Chapter 8

“You want to go through all your memories to see what you remember of this story, and therefore whether it will be useful?” The Life spirit asks, and I can hear the confusion in its voice. Nodding, I try to clarify the point of this. “If this world really is trying to follow the plot of the book, then we could learn some useful things. The protagonist of that book is Agnaria, I think - but I don’t know! I never read the book and I didn’t exactly pay much attention when Rachel gushed about a story she was reading!”

“If you only know about the story through this Rachel person, then that would make it easier, surely?” Death points out. “Otherwise you would have to go through 26 years worth of memories, whereas if Life and I work together, we should be able to filter the memories into ones of ‘Rachel’.”

“That…would save a lot of time,” I nod, glad to see that Death seems on-board with my idea. Life is silent for a moment, before sighing. “Are you sure this is a good idea, little one? I saw your memories when transferring your soul into this world, so I know that you spoke with Rachel just moments before dying. Most likely, you wouldn’t be able to avoid reliving that as well.”

That had occurred to me. “I know. But I already have nightmares about it, so it’s basically the same thing. I’ll be fine,” I say confidently. I doubt I’ll be ‘fine’ but it’s my best option currently. If Fate really is trying to force this world back onto the path that the story follows, then we need to know what that path is. I don’t want to die again, at least not anytime soon, so I want to do this.

It’ll be worth it.

“Alright, sounds like we have a plan in that case,” Death observes, but Life still isn’t so sure. “It’s possible that you could get stuck in your memories, little one. Your body would essentially be in a coma for the duration of the memories - I can give them to you all at once, so in mortal time it would be no longer than a day, but if you are not able to reemerge from the memories, then…you may never wake up.”

Before I can speak, the Lord beats me to it. “Can you link my consciousness into the memories too? So that I can pull Vic out if he isn’t able to wake up?” 

I’m too shocked to say anything, instead letting Life reply. “Possibly. It would be tricky - I’ve never done anything like it before. You think that you would be able to remind my little one that everything is just memories, and not really happening?”

The Lord shrugs, leaning against the wall relaxedly. “Worth a try, surely. If he gets stuck in the memory and lands in a coma then we’ll never know if this book theory has any truth to it. And I happen to be rather curious about this particular idea. Especially if it can help me get revenge against the royal family.”

“You seriously want to look through years of memories? I knew Rachel for about seven or eight years, and she was constantly talking about this book, since she reread it frequently. If we’re looking at all memories of Rachel, there will be a lot,” I point out, knowing how enthusiastic my best friend would get about this story.

The Lord just tilts his head to one side, looking indifferent. “Sure, why not. I’m curious about what kind of world you came from anyway, since I never knew that there were other worlds out there anyway.”

Sighing, I give in. I don’t really want him snooping through my memories, but it would be helpful if anything about the book gets mentioned, since then it’s not just up to me to consolidate all the information.

“It’s decided then. Death and I will combine our power to send you both into my little one’s memories. When do you want to do this?” Life asks, and I look to the Lord for guidance. I’ll be free whenever, but he probably has some kind of responsibility to this place.

“Let’s do it now. Might as well get it over and done with, right?” 

This man is so odd.

Death lets out a hearty laugh, pride in its voice. “That’s my Ven. Always taking a challenge head on.”

So his name is Ven? Referring to him as ‘the Lord’ was starting to get old.

“As you wish. You will want to lie down, little ones. Both of you. I suspect that this will take around 24 hours but I cannot be sure, since it’s the first time I have attempted such a feat. Bear with me for a moment,” Life instructs us. Carefully lying back down, I let out a tiny wince of pain as my latest wound tinges. Looking to my right abruptly, I stare at Ven as he lies down next to me.

“Why are you here? I’m not sure we know each other well enough to share a bed just yet, sir,” I point out jokingly, but the Lord just rolls his eyes, gesturing to the room. “Well I don’t see a bed elsewhere, do you? Just budge over, you’re hogging all the space.”

“I’m the patient! You move over,” I hiss back, glaring at the man. He just ignores me, getting comfortable instead. 

“You’re about to be unconscious, little one. Do not worry about it,” Life says softly, and sure enough, I feel my eyes start to close with tiredness. The spirits are sending us to sleep; it must be easier to reach my memories this way.

It’s strange, waking up and being back in my own body again. I can’t say anything, can’t do anything that didn’t happen when the memory is from - all I can do is watch and listen. The memories seem to be in a jumbled order, and I go from celebrating Rachel’s birthday to her talking about her girlfriend, to meeting her for the first time. I can sense a presence behind me, but unable to look around, I have to just assume that the presence is Ven, and ignore him, instead focusing on the memories.

“Vickie! Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Rachel cries, wrapping her arms around me as I cry into her shoulder. I remember this happening; it was only a few months before I died. I’d just discovered that Jack had been cheating on me.

“He’s a piece of shit, you’ve done nothing wrong, you hear me? You have been amazing and I love you so much, yeah?” She tells me firmly. Katie, her girlfriend, joins us, gently stroking my back and offering me support. 

I miss them so much.

The memory whizzes past and suddenly Rachel is standing with me at my dad’s funeral. He was sick with cancer, and had been in the hospital for years, before he finally succumbed to his illness. Rachel holds my hand comfortingly, while my mother glares at me when I cry. “Stop that awful racket, Victoria. It’s annoying.”

The memory skips again, and finally it’s a useful one. “So basically the villain tries to kill the king but Agnaria doesn’t want her dad to die, so she gets in the way, and in the end Lyon kills the villain…I feel kind of bad for him though, since he just wanted revenge for the king being so evil,” Rachel tells me, and I feel the presence behind me move to my side. Ven stares at Rachel curiously, like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing.

“Why does he want revenge then?” My past self asks, and Rachel shrugs. “I don’t fully know - the author didn’t really explain it all that well. We get like a bunch of hints but it’s all very subtle. From what I understand though, the villain actually used to work for the king.”

“No, stop talking,” Ven clenches his fists, reaching towards Rachel but his hand goes right through her. This is just a memory.

“I think that the villain saw the king as a father figure, but then the king was just using him the whole time? And eventually sent the villain to the battlefield to die, basically. He then got possessed by a demon or something, and managed to survive. He returned as a war hero and became a lord and got his own territory - which is where Lyon goes when he gets poisoned, to get an antidote, and the villain tries to kill him but Lyon gets away with the antidote anyway,” Rachel keeps talking, and it begins to click into place for me. 

Ven was betrayed too.

He was supposed to die, but the spirit of Death saved him - which must have ruined Fate’s plans. Fate wanted him to die, just like it wants to get rid of me now.

“I would feel bad for the villain, but he becomes so mean and evil, so I don’t feel all that bad, when he eventually dies. It just sucks that the king managed to kill him in the end,” Rachel finishes. Ven looks beyond angry as he grits his teeth, shaking his head.

“If this is true…there’s no way in hell I’m letting that bastard kill me. If this is Fate’s plan for me, then fuck that. We’ll just have to make our own paths. So how about it, Prince of Life? Will you help me?” He asks, turning to look at my past self. But I can’t look at him properly; can’t do anything. 

In these memories, I’m helpless.