Joyner 

"She messed you up that bad huh" I pretty much stated. He turned away. Her name was Lucy, she is Shen's ex. They were together for almost a year and Shen was madly in love with her... at least that's how it felt to me. She broke up with him before senior year of high school. She never really gave him a good explanation. He was so broken and I tried my best to be there for him, helping him glue together all his shattered pieces. But I still knew he hadn't forgotten her, after all, she is his first love. 

"No, that's not it" I heard him say. "The thing is..." he stopped and sighed. "Never mind" he continued as he took our lunches and walked off. I turned to follow him. 

We met up after school and I drove him home. Pat had vocal lessons after her classes so I didn't have to wait. 

The car ride was so silent I could hear myself breathing. I don't like this. When we arrived at his house I decided to stay and figure out what was weighing down my bro. 

As we walked through the front door I heard a familiar voice call my name. I turned towards the kitchen and saw Sarah, Shen's little sister, grinning from ear to ear. Shen had told me a few times that Sarah has a massive crush on me and I had sort of a running joke with their mom on how long it would last. Don't blame us, she is just 13. On top of that, nothing I tried would stop her from pestering me, I think she just fell harder each time. Like...wtf?

I waved and hurriedly turned, just to see that Shen was already gone. I went straight to his room and closed the door. I leaned my back against it and had both hands in my pockets. "Speak" I demanded. 

"There is nothing to talk about" he said. He was laying in bed but he shifted himself so he could lean against the bed head and then he closed his eyes. "I am gonna leave Linda, that's all there is to it" he continued.

"But wh-" I started.

"Because I want to" he calmly said cutting me off. Even so, I could still sense a bit of anger. "Why do you even care? I have seen the way you look at her, you hate her guts" he started. Oops! I didn't know I was that obvious. "You should be cheering me on, shit, even carrying me out to celebrate" he continued. You would think he would be smiling but no, he said all this with a straight face and with eyes still closed. Now tell me, how can I believe him when he ain't even trying to be convincing? This little shit. 

I couldn't hold it in, I began laughing so hard that my eyes started to water. He took a pillow and threw it at me and by reflex, I caught it.  

"What's so funny?" he growled. I stopped laughing and smiled. 

"Dude, just because I hate her doesn't mean I want to stop your happiness". I said looking at him as he flung his eyes open and slowly turned his head giving me the death stare. But then his gaze softened a bit and he snickered. His eyes moved slightly away from me, staring at the blurred colours of the picture on the wall as if lost in thought. 

I had never realized how light the shade of brown in his eyes was, right now they look so golden. Although he was not looking at me, I felt so captivated by them, I almost felt a bit jealous of the painting. I caught myself staring before he noticed and turned my head to look down at my shoes. What the actual fuck was that? I asked myself. Nah- it's nothing. I am just feeling sad for him right now, so my mind is thinking weird things. Yup, that's what it is. 

"Happiness huh?" he chuckled. "What even is that?" I knew he wasn't really asking me so I stayed silent waiting for him to continue. He removed his gaze from the painting and turned it to the ceiling and went back to his former position. 

"It's not that I don't like her, it's just that it doesn't feel right. For sure, Linda ain't no Lucy so it's definitely not about being hurt, it's just me, I am the broken one. I have been trying, not only with Linda but with the others before as well but I just can't seem to see a future with anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I will die before I find real love, maybe that's the reason I can't see or feel anything. I keep trying, but nothing ever comes." He finally lets out with a sigh. I see a tear fall but he quickly wipes it away. 

I have never seen Shen cry before and seeing it just now tore something inside my heart. We have never been the type of friends to hug or cry in front of each other. Neither of us wanted to be seen as soft. But I couldn't control my legs as I walked over to the bed and sat down at the edge and pulled him to my chest. It should have felt awkward but it felt so natural. I needed to hold him.