The dining hall was in full swing by the time I arrived. Uniformed Fae criss-crossed between aisles of metal tables looking for a spot to relax and socialize. The low hums of conversation were almost too much for my ears after spending most of my day alone. I’d gone over every detail of the search plans that the generals had sent me for revision before sending them off to Mab. It was how our chain of command worked and it was the perfect position for a traitor like me to be in. If questionable changes were made, Mab ordered me to speak with the generals on her behalf. If the generals suspected anything they kept their mouths shut because they were too afraid to question Mab’s decisions. 

One of the newest orders Mab had given out was that Macha needed to be found immediately. We’d already been searching for her as soon as she escaped Slykhelm but things had become more urgent. Mab was becoming increasingly enraged everyday that Macha wasn’t found. Which meant small factions of soldiers were being sent out to different places around the realm to search for her. So, Mab’s once under the radar searches were about to become public knowledge. I needed to tell my father of the changes in Mab’s tactics as soon as possible, along with the locations the soldiers were going to be searching first. 

Something I had wanted to do as soon as possible but if I missed dinner my team would notice. After Macha had killed the entire elite guard besides me, I had hand picked a group of highly skilled men and women to replace them. The initial thought had been that after a few centuries, I could start flipping them one by one. But it was obvious to me now, that either they were all very good liars or they would always remain loyal to Mab. A shame really but not a major problem, now I knew who to kill on my way out of Mab’s army. 

Lowly ranked soldiers shuffled out of the way as I passed making it easier for me to reach the food line. Cutting to the front, I grabbed a plate of pasta smothered in green kili sauce and an unsugared ale. I couldn’t afford to have my senses dulled, not when I was this deep in enemy territory. Unfortunately, Baris didn’t feel the same need to be responsible. Forcing my features to remain cool and detached, I gazed over the scene before me. 

The idiot was currently engrossed in conversation with a pretty pale skinned female. It wasn’t that he was having a bit of fun that was annoying me, it was the fact that I had seen him with this redhead more than once. Father and I had both stressed the importance of not making any attachments during our time here. But like always, Baris decided he knew best and continued to do what he wanted to do. They flashed tender smiles at each other as they ate and laughed when Baris accidentally spit food at her. 

How anyone could think that repulsive show was cute, was beyond my understanding. Perhaps it was something only the idiotic understood. Why couldn’t he be more like Bria? With her I never had to worry about what secrets she may be spilling to a bedmate.

Looking away, I continued towards my table and took a seat across from Hamish. The orange haired male was our team’s master archerer and the one I disliked the least. He was quiet and kept mostly to himself but was actually good company. Out of everyone, he was the one I really wanted to flip onto Macha’s side. Not just for his skill set but because Hamish would have been an excellent shadow. Someone to keep a close eye on Macha and keep her out of trouble when I couldn’t.

“Commander.” 

I nodded in response, looking around the empty table. “Where are the others?” 

“Left already. Wanted to hit the taverns early since we have a free day tomorrow.” 

What a waste of time this is then. “You didn’t go with them?”

Orange eyes glanced up at me from his slouched position, “Why would I?”

I just shrugged in response not having an answer to that.

Our conversation thankfully ended there and we were able to continue our dinner in silence. Giving me time to think about the updates my father was constantly announcing in my head about Macha. I had told him multiple times to stop as I didn’t need to know things like what she ate or wore that day. And why he thought I needed to know in intricate detail how she styled her hair, I was at a loss for. But, and I would take this to my grave in the stars, I was sort of disappointed that he hadn’t mentioned anything in three days. The last thing he told me about was how she rearranged the tents so the domestics in the camp would be safer.

Father thought it would be a good idea to test her on basic strategy maneuvers but I told him it was unnecessary. I knew from personal experience that she was more than capable of coming up with a cunning plan. As a child she tricked me into opening her cell a few times, only for her to rush at me with whatever she had carved into a weapon. However, conveniently enough, my father was never around when Macha played her little escape ticks. He almost never believed me when I told him anyways. 

A not so gentle nudge against the walls of my mind had me sending out feelers to see who it was. For a man who was given this ability, my father always had a way of popping into our minds whenever we thought of him.

Cillian.

Chewing slowly, I looked down at my plate. Father.

We need to talk. Are you alone?

No. Give me a minute.

Standing, I gave a short nod in goodbye to Hamish. But instead of walking back to my room, I closed my eyes for a brief moment and traveled. In an instant, I felt like I was floating through a permanent abyss of space and time. My feet touched down at almost the exact same moment my eyes opened to stare into the darkness. The dark faded away to the low candle light and stone walls of my private quarters. It was small but with enough room for a bed, a small table, a dresser and a bathroom. 

I’m alone. What is it? It had to be bad if my father thought I couldn’t control my reactions in public. 

Did you look into what I told you about?

There hasn’t been any disappearances or runaways since Macha escaped or before that actually.

None?

None. I could look deeper but since about four centuries ago, no one has left the Unseelie Kingdom. 

That’s not possible. 

Well, that’s what’s been recorded in the public records. 

Dig deeper, Son. And do it fast, you guys might need to come home sooner rather than later. 

Absolutely, not. It’s too soon. I haven’t even received the possible strategy plans for the war yet. 

I know but I think it’s time to tell Macha everything. 

Brows furrowed in confusion, I began to pace the length of my small room. Why? You told me telling her everything at once was a bad idea. It was your plan to tell her the truth in pieces. 

Yes, yes, I know. However...I have concerns about Macha making it to the war. 

What does that mean? I questioned, coming to a dead halt. 

