In my seat, I try hard not to let my nervous self show. My right middle finger taps against my coffee as I hold it with both hands. Trying hard to keep my breath calm when Matt sits down in front of me, he gives a warm smile as he does.

"Hey, you look beautiful today."

His remark makes me blush and I look at the outfit picked out specifically for today as the image briefly leaves my mind and needs a reminder.

I'm wearing a small pink and yellow printed floral dull green sundress with a fitted button top and flowy skirt that hangs just above my knees. Not one to enjoy wearing spaghetti straps, I wore a light pink mid-sleeve blouse underneath that is similar in color to some of the flowers. My shoes are strappy ash grey ankle boots. I accompanied the outfit with silver jewelry; three simple clear gem studs going up my right cartilage, a couple of matching studs pairing on each ear on my lobe with the bottom third pricings having silver vintage styled dangling earrings with amethysts in each. A thin black braided leather choker paired with my silver cross with gold ivy growing on it that was given to me by my grandmother, and a few rings on both my hands. My favorite being the dragonfly resting midway up the same finger that's having a hard time not tapping.

I take a deep breath before looking back up at him and try my best to engage. I keep my coffee in my hands so they have something to hold onto.

"Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself."

My remark is a bad attempt at flirting.

Why was it so much easier with Kalston? Was it because that was at home, and with him, I was just either getting information or had no intention of the flirting leading anywhere more than just light teasing?

Matt looks dashing in his current attire. A little casual, but also that of which you can tell he had the intention of trying to look nice. His outfit of choice is a black and purple printed, I assume a band, t-shirt with an unbuttoned jean vest over it. He also is wearing a long chain necklace with a few charms hanging at the bottom. And, his medium brown hair is swooped to his left, showing off his hazel eyes and freckled face in the best way. His eyes are friendly and help to calm me some, while my thoughts do so the rest of the way.

He's the same guy you've been talking to over the phone. You know he's a good guy, and have no reason to worry.

'You're in public with prying eyes anyway, so there's not much he can do to harm you.'

'Look at it this way, If you screw up, you can always get up and go home with no intention of ever seeing him again.'

The last thought is the one to do the trick. Screwing things up with him won’t lead to any bad repercussions compared to what they could be. No awkward interactions at work, he doesn't go anywhere, but here apparently, that I go as well. So, what is the harm in getting to know him in a face-to-face kind of interaction?

"Thank you, I think."

His words bring me out of my head as he laughs lightly about my returned compliment. It's a sweet laugh. One I wouldn't mind listening to again.

With one more deep breath, I'm able to get my bearings completely and gain the upper hand over my nervous self. I’m settled, at least visibly. Inside I still don't know what to make of this situation.

I decided to spark up a conversation based on something I remember him texting me the day before.

"You said you weren't originally from here, where did you live prior?"

“Florida, with my aunt. She took me in when I was seven. It was nice there, but being a photographer, I needed new inspiration. What about you? Are you originally from here?"

Backing his answer with a request about my history, I enjoy the friendliness of the exchange.

'See, he's just like how he was over text. This won't be so hard after all.'

Finally putting my coffee down, I grow more comfortable with each passing moment. I even begin to share things I don't with most.

“I've lived here since my adoption.”

Besides family, Bailey is the only other person that knows I was adopted. His lighthearted self shifts for a brief moment as he asks his next question.

“Adopted. Huh. Looks like we have something in common then."

He smiles faintly for a brief moment before furthering the conversation. The topic we are bonding over is not something one would imagine getting into on the first hangout. At least not something I had imagined.

"My parents died in a car crash, what about yours?”

His question makes me think. It brings me out of my current thoughts and into those buried deeper. Thinking back, the earliest thing I can remember is my adoption.

A woman stands in front of me with long dark wavy locks and sad eyes. Wanting to hug her, something about the presence she holds feels warm and home to me. Turning around I see the woman I will be soon calling mom. Red hair, long and curly, she holds a hand out to me.

Hesitant, I’m not sure what to do. My attention is brought back to the woman who feels safe as I begin my way to her. This action seems to cause her more pain, and I feel bad.

Am I the reason she wants to cry?

Pushing me to arm's length, my heart breaks.

Does she not want me? What could I have done so bad for her to hate me?

Kneeling in front of me, she speaks in a soft tone.

“This is your new mommy. She’s going to take care of you now. She'll protect you from all things bad. Your name is Madison. Now, do you remember anything before today?”

Her words scare me because I can’t. I'm unable to grasp onto any memory from before a few minutes ago. If not for her telling me, I might not have even known my own name.

“Ma-di-son?”

The label of myself sounds foreign in my voice like I have never said it before.

“Yes, and this is Marry.”

She gestures to the other woman, and I look at her again. Slowly, still unsure, I walk to her. She smiles warmly at me. She looks like a mommy.

But, is she really mine?

Feeling alone, I need security. Someone who will never leave me, or lie to me.

"Hey, are you okay?" Matt's voice jerks me out of the memory.

Taking a moment to adjust back to everything around me, it's not uncommon for me to get lost in my own thoughts. Sometimes it feels like I am right there, in my head, away from everything else. Even more so recently.

Remembering his question, I answer.

“I don’t actually know for sure. I can’t remember anything before the day of my adoption, and every time I ask my mom. She shuts down, not giving any kind of answer.”

My gaze is brought back to him as he asks another question.

“So, do you have any friends? Not that I assume you don't, I'm just wondering because every time I have seen you. You're always alone.”

He backtracks his meaning in slight regret that he might be coming off as mean or rude.

Trying to figure him out, I can’t. Something about him throws me off.

He seems sweet and genuine, but what is it that he's holding back? Am I just being paraniod?

“I have friends. I mean, mostly just one. Or, I guess, maybe two now. But, the second is kind of recent. That’s okay though, I don’t care for too much company.”

My words are only a half-truth, and I can’t help but feel pain with them. Yes, I don't care for company, but that is only because I have been burned in the past by so-called 'Friends'. So, now I stick with Bailey as my main friend, family, hers and mine, and keep everyone else at a distance.

Bailey is the only one who has never judged me. Not harshly that is, or with any ill intent. She's blunt, so when she says something, it's only because she cares and doesn't hold much of a filter. At least that way I don't have to worry about her saying something malicious behind my back or holding feelings against me that she isn't willing to admit to my face. Everyone else loved to spread things behind my back and whisper among themselves. But, not Bailey.

The first time we met, was actually her defending me. She was new to the middle school and called out a group of girls one day for picking fun at me. Since then, she has had my back no matter what.

His eyes are full of something sad, but they change to warmth with his next claim.

“Is the second me!”

A playful grin comes across his face, and I can’t help but feel something flutter for a second in my stomach. The wall that I put up long ago gains a single crack.

Not wanting to break his heart and admit that I was referencing someone else, I smile back and agree.

"Yeah, it's you."

Three friends, how great is that!

In such a short period I have gained two friends, and it feels nice.

‘Maybe it's time to let others in again?’

Maybe.