Herschel had accidentally struck my brother while sparring, no one blamed him not even Darius who hadn’t woken sense the incident. During the days He was recovering I had barely seen Ophilia, I expected she was most likely in the maid’s quarters trying to still hide their affections for each other knowing she could not mask her fear for his life. I stayed by Darius’s side the best I could but Herschel made me sleep in my own bed, this gave me the opportunity to see the many other notes hidden for me in the many places of my room, I often read them while sitting with my brother as that was the only time Herschel truly left me alone.

Week 1.

My Lady Wardwell,

You are truly the god’s definition of perfection, I thought myself a man of logic over romance but knowing you has me questioning myself every day. I could be blinded and I would be satisfied only knowing I gazed upon your delicate features at least once in my insignificant life. I look inside myself and see a perilous ravine without you in my life, I hope to convince you to instead Marry me, and move to the capital then lead the life you are planning at this time.The world was once dark but I saw everything so clear after the first time you embraced me. I wish for nothing more than your forgiveness for the things people have said I've done, I am only guilty for the effect you have on me and the way you make me feel.

                                                       -Forever yours.

Herschel started standing outside of my brother’s room while i’m there. He barely looked at me as I walked past him and only talked in short sentences. I assume he’s wracked with guilt over the accident but things are bound to happen when boys are training together with swords.

“What am I going to do Darius?” I say softly not expecting my brother to answer, he turns a little in his sleep and I sigh.

“Herschel’s changed ever since… well he’s not acting like himself anymore.” I used to talk with Darius on his bad days, tell him about my studies as well as mother and father. He’d sleep through it for days until he would finally roll over and tell me to shut up and let him sleep, that’s how I'd always know he was going to be ok. I shuffle the three letters in my hand and find the newest one, I've only skimmed it until now.

“Something is so off about him, he either won’t look at me or…” even though I knew he wasn’t listening I couldn’t help stopping short of the flirting Herschel had subjected me to as of late, pulling me close, kissing my skin, sniffing my hair, and then letting me go to walk away without a word. I look at the third letter in my hand,

“What do you think of this?” I ask softly looking at the letter, this one was longer than the others.

My Lady Wardwell,

I must apologize in advance for my words in this letter, I don’t wish to alarm you in any way. I can not hold in my jealous feelings any longer, I saw you with him today, the knight. Watching him hold you the way I long to, the way his lips caress you makes me burn. I know there is nothing I can do and I am completely out of line but the fact I can’t force your betrothed to keep his hands off you pains me to my core. I am determined to steal your heart from him. Quoting the great poet I must say to you,

“When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries And look upon myself and curse my fate, Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd, Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, With what I most enjoy contented least; Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, Haply I think on thee, and then my state, Like to the lark at break of day arising From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings That then I scorn to change my state with kings.” 

I feel as if I can never say enough how I feel for you using my own words or anyone else’s but I will keep trying until I find the right set of phrases to convey it properly.

-Forever yours.

I sigh deeply looking to see my brother breathing deeply and evenly as he sleeps which is a good sign.

“Whoever this man is… he wants me to marry him which means mother was wrong when she said no one would want me after what i’ve done.” I think for a moment skimming the letters again.

“He wants to move to the capital, and live close to the academy but… the capital has more rumors than the dukedom. I don't know if I could stand living in the capital.” I shake my head, sighing deeply.

“What am I saying? I’m engaged I-I love Herschel…” for a moment the room is uncomfortably quiet as I sit and wait for a response from my brother I know will never come.

Week 2.

I spend every day doing the same thing. In the morning I go to the drawing room where my mother ridicules me while my dress is fitted to me. She's decided to add a long translucent train with embroidered boars and grape vines. I could feel Archer freeze at the request before mumbling a soft prayer for me and agreeing. I am escorted to my room by Herschel afterwards where sometimes I would find a new note, and sometimes I would find nothing. Herschel escorts me to my brother’s room and I talk to him, He’s never been asleep for so long.

