Sugita

“This has been the second most confusing day of my life,” Handa rasped, from where he sat, back against the alley wall. He didn’t want to sit close to the body, so he’d gotten up to shamble a little ways up the alley before sinking down again.

“What was the first?”

I kept one eye on the corpse. Even though I’d blown a hole through the bridge of its nose, I still had no idea what kind of yokai it was. I didn’t dare risk walking away from it entirely, in case it was playing dead.

Down the alley, a curious crowd lingered. I doubted any of them had recognized the sound of gunfire, but they must have noticed something strange on our end. If any of them got too close, I’d have no choice but to leave Hideki with the body and intercept. I didn’t need random patrol officers showing up to a scene like this.

Fuck all this classified information.

“Oh.” My partner took a tremendous drag off his cigarette. “I’ve had a lot of very confusing days. I’m just assuming there’s been one worse than this. Because, you know. Optimism.”

I had to keep my mouth shut hard so I wouldn’t blurt out anything about my wedding day. That day had been confusing for me, at least. Everything had happened so fast, sometimes it felt like one second he was puking in the gutter outside my bachelor party and crying about how much pain he was in, and the next, he was laughing and joking his way through the best man’s toast.

Now, he’d almost died, and I couldn’t help wishing he’d say something meaningful to me. Even if I couldn’t get him to admit he remembered what he’d done at my bachelor party, I wished we could talk about it while we were both sober.

“Chief will explain everything,” I said, absently.

Handa used the butt of his cigarette to light a new one. He’d been chain-smoking for the past fifteen minutes, and the scent of tobacco was tantalizing, especially given my stress level, but I couldn’t let my guard down until I knew we were safe.

“Why don’t we call someone other than the chief?” he wondered. “We’ve got a stiff on our hands, and a crowd is gathering. Not to mention that horror scene back in the basement. We should have a whole team over here by now, Sugita.”

At his tight tone, I took one eye off the corpse to watch him smoke a moment and noticed his hand shaking. He wasn’t easily rattled, so it could be due to blood loss. Closing the gashes didn’t change the fact that he’d experienced a severe, physical trauma, to say nothing of the psychological toll.

“You sure you’re okay?”

Tiredly, he nodded.

Hard to trust that. Handa hid everything beyond his basic discomforts, from physical pain to emotional instability, constantly perpetuating the façade of a macho, unshakable man’s man. Most of the time, he really was okay, but every now and then, if I let myself slip into his illusion that he was emotionless, he’d suddenly lose his composure. I’d found no sure method to anticipate it.

That was his problem, not mine. If he said he was okay, what else could I believe?

As soon as I’d had the thought, I felt bombarded by guilt. For better or for worse, I felt connected to my partner.

Ever since I was a kid, I’d been a protective person. That was part of what had made me want to become a cop. I’d always felt at least a little protective of Hideki, but it wasn’t until I’d come across his gay porn that this overly defensive side of me had clicked on. It might just be because I knew there were people out there in the world who’d hate him for it, or it could have to do with the way he stayed in the closet like his life depended on it. He’d admitted enough about his family for me to conclude that he’d endured some pretty serious abuse, and I’d gotten it into my head that as long as I was around, nobody would ever get away with that shit again.

Handa didn’t seem to get it, and I didn’t blame him. He was a tough guy, street-wise and confident with a strong streak of independence. He loved muscle cars and heavy metal, and he was always going through a dramatic relationship with some beautiful woman or another. He loved going out to party, and I’d never seen him back down from a fist fight. For years, I’d silenced my concerns, reminded myself I had a tendency to worry too much, and kept my mouth shut.

Discovering his closeted side had opened my eyes to his vulnerabilities and to the fact that past his unbreakable walls, the soft side I hadn’t known existed suffered in silence, and while I respected his ability to endure, I couldn’t help wanting to be there for him. After all, Handa acted as if there wasn’t anyone on Earth he could be real with.

