So when the ground gave way beneath your feet, when the air was missing, when the heart accelerated its race and then seemed only a brief sound, when the sight became blurred because the veil of fear had decided that to remove the ability to see to its host thinking that it was a funny thing, that all light, all noise was amplified, there was nothing worse than feeling so helpless, wanting to run to death, hiding somewhere anyone could find you. So, when by stepping back, you hit a wall, a barrier, your legs gave out, finding yourself on the ground. The cold sweats running profusely down the spine, followed by hot flashes that suffocated you, the jerky breathing, the huge lump in the middle of your throat that made you want to throw all your gusts out your esophagus, your heart squeezing more and more, compressing, that in the end you didn't know if you were going to succeed in getting up. The tears that wanted to flow but couldn't, yet they agglutinated in the cornes of the eyes without ever falling.
All around this body on the verge of snapping, on the verge of no longer being, no one noticed a thing. If they did, then they avoided it by walking faster and faster, or even running. But none would ever have had the courage to just kneel down and ask those few words: "Are you okay?". Because stupid as it is, it didn't take much for this nightmare to end. You just needed to take that unmoving body out into the coolness of the outside, or simply to make it talk again. Because the spirit was odd and too clever for the things that carried it. Like any chain, there was a weak link and what was weaker than a thought-controlling link that was easy to distract? You really didn't need much, that no one thought about it. And then, the fear of this rotting body made people flee, because all the thoughts said it was a lost cause, but above all that they didn't know what was going on. So instead of trying, they preferred to run away. Just like the body bruised by fear. It had tried but ended up running away too, letting fear take over everything.
You didn't need much, but so many things at the same time.
When there was no more hope, there was still some. Because it hoped. The body, the person inside was hoping for someone to come back. Through this chaos, there was a person. Not just anyone, because they had been carefully chosen. Today, they had let an open door without locking it after their departure. They had released a demon that could destroy the body. A demon that could kill it. It was too powerful, too strong for the body to kill it all on its own. Oh! it knew it was going to live with it forever, because its claws were anchored too deeply and had soiled its soul. But that didn't mean it couldn't push it away and live again. That didn't mean life was over. You needed, as with any demon living in a body, to live with the latter. Share a house, although one of the two bodies wasn't welcome. Without knowing which one was welcome and which one wasn't.
No matter what was happening right now. No matter the thoughts crossing the brain. No matter the lack of air, the pounding heart, the choking lump, the hyperventilation and being on the verge of passing out. No matter all of this, for in the depths of the mind, of the body, of the soul, a voice was calling. A voice was screaming as loud as it could. A voice called another.
It was in a miracle that hearing made heard hasty footsteps, that the eyes suddenly recovered clear vision. It was a miracle that a tiny breath of air reached the body's lungs.
"Are you the Devil?" The voice coming out of the bruised body said ironically and weakly.
A little laugh. A melody. A little song straight out of the heart. A pure and honest sound without fear or disgust. Yet a sound filled with guilt.
"You wish."
A faint smile. Just to confirm that nothing was good, but everything will be back to normal. Just a simple gesture to show that nothing was easy and that even if the phobia scared him, the fear of never seeing them again had been harder.
How long was he gone? Didn't he say he was coming back in a second? So why did everything go wrong? Sometimes there was no explanation. It came under too many things, but mostly nothing, because that was how life was, how destiny worked. But he did come back. Far too late for this body, far too soon for him.
"We have to go."
A nod did the trick. Words couldn't come out of the mouth once again. Getting up had been torture. Luckily he was there to give them support and a straight walk. Fortunately, now everything will be fine. Everything will be like before.
It didn't take long to return to the coolness of the outdoors, the cold air struck the body, like a blizzard in the mountains or a bucket of water on a fire. Nothing was won, but the heart managed to stabilize, the shivers slowed down, breathing returned.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Don't be."
No, he didn't have to be sorry. No, he shouldn't feel guilty about anything. No, he didn't have to blame himself for a mistake that wasn't his. No, he shouldn't panic now. No, he must not to let himself be consumed by this event. Never.
"I should have stayed with you. I should have taken you with me. I should have done what was necessary for you to manage to control your stress. I knew the risks and I was imprudent."
"It's me who's sorry. I should have succeeded. I should have shown you that I was able to overcome my discomfort. I should have made you see that yes I am sick, but I can control it. I should have proved to you that I was capable of it."
It was enough words, no more "I am sorry, forgive me". There was nothing more to add. However, questions tumbled out in his mind and the answers flowed into the other one. They wanted to shout from the rooftops what had just happened to them, to expose the fears of each other, to tell everything that their bodies had gone through. The sadness, the overwhelming fear at the sight of someone lost and so panicked that it took them more than twenty minutes to come to. Because the person of the bruised body thought they saw all eyes on them and stared at them, whereas as soon as he turned away from them, he did what he told them he was going to do, he came back two minutes later. But it had taken barely a second for the straight road to become a vertiginous slope. It had taken a second for them and so long for him, that they would never realize that they extinguished a part of his soul. That they had created this fear that will remain forever in his heart. That the sight of them on the floor in the middle of a crisis had changed him forver. And that today, there was no going back. They had hindered the person who would become the person. They had corrupted and destroyed him at the same time. He wasn't the Devil, even though he wanted to be, but both of them knew they were the most magnificient angel, the first fallen and the master of demons and that they didn't want to be. They were the Devil and not him. Unfortunately, it was an indestructible fact.
"You warmed me, I shoud have been careful, alright?" He stroke their cheek tenderly.
A single nod to affirm that they agreed, but they knew very well that they never would. Because it was an hellish loop and they alone had to protect him and not the other way around.
"How are you?"
"Better, but still down the hill. It's going to take some time, but I'll be fine."
"Let's go home then," he gave them a small smile.
It was going to be a long road for both of them. For him because he was going to have to think back to this day, to try to understand what had just happened and to answer to his own questions by his own. Then, for them, this person who had never wanted to make someone's life as black as their. Who didn't want to hurt anybody and yet did so with everything they did. They were going to live with a new guilt, live with this new remorse while pretending that they didn't exist. Both were going to have ordeals to overcome because of this event. However, they didn't know that they were going to bring them closer and closer, because when a pure soul became fond of a broken one, it was impossible for the pure one to shut the door. It was difficult to let go of a person that your heart, your body, your soul longed for, wanted to know, but most of all wanted to be a part of their life. Forever.
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