“The head house Physician is contemplating a feeding tube, you know.” I tell him as I sit down on the chair that now never leaves his bedside,

“They’re worried your weight will get too low if you don’t eat something.” I sigh deeply, taking out one of his favorite books from under the bed. He always used to leave them there for me to read to him when he was sick.

“I don’t have another letter today unfortunately… I know how interesting you find them.” I can’t help chuckling to myself. Just as I open the book I hear footsteps and a piece of paper slips under the door,

“I may have spoken too soon.” I can't help the chuckle that leaves my mouth walking to the door and picking up the paper, it has the same writing on it spelling my name out carefully.

“Curious how it was delivered here…” I trail off unfolding the paper and skimming it, it was much shorter than I expected as well as being a Tad messier.

My Lady Wardwell,

I’m afraid my movements are being watched, and my letters could be intercepted. I will deliver my letters to this room when you are here from now on.

                                                                 -Forever yours.

I flip the paper over looking for another message and am a little disappointed to find nothing. I sit back in my spot picking up the book I set down before.

“I’m sorry Darius, it was… nothing interesting.” only mumbling leaves my lips, and my brother doesn’t move from his slumber.

When i’m done with my brother I walk back to my room and open the door only to see it torn completely apart. Herschel is in my top dresser drawer looking frantically for something before turning around when he hears my door closed.

“Wh-what are you doing Herschel?” the words slip from my lips cautiously as if i’m speaking to a mental patient, My eyes dart towards my bed quickly. The covers are torn off and bunched up.

“You’re hiding something, I know it.” He huffs slamming the drawer shut and turning around, he walks towards me stomping angrily.

“I could tell by the smug face that Bastard gave me in the hall earlier! Where is it!?” He demands loudly and my breathing picks up, I don’t know who’s talking about.

“H-Herschel you’re scaring me who are you talking abou-” he cuts me off by letting out an aggravated groan.

“You know who i’m talking about! Stop being so.. So stupid!” he yells turning back around and pushing everything off my desk slamming his hands down breathing heavily.

“I’ll kill him! I’ll kill that little…” I know I have to de-escalate this situation, I swallow hard walking closer to him.

“Don’t you think if there was something to hide you would have found it?” I ask softly, reaching out a hand delicately and Herschel lets out a deep sigh.

“I-i know with the princess and now your brother you must think that I… I can’t Lose you Adi..” He stands up, grabbing my hand and placing the tips of my fingers to his lips softly.

“I need you, i’m almost…” he trails off and my heartbeat quickens, the soft gentle boy I grew to love over the years, it was like I was finally seeing him again.

“I have to have you, Adi.” He finally says with a desperate tone pulling me closer and burying his face in my neck, I can’t help the chuckle that bubbles from my throat.

“You have me Herschel… I’m right here.” He pulls me closer to him before moving me back towards my bed,

“No Adi I need you, right now.” He lays me down almost too softly and panic sets in, it causes my blood to freeze in my veins.

“Wait wait! Herschel we’re not-” He kisses me before I can finish, while reaching behind me to undo my dress.

“We’re to be married anyways. What's the difference if we do this now or in a few weeks?” He tries to reason with me kissing down my neck and shoulder as my dress starts slipping. All of my courage and strength comes together to push him from on top of me grabbing my duress to keep it from slipping anymore.

“I-i’m not ready! Herschel I don’t think we should do this! Please… please go away” My words get softer and my fear rings in my voice, Herschel stares down at me with a confused expression that quickly turns angry before turning and leaving my room slamming the door behind him. I slow my breathing, the letter from today barely sticking out of my dress before I take it and put it with the rest of the letters I've hidden under the mattress.

Week 3.

