Chapter 15 

-Tevic-

Shivering slightly, I sit up and rub my eyes, pulling the woollen thing more closely around my shoulders. When did I fall asleep outside? I came out here to think, because I felt like shit, but I hadn’t meant to fall asleep. It’s a good thing I had this cardigan or I would be a lot colder right now. Frowning slightly, I pull my hair backwards and tie it up again, not sure how it came undone.

Actually, I have no idea where this cardigan came from either. Putting my arms through the sleeves, I notice that despite it being the right length on the arms, it’s significantly too wide on me.

Must belong to Ven then. We’re similar heights, but since he’s a fighter and I’ve been wasting away in a single room for the past six years, our builds are entirely different.

Letting out a long sigh, I stare up at the moon as it peeks through the clouds. I need to get a grip on my own mind; I’ve come this far, I can’t let myself crumble over one set-back. I need to be patient and give Lisette plenty of space.

It will be alright.

I’ll be alright.

—————

Lisette and I stay away from each other for a few days, with me predominantly holed up in my room. I want to let her being in control of this; if and when she wants to talk, she can come to me, rather than me seeking her out and upsetting her further.

It starts to get boring, just sitting in my room waiting and not really interacting with anyone other than exchanging a few words with Ven when he comes to check on me. It’s sweet that he does that, but recently he’s been more busy anyway, since he does have a lot of responsibility and people he must attend to. I still haven’t been into the town yet, but maybe I’ll go there eventually.

Thankfully though, I picked up a few hobbies during those six years that Agnaria had me imprisoned. I used to love playing the piano, and Agnaria would occasionally let me out to other rooms so that I could play for her. Ven doesn’t have a piano though so that’s not an option here, but I can still draw, and when the Lord catches on about my artistic tendencies, he starts to bring me extra paper and assorted art supplies so that I don’t run out.

What I appreciate the most about Ven is how silently generous he is. He’s so nonchalant and subtle about his acts of generosity that I don’t even realise how sweet he’s being until some time after, like when he gave me his cardigan.

It’s helpful for me that Ven is being so relaxed about this all. I mean I appeared out of nowhere, bleeding on his doorstep, with world-breaking theories about this world. And Ven has just accepted me and been so kind with me.

I don’t really understand it. I know that it’s not that he trusts me by now or anything; I know that neither he or I really trusts at all. It’s also becoming harder and harder to believe all the rumours about him, whilst I’m safely inside his cosy home with the pretty rock garden out the back. 

But at the same time, I know that they aren’t really rumours; at least not all of them. I know that right after Ven was betrayed, he was in a very dark place and as a result did some awful things. We haven’t spoken about it, but I get it. I understand him well, actually. And we barely even know each other.

Would I like to know him more? 

Yes, I think I would.

It’s not like I have any reason not to know him; I already live in his house, he’s already seen inside my memories, I already know some about how he was betrayed. I have been deliberately avoiding getting to know him in case I start wanting to trust him. I don’t trust easily, but if I want to trust someone? That’s a problem. It’s just too risky and I need to be careful.

I will never let myself be hurt by someone I trust, ever again. 

I simply won’t let that happen.

—————

For an entire month, Lisette and I don’t talk to each other. I barely even see her, just getting the occasional glimpse of the young woman and that’s it. I speak with Tavatta fairly regularly though; about how Lisette is, about how I am, about how things are going for Tavatta. And about gender things. I want to be sure that I know how I feel before saying anything to anyone else. Not that I really have anyone to tell, anyway, since Lisette isn’t speaking to me and Tavatta already knows.

So it would just be Ven, and Tavatta has assured me that he will be respectful and understanding. I’m not too worried about how he would react, since I do get somewhat of a free pass with the whole ‘confusing gender stuff’ considering how I’ve literally lived half my life as a biological woman and the past decade as a biological man. 

It’s confusing, but starting to make more sense for me.

So a whole month passes, and then Tavatta lets me know that Lisette is ready to talk to me. “I don’t know when it will be, but she’s going to come speak with you soon,” they let me know excitedly, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder. “Just be honest and explain your side of things. She wants to know the real you, Tevic. You’re still her family.”

Letting out a long, slightly shaky sigh, I smile. “Yes, I- I’ll answer any questions she has. No matter what they are.”

Tavatta releases my shoulder, shrugging slightly. “I’m sure she will appreciate that, but remember that you don’t owe her any answers. Not about certain things. For example, I know that she’s curious about your past life. You don’t have to tell her anything that makes you uncomfortable to talk about,” Tavatta assures me.

Their words help to relax me some; I’m fully prepared to answer any questions that Lisette may have, but it’s nice to know that I’m not entitled to answer. Although I still will, because I do feel like I owe her.

“Thank you, Tavatta. I really appreciate you,” I say genuinely. Their friendship has been invaluable and I get on so well with them, despite our…unconventional first meeting.

“Well, I’m going to leave you be now; it’s late so Lisette won’t come round tonight. But most likely tomorrow, or perhaps the day after. But I’ll let you know if she gives me any hints,” they say with a wink before shutting my door carefully.

Sitting silently for a few moments, I get a rather random urge to update Ven about this. He always says hello to me once he arrives home, so I know that he finished doing…whatever it is he does, and he’ll either be in his office or his bedroom now. Since the house is so small, it only consists of two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen/dining area and a tiny side room that I think is technically a cupboard, but Ven somehow managed to cram a desk in there and apparently it does the trick just fine.

It was odd, at first, living in a small, cosy house after living in Hector’s family home, which was something between a castle and a mansion, and then living in Agnaria’s castle. But I much prefer it like this; it feels more natural for me, and I like that although Ven is a lord, he isn’t, well…lording it over his people, and instead is living in comfort, yes, but without being excessive. 

I like living in this cottage with a fire in the kitchen and little wooden shutters and window boxes with some tentatively kept-alive flowers living in - they’re weeds, really, but they’re pretty nonetheless. 

I just…I find myself feeling surprisingly comfortable here. And I keep swinging between enjoying that, and finding it terrifying. Like I’m always half on edge, and can never just fully relax and have a nice time.

But I have time. 

Ven and I are waiting for the ‘story’ to get back on plot a little, essentially - with regards to Lyon and Agnaria, since with Lisette and I alive we’ll be causing enough deviation to weaken Fate slightly so we don’t need Agnaria doing her own little thing as well. Fate should leave us alone here, according to the spirits; Fate wouldn’t want to pick a fight with both Death and Life at once, so we’ve been able to buy ourselves some time.

Time to wait and watch, and time to plan.

And just maybe, time to relax a little too.