After we make it to the drawing room I see Archer with his fabrics and needles as well as the ugliest dress I have ever come in contact with in my life. The fabric of the top and sleeves looked like it was made of white wool, more Ideal for a mid winter wedding rather than the late summer wedding I was supposed to have. The skirt was ruffled with silk, layered like a dancers skirt until it extended way farther than it needed to. The sleeves were cinched at the end with embroidered off white butterflies dancing through the top part. The skirt was checkered with eggshell white and cream colors changing directions on each seam. The train was long and relatively simple, just looking at it made me want to physically shrivel into myself. Standing for Archer much like before my Debut I usually find the process boring, this time it’s different. I feel sick, my stomach is completely normal but I feel nauseous. In the back of my throat and my chest, my mouth is dry as I stand there. I feel a flight or fight response I can’t respond to and my head throbs with dizziness, I would like to go back to my room and just do nothing. My breathing picks up slightly and I try to combat my anxiety with deep breaths.

“Dearest stop it or you’ll get poked.” My mother says simply and I nod, I try to look through the room and see a basket by my feet. I'm not sure what it’s meant for but looking in it causes intrusive thoughts to move through my head. I know I'm perfectly healthy but something about looking in the basket causes the nausea to double for only a moment and I decide if I'm going to get sick it will be there.

“I wish I could give you a dress that has more sentimental value, a family heirloom maybe, alas I was the middle child and my older sister got my mother’s dress when she married, it will do to your cousin Florence when she comes of age.” my mother says, suddenly snapping me out of my thoughts.

“You married… father in it, it should hold some value to you.” I respond expecting my mother to agree curtly before going quiet again, I am surprised when instead she laughs quite genuinely.

“You should know more than anyone by now marriage has nothing to do with how the woman feels.” she responds rather simply fanning herself while she thinks for a moment.

“The only thing really up to me was the dress and you don’t even get that privilege.” I audibly suck through my teeth and cringe staring at the dress half draped on my body.

“It’s… wonderful mother.” I lie through my teeth and my mother laughs again reaching over for her tea cup placed on the table beside her.

“I told you, you were going to get stuck.” I nod, staring at my hands hearing the clink of her setting her cup again.

“So, you didn’t love father?” I ask softly and my mother makes a thoughtful expression.

“I’m not sure what love is truly, at least for another person such as your father. I love this tea for instance.” she pauses pursing her lips.

“I thought I knew at one time… staring at your brother for the first time I was quite over come with something you could describe as love but,” she pauses and almost seems sad.

“He was so small, so sick. I realized even the most important things could die. I tried to give your father another, stronger Heir but after you were born… the way you are-” I interrupt her without much thinking.

“You mean a girl?” I ask furrowing my brows and she nods, staring at the ceiling, not scolding me for being unlady-like and not letting her finish.

“Yes, he said he wouldn’t try for another. Told me my womb was poisoned, his mistresses keep him happy now and I keep up the house. I distanced myself from him so as to not get hurt, and I distanced myself from my children even after Darius got better. Forever expecting the worst.” This seems like the first real conversation I've ever had with my mother, and the glimpse I get into her life is slightly overwhelming.

“It’s not as if my mother’s dress would fit you anyways, she was much thinner than you.” She says after a minute and I feel my head roll back and a groan rip from my throat.

After hours of standing for Archer and that terrible dress, my mother clamoring in the background how it would cost less to make me a new dress with all the fabric they’re using to match it to my size. I’m finally let go, it’s getting dark now the sun is still barely peeking over the horizon. As I pass by the large open windows of the dukedom, the wind blows into my face and I close my eyes taking in the smell of the late summer. I’m startled out of my thoughts at the sound of swords swinging and hitting each other, I peer down to the training grounds and see my brother in a playful sparring match with Herschel. The scene reminds me of when I used to watch them growing up, Herschel had just joined the house as a guard in training and Darius was having one of his better days, they practiced swordsmanship together as they grew older and now it was hard to tell who was better. Herschel preferred a broad sword, thick and heavy it showed as his weapon came down like a hammer when he struck. My brother was partial to a rapier, a shorter sword close to his body. It was strange to watch how the two interacted on the training grounds. I only knew so much about swords due to me reading hours of research and combat books to my brother as he layed in bed when we were children. He always said he could read them himself but I insisted, I loved it.

“My lady!” Ophilia’s familiar voice calls for me and I turn to her as she bows and hands me a folded piece of paper with my name inscribed delicately on the front in large looping letters.

“My apologies for the interruption but I found this on your desk while I was tidying up your room.” Ophelia explains fidgeting with her hands.

“You’re fine Ophi no worries.” I smile at her and her fear filled expression drops causing her to brightly smile back.

“By the way Ophilia I…” I can’t help but falter slightly as her wide eyes look at me. She's such a sweet girl and she deserves the love she’s found. I wish I could do something for her.

“I’m just sorry alright?” I say looking back at the window watching the sun fall and seeing a figure by the lake farther on the grounds. Ophelia’s brows furrow but she ultimately decides against asking what I mean and walks away. I open the note and read through the sentences carefully, the handwriting is careful and familiar although I can not place my finger where i’ve seen it before.

My Lady Wardwell,

I hope this letter finds you well, for I would not wish to burden you more if you are not. I’ve noticed you for a long time now, I’ve seen your expressions change as these few weeks have transpired and to say I am concerned is an understatement. Unfortunately with your impending nuptials I am unable to speak with you in person especially due to your new upgraded guard.All i’ve held in for so long I can not any longer, but I do not have the willingness to face you just yet. So I would like to tell you everything I think but as to not be discovered by your beloved I will do so through a page rather than spoken word. I apologize for this inconvenience ahead of time and bid you goodbye for now.

                                                        -Forever yours.

To say getting such a letter was surprising would be an understatement, I didn’t know what to do with such a letter, I was to be married in a little over a month, engaged! In love! What was this person thinking? I stuffed the letter down my dress when I hear a scream from outside, I look out the window once again to see Darious on the ground with a fatal wound bleeding on the ground, as well as Herschel kneeling next to him his discarded broad sword had a bloody tip, cast to the side as it’s wielder tends to my brother.