WARNING THE FOLLOWING MAY CONTAIN HORROR, GORE, VIOLENCE, DISTURBING THEMES. NOT INTENDED FOR YOUNG READERS. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

DREAM 01

COLD HEART

CHAPTER 01

The leaves sway in the breeze, patches of shadow shifting beneath. Where am I? Am I dreaming?

It's cold here. I'm cold. So cold.

The moonlight is silvery and ghostly. Has the moon always looked this way? Did I just never notice before? I drift above the treetops, the moon is at my back but I cast no shadow. I am everywhere and nowhere but at the same time confined. I feel I could be gone with a thought so why do I linger here?

Why is it so dark? Where am i? Am i alone? What went wrong? I'm scared. It's so dark. Darkness and cold.

Leaves blast through me. Wind? I look down and see the trees bending at some great force. The leaves are ripped off and thrown into the sky.

I wander towards the distressed trees and pass them. Now branches are being thrown. A bird pinwheels past me. I wander deeper into the chaos. I can’t stop. I’m being pulled?

I can't move. I'm trapped. So cold. I’m scared. So scared. I can't breathe.

I can see the epicenter now, an area cleared of grass. A figure stands there, arms outstretched as if awaiting an embrace. Something lies at his feet, a limp mass about half his size.

Something shoots out of the mass and races towards me. Shadowy tendrils wrap around me and yank me towards itself. Everything goes dark.

I can't see. It's dark here and i can't move. I can't float and i can't see.

See?...

I open my eyes. I see a pair of boots and legs. Someone is standing over me. The dirt is carved up with a series of complex lines as far as I can see. The grooves are filled in with some red liquid quickly drying a rusty brown. There's a nauseating smell.

The figure walks towards me. "...here..."

He pushes on my shoulder and then I'm looking up at the stars. The moon is still so ethereal and pretty. “You’re here. You’re awake.”

A shadow leans close, blocking the light. He backs off a bit and his figure slowly becomes clear. It's a young man with dark eyes and a pale, broad forehead. “I’m so glad. I knew you would. Wake up, I mean. I knew you wouldn’t leave me. You’ll never leave me.” My hearing is strange. It’s as if we are underwater. I’m so cold. So cold.

I remember his face. Allan. My childhood friend. How nice to see him again. Allan. The moonlight highlights his straight nose, his brow, his cheeks. But his eyes remain dark.

"C-Cold." It's a female voice so weak it almost sounds like a child. Is that my voice?

"Then let’s go inside." He has a beautiful smile. I feel his hands under my arms. He lifts me up. What a strange way of holding a person.

"Allan? I can’t feel my legs."

“Don’t worry about it. You’re fine. You will be fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m so happy we’re together again. I won’t let anything tear us apart.”

*   *   *

He brings me inside some place I know only by the ceiling I am always staring up at and the feeling of the bed beneath me. I don’t know how much time passes or when one day turns to the next. I can only see the ceiling and his face leaning over me. He always seems to be with me.

“Why can’t I sit up?”

“You’re just a little bit hurt is all. Don’t worry about it.”

I’m not so sure about that. No matter how many blankets he piles on top of me, I am always cold. It’s a tingling, cold numbness. I can move my head and arms but not much else. “Am I dying?”

He laughs. "It’s not that bad.”

“Shouldn’t you call a doctor?”

“You’re fine. It’s not bad. You worry too much.” He leans down and kisses me.

“You know you shouldn’t do that. I’m even engaged now.”

“But I love you more than anyone else in the world. You’re everything to me.”

“You are important to me too. As a friend. I hope we can continue to be friends even after I marry. Where is Edgar? I haven’t seen him all this time.”

“He won’t see you.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t he worried? Doesn’t he know I’m hurt?”

"DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM! We’re together now. Let’s not talk about that. Let’s only talk about happy things."

Allan is smiling again but it looks a little tense.

“You don’t mean… He’s breaking off our engagement?”

“I’m sure he will.”

“But why? He hasn’t spoken to me about it? Why all on his own?” Tears blur my vision.

“Don’t think about him. I’m here. I’ll always stay with you no matter what.”

I won’t believe it. I won’t believe Edgar doesn’t care for me anymore. Allan must have misunderstood. He’s always misunderstanding things. I’ll ask Edgar myself when I get the chance.

*   *   *

I start to remember in fragments. First I remember about Allan.

We are children. We are running in the autumn leaves, kicking them up so that the wind catches them. Everywhere leaves are spinning. We are laughing. What are we laughing about? The leaves are spinning.

We where always together almost as long as I can remember. Since long before I ever knew Edgar.

We are older now. We are sitting together on the rocks overlooking the lake.

"Edgar proposed!"

"Really?"

“Yes! I wanted you to be the first to know. I haven’t even told mama and papa yet.” I show him the ring on my finger.

Orange light flashes on the surface of the lake. There is a shadow on his face. I cannot see his eyes. What expression did he make back then? Distracted by the cute sparkle on my finger and the excitement in my heart, I don’t remember much else.

*   *   *

A chance came sooner than I could have hoped.

One day Allan isn’t there when I wake up. I call to him but receive no response. I strain to hear any little sounds, any proof of life outside my own. There are no voices, no footsteps. I don’t hear any breathing outside my own.

“Allan? Are you there?”

I wait and listen. Silence. I’m alone. Where did he go? No, it was stranger for him to be with me all the time. Even my parents don’t cling so much when I’m sick. Though I haven’t seen them either.

This is my chance. He’s always telling me to lie still, so now is my chance. Even if I have to crawl outside, I will see my parents and Edgar. I will ask why they haven’t been to see me. There must be some reason.  

I throw off the blankets and I notice something strange. Space where there shouldn't be space.

I can't move for a moment. My face feels hot and cold at the same time. It's like something is constricting my chest.

I breathe slowly and push myself up with my hands.

I can't lift myself very high. I crane my neck to see myself. But there's nothing. There's nothing. My blouse is bloody where the hem is torn. I end about the stomach. A nub of spine continues a little past and then there's nothing.

I collapse back onto the bed, shaking. That’s not possible. That’s not possible. I’d be dead. I rub my face with my hands. I must be dreaming again. What an awful dream. I’ll tell Allan about it when I wake up. He’s next to me the same as always. I should have realized this was a dream when I noticed he isn’t here.

My pulse should have been pounding in my ears. I realize I cannot hear it. I press my hands to my chest. I do not feel my heartbeat. What a detailed dream.

I laugh aloud. The tears fall sideways into my ears.