One Day To Halloween
I |
haven’t seen Salem since that day, and it is driving me insane. No matter what I do or how I try to communicate with him, it is like he is out of my reach. At times, it makes me wonder if I had somehow imagined everything that had happened.
If that were the case though, Justin wouldn’t be asking me about Salem. I had to make some kind of lame excuse that he had to go see his parents for a few days, but I could quickly tell that Justin wasn’t totally believing it anymore.
I guess I can’t really blame him.
Sitting in the middle of the bed, I fiddle with my fingers, looking around the room. I thought he would come to me in my dreams like he used to, but it is like he dropped off the face of the Earth. It makes my heart hurt to even think that he might not be in this world anymore. That for whatever reason, he decided to move on.
I know I should be happy for him if that is the case, but it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. One I don’t even want to think about.
“Salem, where are you?” I call out softly, wishing he would show me some kind of sign that he is here with me, “did you really leave me here after everything? I must say, that was a little selfish if you did.”
God, I am pathetic.
Knock! Knock!
I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear a knock on my bedroom door. My heart is racing in my chest, wondering to myself if it is Salem at the door, trying to communicate with me.
“Alex, are you in here?”
My hopes are quickly squashed.
“Come in, Justin.” I call out, irritated.
The door opens and Justin walks in, nervously looking around like he is expecting something or someone to jump out at him. I settle myself back in my bed, watching him curiously.
“Is everything okay?” I ask him, wondering what could be his problem.
He has barely spoken to me since meeting Salem, I’m not sure what his problem could be. Any time that he would talk to me, it would be about Salem. I never was sure what to say to him so I ended up fibbing a little bit.
“I have a feeling that you are hiding something from me.” Justin explains to me as he sits down on the bed beside me, a soft expression on his face, “I’m not sure what it is about but I can help you if you just let me. Help me to understand what is going on.”
I know that I can talk to him about this stuff, but I felt nervous for even wanting to, “I want to talk to you about it, but I don’t think that you’ll believing me. I wouldn’t even believe me if that were the case, Justin. Honestly, I know how crazy it sounds and I’m not even sure if I just imagined it all.”
Justin’s expression went extremely dark, eyes narrowing, “did that guy hurt you, Alex? Is that why I haven’t seen him around? It felt fishy to me that you hadn’t admitted to me that you were seeing someone.”
“He didn’t hurt me.” I am quick to defend Salem, not noticing the grimace he made, “it’s just a… it’s just a lot going on and I’m not sure how to even say it.”
“Just tell me because I am confused out of my mind!” Justin snaps, causing me to flinch slightly.
Justin rarely raises his voice at me, and when he does, it is like a slap to the face. I know he doesn’t mean to do that to me, already seeing the guilt appearing in his eyes, but it is kind of like a wake-up call. I have kept all my emotions inside, unable to let them go, and what has it done for me?
It has made me miserable.
I need to vent.
I need to tell him what’s going on. Even if that ends up making me sound like a nutcase.
“Salem is dead.” I blurt out before I could even process what I am telling him.
Justin freezes, eyes wide, “what? What do you mean he is dead? What happened?”
I end up telling Justin everything, just laying it out there for him to scrutinize. I wasn’t sure if he is going to believe me, seeing the blank expression on his face as I tell him what has happened, but it still makes my heart race.
Maybe I am crazy.
As I finally finish my story, Justin just sits there in silence, taking in everything that I have told him. I practically hold my breath, wondering how he is going to react.
“Un-fucking-believable.” He curses, jumping to his feet, “you’re not fucking with me, are you? You sound dead serious.”
“I am.” I admit.
Justin drags a hand across his face, looking absolutely miserable, “I have loved you for years, Alex, YEARS. I never wanted to push the boundary because I was afraid of losing you, but now I realize I should have been more pushy about my feelings for you. You honestly believe that you’re in love with a dead guy? Someone who doesn’t really exist?”
“He does exist though!” I protest, feeling my heart thumping steadily in my chest, “it’s just… complicated. You have to believe me, Justin.”
Justin studies me carefully, a slight frown on his face. I thought that he would just call me crazy and tell me to stop being a fool, but he ends up sighing and shakes his head.
“Okay, say I believe you.” Justin mumbles, scratching the back of his neck, “where is Salem then? Where did he go after he… disappeared?”
“I don’t know.” I admit, pursing my lips together in frustration, “I wish that I did though. Nothing has made sense since he disappeared, or why I can’t get a hold of him. A part of me is scared that something has happened to him and I just don’t know it yet.”
“I see.” Was all Justin could say.
I sigh, knowing I am pushing Justin’s limits, “listen, I don’t care if you believe me or not. I am your best friend, and I’m not going to lie to you about something like this. Not when it is bothering me like this.”
Justin sits back down and to my surprise, gently cups my cheek. I freeze, unsure of how to handle this as he smiles at me sadly.
“Maybe he’s gone for a reason.” Justin murmurs, finally letting me go, “there’s no point in dwelling on it. Maybe it is for the best that he’s no longer here.”
Before I could say anything, Justin rises to his feet and walks out of my room. I’m left there dumbfounded, unsure of how to react to this, but all I can think about is Salem.
I lay back down, tears welling in the corner of my eyes.
I miss you.
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