He deserved better than that, especially since I was more than willing to hear him out, back him up, and let him be himself, but anymore, with the personal problems between us, I wondered if he’d rather I ignored him. I even wondered if my involvement might cause him more trouble. Confuse him. Tempt him. Harm him.

“Are you just sitting there worrying yourself to death about me?” Handa broke into my thoughts, and I realized I’d been staring awkwardly at him for a long time.

“Of course not,” I snorted, finally giving in and lighting a cigarette of my own.

“Good. Because I’m fine.”

“You sure are tough.” I sighed, deeply, and even though I knew this wasn’t the time, I couldn’t help saying, “Look. You can be honest with me, if you want.”

As if I’d never said such a thing before—as if I hadn’t said that exact thing a million times in the last five years—his brow arched. “What is there to say?”

“Oh, you know. If it hurts. If it’s scary. If it worries you what other people think.”

Immediately, his eyes narrowed. “Don’t get started on this right now, Sugita.”

“Look.” I lifted my hands to show him I wasn’t trying to start anything. “I get that you keep your mouth shut because you think I can’t help, but I know I can’t help if you won’t talk to me. Sometimes I think you might not understand that.”

“Well.” He blew a light cloud of smoke toward the sky. “This is really not the time to talk about any of that.”

“Are we ever going to talk about any of it? That night on the Rainbow Bridge—”

“Sugita.” He rose suddenly and swayed, so I jumped up too, in case I had to catch him, but he merely leaned against my shoulder. “Forget about the Rainbow Bridge, okay? I’m fine. I was just talking out my ass.”

“When you stood up on that railing,” I said, softly, “that wasn’t an act.”

He studied me, thoughtfully, probably trying to think of a way to convince me that moment hadn’t been as serious as it had looked, but that was one event he couldn’t coolly lie his way out of. I’d be pissed if he even tried it. “No,” he agreed, finally. “It wasn’t. But you talked me down, and I don’t feel that way anymore.”

“So,” I asked, carefully, “did you go get help?”

Handa clicked his tongue, as if that was just the most ridiculous question I could have asked. “I didn’t need to. I’m totally fine—you’re the one who won’t let it go.”

“That isn’t the kind of thing most people would just forget.”

“Yeah, I know. I scared you. But you shouldn’t let that interfere with work, and, right now, the chief is here.”

In order to escape an uncomfortable topic, I’d seen my partner do everything from play sick to outright run away, but his lying tended to be artful enough that he’d never resort to something cheap like shock value, and as I gradually turned to the mouth of the alley, I wasn’t surprised to see the silhouette of a man striding toward us.

At first glance, he looked like your typical businessman, middle-aged with an average build, but his gait carried a weight of authority to it, a mix of careful alertness in the way he glanced around, and absolute confidence in his nonchalant pace. Nobody would pick him out as a police chief, but seeing him lifted a burden off my shoulders and filled me with relief. He’d take it from here, I could get Handa to a doctor, and we’d go back to our normal lives. No more supernatural work for us.

“Chief.”

Handa stepped away from me, and we both bowed.

Chief Kobayashi stopped alongside me, adjusting his glasses, and I got a glimpse of the sharp eyes beyond their glint.

To spite the rain, every piece of his slicked back hair stayed in place, and I saw no sign that he’d hurried to us at all, but he said, “I came as quickly as I could. What is the situation exactly?”

Having Handa listening at my elbow hadn’t allowed me much of an opportunity to explain anything on the phone, but I’d hoped the chief would take over without needing many specifics. I chanced a glance at my partner, finding him already staring at me in an analytical way.

All the drama surrounding the possibility of my transferring partners suddenly felt so ridiculous to me. Of course, I would never want a different guy at my side. On top of his notable social skills, Handa was intuitive and highly intelligent. A peerless investigator. Keeping secrets from him wasn’t that easy, and at this point, I wasn’t sure I should even bother trying.

