Entry #825

How in the name of any one or thing holy could I be expected to trust her?

Emilian was last seen going to her house at around 4:30 in the evening. I don’t give a damn if everyone else trusts her. Every time I talk to her, she stares at the ground and fidgets. For the years now that I’ve known her, she extremely was composed. The shade of her eyes changes when his name is brought up. She has to know more than what she lets on.

Reports conflict, there was no way she was the last

Ink smeared in a fine line across the paper. It pooled at the end of the quill which sat under Scarlett’s fingers. Eleanore sighed deeply as she slid the paper back onto the table. Scarlett slept on the desk in the same position they dropped in. Eleanore gripped their shoulder. “Scarlett, wake up.” She said softly. Even a whisper could drown out her voice. Scarlett didn’t stir.

Eleanore shook them. Scarlett peeled open their eyes. They heaved themself up. Candle wax still lingered in the chilled air. The early morning silence was music to their ears. “It’s morning, Scarlett.” Eleanore murmured, burdened by concern. “Have you been up all night again?”

“I assure you Eleanore, everything is under control.” Scarlett groaned after clearing their throat.

“.. What’s ‘under control’..?” Asked Eleanore, every word she said was steeped in heated confusion.

Scarlett cleared their throat again. Their eyelids were heavier than bags of bricks. They slouched. “Er, nothing, sweetie. Do not worry about it.”

“It’s been five years. When was the last time you had a good nights rest?”

“Please, worry not.” Scarlett sighed as they lumbered off the chair. “What is the time?”

“I’m very worried.” Eleanore protested sharply.

Scarlett pursed their lips and shoved their chair back under the desk. “Your worries are valid, but-”

“You keep staying up till morning?”

“I am constantly busy.” Scarlett muttered. They ran a hand through their hair and sighed. “These few hours are the only ones I have-”

“What thinking can you do on zero hours of rest??”

“You’d be surprised.” Scarlett stated with a pinch of lightheartedness.

They looked out the window. Sunlight flooded in like water from a dam. Clouds danced through the sky just as hues of golden and blue did. Scarlett looked down at the desk. It was still consumed by the last blankets of darkness the sun hadn’t touched yet. They turned to Eleanore, who frowned. Her brows were furrowed tightly.

“I love you. You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you this way.” She lowered her head. Her expression softened. Scarlett came closer. They smiled reassuringly and lifted her chin.

“I assure you, I will make it.” They chuckled. Eleanore’s lips yanked into a tight smile.

“You’ll make it.” She muttered, glaring at the floor.

That was good enough, right? Scarlett’s mind was dryer than the Sahara. Not a single thought could even drag itself through their head. “We will figure something out, right?” Insisted Scarlett. They forced enthusiasm through every exhausted crack in their voice. Eleanore didn’t reply. Instead, hot flush flooded her face. Everything was quiet.

“Take a nap and clear your head.” She sighed. “I.. we’ll figure something out.”

Scarlett nodded. Eleanore left without another word. Every day before this one had all become a giant blur in Scarlett’s head. Every night was the same. Scarlett decided that maybe being a few minutes late to whatever it was they had to do today would be better than going on just thirty minutes or so of rest.

“Good morning, Scarlett!”

By now the sun was long up. Scarlett smiled at Eleanore, who stood. Light spilled down into the living room, shining down on her like she was an angel. “I’m going out this morning, Scarlett.” The brightest of smiles shone like the sun on her face. “I’ll be back this evening.”

“I hope you have a wonderful time.” Scarlett stated with delight as they ambled down the stairs.

“Thank you. Will you be busy today?”

“Uhm..” Scarlett stopped dead in their tracks. They furrowed their brows and sorted through the endless piles of dates in their mind. “Er. What was I..?”

“I think you were supposed to be having Wright over for breakfast? Also.. the garden party this afternoon.”

“Oh. Thank you very much, Eleanore.”

Eleanore nodded slowly. She clenched her jaw. “I’ll see you later then.” She sighed dismissively. “Bye for now, dear.”

“Bye for now.” Scarlett said in a murmur, still sorting through their schedules. “Was there anything else?”

“I’m busy myself.”

“No worries.”

“Just.. try to write it down?”

“I will.”

“… Okay.”

“I love you.”

“You too.”

Later.

“So you’re telling me Alice is just generally.. suspicious? Is that right?”

Scarlett gave one long nod. The leather arm chair crunched as they lolled back. “That is right.” They rested their fist against their jaw and murmured. “I believe she knows more than she lets on.” They gazed off at an old scenic portrait in the row of them. Green hills littered it. Trees were scattered in odd places. Yet somehow the shining golden frame brought the grey scenery together.

“So you’ve not said anything to Eleanore about this?” Asked Rowan with a brow raised.

“I could not heavy her burden.” Scarlett pinched their nose bridge.

“I’m always here to support you.” Rowan stated calmly. They leaned across the coffee table and pat Scarlett on the shoulder. “.. But you know her worries are valid.”

“I understand.” Scarlett dismissed. “But every other day of the week, something comes up.”

“Hey. I understand, but you’ve got to step back and breathe. If you’re constantly.. breathing in water, you’ll…. Suffocate… haha.”

Scarlett looked up. Rowan smiled halfheartedly. They nodded encouragingly. “You get it, right?” Their voice was peppered with enthusiasm. Scarlett pursed their lips.

“Uh.. I.. I am afraid I do not understand.” They gratingly murmured. The room was so tense one could cut it with a knife.

“If you can’t take a step back, you’re not going to get anywhere with this. You’ll find him. You just need to breathe.”

“Rowan, you know I am always, constantly, eternally busy.”

“I...”

Rowan sat back. The old house was as quiet as quiet could get. “I don’t think staying up as late as you do is the solution.” Rowan groaned, running a hand through their hair. “You can see it on your face.”

“I am aware of this, Rowan.”

“You’ll find him.” Rowan’s voice was conquered by frustration. “Please, just take care of yourself.”

Scarlett’s eyes wandered down to the floor. The rug stared right back at them—the eye patterns did, at least. When Scarlett’s father had first brought the thing over, it was vibrant. All the color had long drained. They couldn’t even recall how old they were. Scarlett narrowed their eyes and rested their hand on their chin.

“Scarlett. You’ve zoned out.”

Scarlett snapped back into reality. Rowan tapped their foot sporadically. They gripped the handle of their mug. “I..” They looked away.“I know you want closure, Scarlett. We all want closure. We’re all in this together. But you’re damaging yourself.”

“No worries. It is all under control.”