pleasure of it. They hunt because that is what they want to do. There is no mindfulness, no thought other than to kill. That fades with time, but in the beginning, you must sit inside your own head and watch yourself ripping people you have known since birth; to shreds. I killed women, and children as well as men. And when I woke in the morning I was covered in their blood and what had once been a thriving village was full of the ghosts of the people whose lives I had stolen.
In one evening I slaughtered 70 people. And I killed after that as well. I kept to the forests while learning to control myself, but there were times when a woodsman would cross my path, or I myself would kill too many livestock. But that first night, when I turned for the first time; that is the worst thing I have done.” She didn’t say anything, though he could feel her eyes on him. He couldn’t look at her. If he looked away, it wouldn’t be as bad when she walked out the door.
Lilliana
His story was horrifying. So many deaths, so much suffering, and all done at his hands. She felt sick. No wonder he’d assumed she would run. Honestly, she had considered it. How could she want to be with someone who had that much death on their hands?
But he hadn’t known what was happening to him. It had been completely out of his control and he obviously recognized the gravity of what he had done. She had seen the way he took care of the pack. No one went hungry, and everyone had a roof over their heads. He had always been gentle with her, with anyone he was near actually. It seemed to her that he was a good man who had been forced into something horrible by something he had no control over. It seemed he’d been punishing himself for it ever since.
Knowing what he had done, and the pain he had caused, she felt like she should be afraid of him. She should look at him and hate him for what he had done. That’s what society said about people like him. But all she could feel for him was a deep sadness that he’d been carrying this burden alone all this time. She wasn’t going to baby him, but it wasn’t her place to judge him either. She had no idea what it meant to become a lycanthrope and no reason to think he was still that out of control. Taking a deep breath she walked over to him and rested her hand on his shoulder. He looked down at her, surprise warring with wariness on his face.
“I can’t pretend to understand what all you went through. I haven’t done what you have done, so I can never fully get it. I’m not going to make excuses for you either. What you did was terrible and it does scare me. But I have seen the way you are now. I have seen the way you treat the pack, how you treat me. Your actions now are not the same.”
“That capacity for violence still lives inside me Lily.”
“I know. I haven’t deluded myself into thinking you couldn’t do that now, and I know what a risk I am taking. But if I don’t try this, try finding out what we can be together; I will never forgive myself and I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had taken a chance with you.” He was facing her fully, eyes boring into hers, searching for any indication that she was bluffing.
“My god, you mean that.” His voice was quiet.
“Yes.” Just at that moment there came a howling from the woods. Lily knew that meant something was going down.
“I must...”
“Go. I know.” She leaned forward and kissed him feather light on the lips. “I’ll wait here.” He was gone quickly, though reluctantly, and she was looking out the door after him.
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