His sigh drifted through my mind, I’ve been watching her closely since she’s arrived and she’s been acting erratic...unstable even. 

She’s always been erratic and unstable. It’s Macha.

Not like this, Cillian. You haven’t seen what we have. 

Concerned flowed through my veins and I began to pace again, Like?

Bria told me that almost every night, Macha wakes up screaming or yelling out. But when she’s checked on, she pretends like nothings wrong.

Macha’s not the type to admit weakness. You know that. 

You sister has mentioned seeing blood on a few of those occasions and those are just the nights she does sleep. Her moods swing wildly at any given time, she barely eats and she’s severely sleep deprived. She’ll seem fine one minute and then something will trigger her out of nowhere. Luckily for us, she somehow manages to control herself before she explodes. 

Then she obviously has more control over herself than you think if she can reel it back.

It’s not just that, though. She talks about walking away if the people don’t choose her as Queen. Macha carries the weight of her past mistakes like a ten ton Troll on her back. She’s going to lose it, Cillian. Any day now, something is going to trigger her and if she can’t pull herself back then she’s going to become the opposite of what we need her to be. 

So, what do you want to do? 

We tell her everything. She needs to face the anger she harbors against you and her past. She also needs to know what exactly we’re fighting to make her the Queen of. I’m starting to fear she thinks she’ll just become Queen of the Outerlands again. 

My eyes widened in understanding of what he wasn’t saying, You want to trigger her break down. 

It’s not ideal but we can’t afford to have her lose it during the more crucial parts of the war. And she needs to have a balanced mental state before she goes through the transformation.

And if triggering her breakdown also triggers her transformation? 

...Her will is ironclad. She’ll take the power.

Or she’ll reject it, thinking that she’s not good enough and it’ll burn her from the inside out. 

Macha needs to break down so she can rebuild herself but it’s not going to be pretty. We need her to do it on our terms so the entire plan doesn’t implode...And so the people around her don’t get hurt. 

Shaking my head, I rubbed at my jaw as I thought over what my father was implying. To purposely trigger Macha’s break down was cruel, yet necessary. It wouldn’t be the first time I was forced into making a similar decision for her, so it didn’t bother me much. What did bother me was the fact that we didn’t know if by doing this we were also going to trigger her transformation. A transformation that needed peace of mind and self assurance in order for her to come out with her soul intact. 

How sure are you that she is the one? That she even needs to transform to beat Mab? 

She’s the one the prophecy talks about. She needs to transform and take the power not only to beat Mab but to bring our kind together once and for all. 

And if she’s not, Father? She’ll burn away her entire soul trying to take power that isn’t hers. 

That wouldn’t happen, Cillian. Even if she did, she wouldn’t die. What she’s going to do is not the same as what Mab is doing to those innocent fae. 

My hands fisted as I snarled, showing off pointed teeth, If she loses her soul we’ll have a bigger problem than Mab on our hands. Macha without the little amount of morals that she has now, even without magick, is still a very dangerous woman.

All will be well. 

What happens when it isn’t? I’ll be the one to do what you can’t, Father. Again.

The memory of her flesh giving way to the iron stake I punctured through her chest flashed in my mind’s eye. Almost killing her was one thing, actually killing her would be something else entirely. I had done a lot of dishonorable things as Mab’s Commander and I hadn’t let any of them keep me up at night. But that...that was something I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to forgive myself for. I would and could do it, except I knew I wouldn’t be the same after.

Then what do you think we should do?

Keep with the original plan just sped up. I’ll figure out a way to split my time between here and the base. My role in this war as a double agent should be revealed to her first. I’ll have the most emotional toll on her, if she’s going to break down it’s going to be because of me. 

You’re sure?

My heart picked up at the thought of seeing her in person again, Yes. 

Not to sound like a Gnome, Son. But do you really think your presence will have that much of an effect on her? Mention of you, doesn’t.

Based on her last reaction to seeing me...yeah.

Then I agree. You should be the first secret revealed to her. Come when you’ve figured out a way to split your time but not this week.

I shook my head in confusion, Why not?

We’re going to start branching out looking for allies and recruits. The people haven’t accepted Macha as Queen yet so we’re going to...unusual means to require allies. 

What kind of unusual means?

She wants to go collect on deals she made in the past with, who I’m guessing, are less than noble fae. 

I shook my head, did this woman ever have a sane thought? She wants to gain allies by collecting on deals? That’s a horrible idea, it’ll never last. 

It will...if I tell them the truth about why she needs to win this war and become Queen. After you reveal yourself, of course. 

I’ll inform you before I arrive. But stay clear of the Unseelie territories around the kingdom, especially Nirabrugh, Banbha and Tiveal. Our troops will be combing through that area extensively. And one more thing, speak with Baris. He’s once again putting our safety in jeopardy and pissing me off.

That boy will be the death of me, the growled words bounced around my skull before he continued, I will speak with him again. Stay safe. No unnecessary risks.

My father’s presence left my head like a pressure slowly lifting from my brain. Turning on my heel, I dropped onto my cot and rubbed at my temples. It didn’t matter which way we went about triggering Macha’s breakdown. The effect it would have on her would be severe. I could only hope she was going to turn into who we needed her to be. Because no matter how much she pissed me off, I didn’t want the lunatic dead.

———————————————————

Who’s growing irritated with Baris? Why are they talking about Macha possibly losing her soul? Are they right to trigger Macha’s breakdown? So, so, so many new questions people. Hopefully you were all were able to get to know Cillian a bit better with this chapter and his feelings about Macha so far!

Comment what you liked or a theory on what the hell Cillian and Dougal were talking about! 

Smooches, Verbage 💋