If I’d received a formal briefing on the yokai situation in Tokyo, I might know some code words to use in order to conceal the reality of what had happened in this alley. The chief must know I didn’t.

“The body is right over here,” I told him, finally, and clipped back to it. He’d recognize it for what it was.

“I see.” Chief Kobayashi knelt down to inspect the corpse, careful not to touch it, and I heard him murmuring to himself. “Let’s see… Young, of course. That’s lucky.”

Handa shifted beside me, impatiently.

“Who shot him?”

“Me, Sir. He jumped on Handa. I didn’t have a choice.”

“I see,” he repeated, and stood up again, pausing to straighten his slacks before facing my partner. “Are you all right, Son?”

I listened carefully as Handa answered, but he’d never show the slightest hint of weakness to the chief. Accordingly, he adapted his most unbothered tone. “Yes, Sir. He caught me off guard, that’s all.”

Chief nodded, thoughtfully. He leaned over the corpse a while longer before straightening up again. “I apologize you got mixed up in this, Handa-kun. Sometimes, I’m afraid, even I make mistakes.”

Handa shifted his weight from one hip to the other as he tried to decide what to make of that. “I suppose not every case can be easy, Sir.”

Chief returned his look with equal scrutiny before meeting my gaze. “You didn’t tell him.”

“I didn’t think I should,” I admitted.

Handa emitted a quiet sigh. He was getting frustrated.

“No,” Chief agreed, softly. “But nonetheless… Excuse me, Handa-kun.” Abruptly but lightly, he caught onto Handa’s shoulder and stared at his neck, where remnants of blood were smeared and faint teeth marks stood out on his healthy skin. Chief’s eyebrows shot up. Lowly, he asked, “Did he get bit?”

“Yes, Sir, but I healed it. I think he’ll be okay. I’d like to take him to a doctor, just to be safe.” Chief could direct us to one who’d understand the situation.

“Oh,” he groaned, and dragged a hand along his sleek hair. “The situation is worse than I thought.” Jerkily, he gestured to the corpse. “This is a kyuuketsuki.”

My heart skipped a beat.

“Kyuuketsuki?” Handa echoed, looking to me for confirmation.

Such horror swallowed me, I couldn’t return his gaze. Of all the yokai types for us to run into, a kyuuketsuki was close to the worst possible option.

I should have known. I should have recognized the signs. I shouldn’t have tried to pursue the creature at all. I should have listened to Naito. I should have—

“I don’t understand,” Handa said, frustration beginning to filter through his tone.

Feeling dizzy, I swallowed hard. “Are you sure, Chief?” Chief knew his stuff. I just couldn’t believe I’d let my partner get bit by a kyuuketsuki.

Grimly, Chief assured me, “There’s no mistaking it.”

“What are you talking about?” Handa’s voice hitched with alarm. “You can’t actually mean kyuuketsuki. He was just some drugged-up punk, right? Some psycho.”

“Handa-kun.” Chief laid a hand on his shoulder, soothingly. “It’s imperative that you stay calm right now.”

Handa rubbed his neck. “I’m calm. I just want to know what any of this means.”

“Of course. As soon as the clean-up crew arrives, the three of us will go somewhere private to talk things over.”

From the way Handa frowned, I gathered he wasn’t at all satisfied with that, and I thought he might try to persuade the chief to give him his way, but he simply stared down at the corpse again. “I don’t care that much,” he announced, at last. “As long as it’s over, I’d just as soon go home.”

“I’m very sorry, Handa-kun. I can’t let you go home in this state.”

Handa turned on him, mouth falling open. “What state? I’m completely fine.” He looked at me. “You said I was fine, right?”

Stupid me. I had thought he was fine. I hadn’t realized he’d gotten bit by a kyuuketsuki.

I should have. Anything else would have tried to tear him apart or eat him outright. The way it had all but torn his throat out spoke to the type of evil we’d encountered. I was naive.

“You’ll understand soon,” Chief told him, in a fatherly voice. “Please be patient for now.”