My Lady Wardwell,

My affections for you only grow stronger the farther we are apart, I am truly afraid of getting caught with these letters, but everyone I send brings me closer to the day I can tell you how I feel in person. I saw you through the window today, I find it amusing how your beauty can be complemented by even the most hideous of garments.I could not decide weather to feel sorry for you standing in the atrocious thing you are to walk down the aisle in, how you can even call that thing a dress i’ll never know, or to feel complete awe at the way your lips moved as you spoke, the way your hair drapes down your body like a river made of the sweetest chocolate, or how your eyes still manage to sparkle in such a horrendous state of clothing. I almost can’t handle watching you walk through the halls no matter how unhinged I may sound admitting it, I don’t wish to do anything heinous when I see you walking the halls of the dukedom. I only crave to hold you as I have before, and see you smile again, which is something I miss dearly watching you smile even from afar. I wait to see you and let you take my breath away once more anxiously, until then,

-Forever yours.

I look up when I hear movement on my brother’s bed, he’s readjusting slightly and it causes him to wince, my heart races at the thought he might wake up. His face only relaxes again and I am filled with disappointment,

“I understand why you were so upset, you love Ophelia and you don’t want her to leave you but…” It may be silly to choose my words carefully when I know my brother can’t hear a word I’m saying but I do it anyway to try and be polite.

“I don’t think there is anything I can truly do unfortunately you know how father and mother handle my opinions, although I doubt they’d listen to you either.” Darious doesn’t move again and I can’t help letting out a sigh and opening the book on my lap to read to him.

Standing in the drawing room, I look in the mirror and see my mother’s new and improved wedding dress now perfectly fitted to my body. It is even more horrifying than I thought it would be. My mother is asleep on the couch, she can’t see what seems like more frills and designs then what I first thought.

“Archer… you can’t possibly agree with her can you?” my mother rolls over on the couch and snores before I look back at my reflection. Archer shrugs fluttering out the skirts behind me,

“I agree with her as much as she pays me.” He chuckles, his croaky voice filled with obvious sarcasm, He looks over the dress again before turning his gaze to my reflection.

“I don’t love it.” he admits to me standing up and kissing my cheek the way an older relative would, He smells like wood finish.

“I do believe you could make anything look good my lady.” He smiles at me and my cheeks flush from embarrassment, I can’t help the giggle that escapes me as he packs up his things.

“Should we wake up your mother?” He asks, after I stare at myself a little longer I look over at the duchess again, a wine glass near her head.

“I think maybe she should stop drinking with her medication.” Archer chuckles while nodding in agreement and unzipping the back of my dress so I can step out of it.

“I think we should leave her where she is” Archer drapes the dress on the mannequin making a humming sound in agreement.

“She’ll wake up… and figure out where we are eventually.” Stepping off the stool I get dressed again and bow to Archer.

“Thank you for fitting me into… that” I can’t help pausing as I gesture to what’s supposed to be my wedding dress and the older man smiles at me.

“It was probably one of my most challenging works.” His smile drops after a moment and I can’t help but let out a snort of a laugh when he processes what he said.

“Oh! Not because of you my lady, you are…” He trails off when he notices I'm still laughing and shaking my head.

“It's fine, no worries.” He starts to chuckle as well, shaking his head. I step over and move my mother’s glass away from the edge of the table so it won’t fall and stain the carpet.

“I’ll see you another time Archer, thank you again.” I smile at him again before leaving and walking to My room, a Note is taped to my door and I find it surprising that it’s here and not at Darius’s room, My name is scrawled across almost sloppily compared to the other notes, but I can’t look at it long before hearing footsteps coming quickly down the hall. I turn around Hiding the note behind me as I see Herschel walking to me,

“Adi? You’re early…” He looks confused and I’m glad I got to my door before he could, I wonder why he was coming to my room in the first place making a mental note to lock it before I leave again.

“We finished my dress, that means i’ll have the free time to go back to studying.” Herschel smiles his same charismatic face I recognize so clearly.

“I Can’t wait to see your dress hun, but I canceled your studies indefinitely.” My brows furrow at this new information and a chuckle of disbelief leaves my lips,

“That’s a little extreme Herschel I mean I can find a different tutor Mr. Walsh doesn’t need to-” Herschel cuts me off putting up his hands defensively,