Arthur woke up in cold sweat, his face wet with tears. He felt sick to his core and grief gripped him in a vice tighter than any of the Muay-Thai holds he knew. His hand spasmed and he dropped them to his sides, clenching and unclenching his fists as he took a steadying breath, trying to get his racing heartbeat under control.
You can’t do anything about it now. She's not coming back. It's...it’s not your fault.
Arthur repeated the words to himself internally, the last thoughts sounding hollow even to him. A lie so loud he could hear it. In his dreams and his every waking moment. Following one of his therapists' many pieces of advice, he started to recite the alphabet backwards, something that was sadly becoming far easier lately, until his mind became blessedly quiet. By the time Arthur was ready to face the important day before him, the blood on his palms had already dried up and the crescent-shaped scars were starting to scab over. Arthur looked at the time.
7:28
An hour before his exam. He was going to be late for his midterms. Something he'd tried so hard for. The only thing that had held his life together.
He couldn't find it in himself to care.
Despite his guilt-ridden state, Arthur had tried to reassemble his life after the crushing loss of his only family. He hadn't been altogether successful, though he had made a little progress. It had been six months since then and he was finally starting to move beyond his tragic past.
Arthur rushed into the shower, hastily dried and dressed for the day and started running towards the train station. Moving meant he didn’t have to think. Keeping himself busy was the best way to escape his thoughts. He’d skipped breakfast of course, not sure if his nerves would be able to handle a full stomach.
Arthur barely made it in time, the train doors just about to close as he jumped onto the vehicle. He couldn't be late today. It would break him. Just the final nail in the coffin to finish the job.
The exam he’d been preparing for wouldn’t take itself and he didn't want to invalidate all the hours he’d spent studying by turning up late. Arthur opened up his text textbooks, hoping to keep his mind active. Cramming in a few more minutes was just an added bonus.
‘The types and usages of anaesthesia in surgery.’
He quickly lost himself in rambling text detailing the nuances of surgical procedures. The train journey was blessedly uninterrupted by any delays and he managed to arrive at the university a half-hour ahead of time.
Stepping through the iron gates into the huge premise, Arthur took a deep steadying breath. Come on, you can do this. He’d missed several lessons but had more than made up for the lost time with the hours he’d spent outside of class. His inner musings were interrupted suddenly by a high-pitched shout.
“Arthur, Arthur. Hey Arthur!”
The last call had been directly shouted into his ears, and he winced at the loud noise.
“I’ve been calling you for a minute now, Art,'' Elizabeth grumbled, a frown on her face, her hands firmly planted on her hips.
Arthur turned around to take in her short but imposing 5-ft 4 frame, smiling as he saw the familiar face of his longtime friend.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry,” he tried to calm her down, “I'm just so caught up in all this stress.”
Elizabeth’s frown steadily faded away until she beamed at him with a dazzling smile.
“Don't worry,” she teased, “Everyone knows you're going to come first anyway. With brains like yours, I wonder if you do anything besides studying, actually. Like how’s it even fair? You weren’t here for half the lessons and you're still going to beat me,” she complained.
Unsure as to how exactly he should reply to that statement, Arthur didn’t say anything. Taking his silence as a sign she’d said something wrong, Elizabeth quickly went over everything she’d said and her skin rapidly flushed with guilt.
“I'm sorry. I’m sorry. That came out wrong,” she tried to apologise.
“I didn't mean it like that, well I did- but- urgh, you know what I mean.” She mumbled, looking down at the ground, unable to meet Arthur's gaze.
Arthur sighed internally, taking pity on her embarrassing apology.
“Hey, hey. Calm down. I’m not a fragile minefield you need to walk around, not anymore,” he tried reassuring her.
I'm already blown to bits.
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