I AM A GOOD PERSON

I AM A GOOD PERSON

I AM A GOOD PERSON

I AM A GOOD PERSON

I open my eyes and listen to the people chanting around me. I try to gain a quick peek at the others just a little, but the monk in front of the class is watching and notices this. Her bald, freshly shaven head adorned with frayed stray hairs, tilts upward. Miraculously, her frail ankles hold her light weight. The saturated red robe saunters over to me. She smacks my hand with a single piece of metal, "You must sit with your eyes closed." With help and careful guidance from some apprentice monks, she sits back on her elevated zafu. I close my eyes and begin to chant again.

I AM A GOOD PERSON

It's incredibly hot. The rickety fan behind me creaks; it is breathing its last breaths. It emits a dying sound as if it were a group of beatboxing rats. I quickly become restless. A dewdrop of sweat trickles from my forehead and into my mouth. I feel more sweat starting to come along. I clench my jaw, trying to fight it, but inevitably I open my eyes. I wipe the sweat quickly so as not to be seen and close my eyes again. The old monk waddles over, smacking my head. "Do not move." I just as readily close my eyes and let the sweat consume me. The sweat drips into my mouth, robe, and every crevice on my body.

I AM A GOOD PERSON

Due to my condition, my knees and ankles begin to throb incessantly. The urge to stretch my legs out for relief becomes immense. My heart races and I curl my toes; the pain is unbearable. I listen to the other meditators around me and find it hard to believe that they don't have similar issues as I do. I'm new here, and when I spoke to them they all seemed like they've been here for years. Their answers, as well as them, were all strangely similar. I pointed this out prior to class starting and they only said, "The self is where life goes to die." I twiddle my toes and try to focus on my breathing. A balloon in my body begins to swell and I can't get it to relent. I uncontrollably stretch my legs and sigh out of relief. The monk scolds me again, "No moving, you're supposed to be accepting life!"

I AM A GOOD PERSON I AM A GOOD PERSON I AM A GOOD PERSON I AM A GOOD PERSON I AM A GOOD PERSON I AM A GOOD PERSON

Days pass and we endure on a trip to climb a gorgeous mountain. My hips ache, but my mentor assures me that pills only further my addiction to relief. I believe her; she says she's enlightened so I must. We climb the mountain and reach the summit. I stare at the world below. I haven't been hiking ever since I was a boy, oh, a mere 6 decades ago. I take in the sights, and breathe a crisp breath in. I look at the trees, the bushes; a bustling world. I'm hurriedly taken out of this state. My mentor shuffles over with her bloody, dry, cracking bare feet. She smacks me on the hand, "Come chant." 

I DO NOT EXIST, THE SELF IS AN ILLUSION

I DO NOT EXIST, DESIRE IS AN ILLUSION

I DO NOT EXIST, THE EGO IS SEPARATE

I DO NOT EXIST, THE WORLD AND I ARE ONE

Months pass and my body aches, but I pay it no mind. My ego drifts off with it's suffering, it's greed and desires, but I pay it no mind. We head to a retreat in the desert, fully naked. Barefoot, we've begged for four months straight. Our bodies prove our willingness to the divine. The clothes on my back are now gone; materialism is the ego! The watch on my wrist is now gone; time is an illusion! My four story house and pool are now gone; possessions are an illusion! My wife and child I have left; love is desire! My, how foolish I was! I used to think this life was hard, but now I feel nothing! We head over to a tiny cactus and sit on the scorching, desert floor. The holy one advises us to sit here until we remove ourselves from the desire of water. Desire is a poison, the mind must be liberated, and I must unite with the universe!

I AM NOT DESIRE

I AM INFINITY

I AM INFINITY 

I AM INFINITY

i AM INFINITY

i aM INFINITY

i am INFINITY

i am iNFINITY

i am inFINITY

i am infINITY

i am infiNITY

i am infinITY

i am infiniTY

i am infinitY

i am infinity

……