Another year has passed in Sandervile, and I just turned ten. I wish I could say that our bi-monthly market excursions have led to a development in my escape plan, but they have only reaffirmed my need for an opportunity outside of the city. Or at least outside of the mayor’s district. 

Since I’ve been back to the market, I haven’t seen Deguzman at all. Anytime I inquire about the merchant, I get only vague answers like “Yeah, I know that guy, I think?” or “I’ve seen him around a few times.” Any time I ask for more details, they are never supplied. Regardless, I don’t have a reason to see him yet since I don’t have any items I need right now.

“Kaladin, can you help me with this?” Muriel asked me.

“Of course.”

All the servants, regardless of status, have been working to the bone the last week. We have been preparing for two significant events that will be happening tomorrow. I thought it was a little weird celebrating the tenth birthday of a princess while also welcoming foreign dignitaries for a special occasion, but I guess saving money is always on people’s minds.

Mayor Sandervile is even throwing the party at the mansion. I can count on one hand how many parties he has hosted at the estate, and calling those parties would be a long shot. 

They were more like medium-sized gatherings of very close friends than a party for a noble. Of course, Mayor Sandervile attended many events throughout the year, often going to the noble or knight district to attend those functions. It seems he had some kind of aversion to hosting large parties.

“Here, open it, Kaladin,” Muriel ordered.

Muriel had guided me to the kitchen. She had a faint smile creeping up on her mouth as she handed me a white plate that was covered. I took the covering off and was very confused. Why would she tell me to open this? It’s just a cake? 

Seeing my confusion, Muriel answered my questions for me. “It’s for you. Happy late birthday, Kaladin.”

“Happy birthday, Kaladin!” a handful of voices called out.

“Huh?”

Sylros and Adria came out from the back room with a few servants all wishing me a happy birthday. Why would they do something like this? I mean, I expected Muriel, perhaps, but to go this far?

“Well, what are you doing? Me and Muri made it for you so eat it! ” Adria exclaimed.

Sylros came and patted me on the back. “Happy tenth birthday, Kaladin. Enjoy the next five years because before you can even blink, you will be a man.” Then he bent down and whispered into my ear. “And this was Adria’s idea, so make sure you thank her.”

I nodded in response. So this was Adria’s idea? I hadn’t expected this, that's for sure. I thought she was too excited about her own birthday to remember me. I guess I should thank her for going through all this trouble. And Muriel for helping her make the cake and by helping… I mean, Muriel probably baked the entire cake by herself. I’d never so much as seen Adria make a sandwich for herself, let alone bake a dessert.

Everyone was eyeing me expectantly as I held the cake in my hands, so I set it on the counter and grabbed a fork. It wasn’t decorated or anything and just looked like a lump of light brown chocolate. I don’t think they whipped out any of the volumes on how to bake a cake for a royal out of the library. 

A pang of pain and sadness struck my chest before I dug in. I slowly looked up at everyone who was smiling and waiting for me when I had a realization. This is just like when Mom, Dad, and Grandpa were waiting for me to eat that cupcake on my fifth birthday…

“What’s wrong, Kali?” Adria asked me.

“Oh, nothing… I’m just so happy you did this for me. Thank you,” I lied.

Adria beamed a smile at me while Muriel just closed her eyes and said nothing. I took a bite of the cake, and it was very sweet. The cake was still a little warm and the chocolate melted in my mouth. I think it tasted good, but for some reason, I didn’t like it very much. 

That cupcake tasted a lot better…

Afterward, we all mingled for a bit in the kitchen. The other servants wished me a happy birthday and gave me words of encouragement or praise. Sylros left shortly after to attend to some business while Adria and Muriel stuck around. We talked aimlessly about the last few days and how hectic it was for all of us.

Well, Adria’s “difficult” times included getting fitted for a new dress or going to hair or nail appointments in the noble district. And other miscellaneous tasks to get ready for her big day tomorrow.

Even so, as I watched the two of them talk and clean up the small party, I couldn’t help but feel conflicted. I feel like I should be more grateful or even slightly happier for them going through all of this for me. It was only a thirty-minute ordeal but considering that I was a slave, I didn’t deserve even a passing glance.

Why was that? Did I hate these people? I don’t think so… I definitely don’t hate Muriel. 

She has been a beacon of warmth and kindness since day one for me. I can say with absolute confidence that I see Muriel as a friend. Even if we don’t see eye to eye on our positions, I can hardly blame her. Even Sylros, who can be hard on me sometimes, isn’t cruel or mean-spirited about anything. He simply just wants to serve House Sandervile, and even so, he is still kind to me. So it’s hard to hate Sylros.

Even Adria, who is my owner and master, treats me with respect and kindness, like a person. Adria even sees me as her friend. She has never once called me her slave or even used anything other than my name. Adria never asks me to do anything she wouldn’t do herself.

 I mean, I do things that are expected of me as a servant, but as for Adria, I’m not sure if she has ever given me a direct order. She jokes around and orders me not to wake her up or accompany her to the garden. But that’s it. 

So I don’t hate Adria, either.

But even with all that being said, why is that I feel so dissatisfied? These people went out of their way to try and make my life just a little bit better, and I’m not enjoying this whatsoever. So why is that? I stared silently out into the kitchen as I pondered those questions and the only answer I could come up with was…

I just don’t care. 

My feelings haven’t changed since the day I arrived here. No matter how kind they were to me, these people could never replace my family or friends. I’d sacrifice all of them if it meant going home tomorrow. My freedom and happiness are just an illusion here in Sandervile. Just like it was before I died. But I’ve learned my lesson. I know what I want. I promised I wouldn’t be a tool and that I would live the life I wanted. 

This is not the life I want to live.