Kieran was told that it was a gruesome sight.
Of course, that was only after the medical personnel had evacuated both pilots to safety and the technicians had loaded up the very badly dented Interceptor onto the transport machinery. He wasn't sure how long exactly that took, but he knew those minutes were agonisingly long.
Regarding the rift, there had been little to be achieved in the end. Dragon and the support team were able to repel the attack, pushing them towards the shoreline until they turned tail and ran, but without Interceptor or Tiger - or any mecha with pilots capable of similar feats - they did not have enough resources to ensure safe working on closing the rift.
Kieran had listened to the back-and-forth around him, not taking part. He knew where his strengths were, and deciding when to back off was not one of them. It had been someone else, every time, to tell him to withdraw. Most often Lonan.
Lonan, who had saved his ass with that snap judgement more than once when they were still pilots.
Hannah had never backed off either, and that was how they were in this mess.
"This is Saude from Medical. Kieran, do you read?" The voice appearing on his communication channel almost startled him before he was pulled back to the reality of the situation.
"I do", he replied hastily, "how are the pilots doing?" The reply was not what Kieran wanted to hear: a long, deep-drawn sigh. He strained his hearing to try and hear something from the background, but he only heard the medical murmur of the personnel.
"Not good", Saude noted honestly, "but hey, they're alive and that's something? Let's take every win we can get."
"We can do that, but I'd still like a bit more extensive explanation, if you don't mind." Kieran listened impatiently at the tapping on the datapad, flipping of papers and Saude pausing to answer some questions about fractures.
"Let's see, we should have her scans up right about... yes, here they are", Saude replied, "both of them are currently in shock, which is not good, but that’s a pretty human reaction to being splintered." Kieran grimaced at the word and blocked it out to the best of his ability as he waited for Saude to continue.
"From what we gather, an anomaly rammed straight into Interceptor and just tore open one side from it. The poor pilot that happened to be on its way barely avoided being crushed between the hull and the ceiling, but other than that she hasn't had the best luck", Saude continued, "the vital monitors were completely gone from the impact, so we didn't get the feed from there. The good side is that we don't really need a feed to see what's wrong."
"Which would be what, exactly," Kieran snapped. The familiarity of the situation was rending his nerves, and his patience was stretched thin enough without Saude giving him the longest possible version of the story.
"Five broken ribs", Saude's voice delivered chipperly, "fractures in both arms and legs, both oblique and comminuted. One compound fracture and one that we suspect to be comminuted. The compound fracture is at the thigh, which means that she's bleeding pretty profusely."
"But she's alive?" Kieran had to make sure. Saude laughed. It was usually not a good sign; Saude had laughed when Kieran’s last pilots were brought to them, too.
"For now at least. As I said, let's take every win we can get. Through some miracle or other her spine hasn't suffered any damage, so she can still pilot if she survives this. Our main concern currently is the shock and the fact that she hit her head pretty hard; we'll need actual scans for it, but I do think we’re gonna have to keep her under for some time.”
No wonder, Kieran wanted to add dryly, but that would have meant Saude would have gotten distracted again, so he held his tongue.
"Anyway, we'll be back in the base in fifteen minutes, so if you want to come check her out in the medical, we'd be delighted to have you there", Saude sighed and Kieran heard them promptly lowering their voice, "if not for any other reason, then we're going to need you to pry away the co-pilot. Quite frankly he's in our way, but he refuses to leave her side for more than a few seconds at a time. We're trying to go around him but he's seriously getting in our way."
"I'll be there", Kieran promised and heard a click when Saude hung up. The evacuation seemed to be proceeding as planned, no anomalies had set out to chase them and everyone had managed to set their route back to the base. Their estimated time for arrival would be a bit later than the medical personnel.
He clicked open his tablet and found Caspian's contact information.
"Caspian, I'm going to need you to stand in for me at the command centre," he started as soon as Caspian picked up, "be here in ten minutes. If you're in the middle of something, drop it."
"I'm currently on standby, in case they do decide they need Tiger," Caspian replied, "I'm fairly certain that you don't outrank Marshal's orders."
Kieran bit back a sharp reply. It was the truth, after all.
"Let's hope they don't," he concluded and closed the call. After a few deep breaths and a huge swallowed lump of pride, he chose another contact.
Few minutes later the doors to the command centre opened. Kieran heard the familiar soft footsteps approaching him and collected his items from the table, opening the mission briefing on the table as he stood up.
Dark skin, eyes so black you could drown in them, hair in a tight braid hanging from under the cap. He would have recognized her anywhere. His heartbeat became just a pace quicker as he averted his eyes.
"I owe you one, Hannah," he said as he stepped past her, "they're currently retreating, so I just need you to watch over communication channels for a bit."
"You owe me one," Hannah confirmed with a sigh and sat down on the seat left vacant by Kieran, "this better save at least two lives." Kieran smirked joylessly.
"If the medical staff does their job in saving this pilot, they will save much more than that," he guaranteed and headed towards the exit. In the background he heard Hannah introducing herself and briefing others that she'd be taking over the communication channel for Kieran for the rest of the mission.
Kieran didn't want to be around while she did that. He had his hands full enough already without unpleasant memories.
Medical ward was already busy and active by the time he made his way there, but even through all the talking between doctors and nurses, he was able to make out the sound of Ildar's sharp voice cutting over everyone, and Saude who was apparently trying to reason with him.
"I'm telling you, I need to be there--"
"And I'm telling you, you are not medical personnel, you are in the way, and you were in the way the whole ride here," Saude stated with a tone that implied they were very done with the conversation.
"Hey there," Kieran greeted them as he stepped closer, "Ildar, can I have a word?"
Ildar turned to him, his eyes wide and wild. Kieran took in the impression of him in one glance, the shallow breathing, the shaking hands, the beads of cold sweat on his forehead.
"I can't, they took Zoya there, I need to be there when she," he rambled. Kieran wrapped his arm around Ildar's shoulder, and Ildar seemed to be in too much shock to act.
From the way Ildar's skin was ice cold to touch, Kieran suspected it to be the latter.
"I need a situation report", he explained as he escorted Ildar firmly to the nearest chair, "and I need you to sit down. You're in pain, aren't you? She got hit while you were still connected."
"I'm fine," Ildar snapped angrily as he sat down, "more importantly, Zoya--"
"Is in good hands now,” Kieran stated firmly.
For a moment the two of them stared at each other. There was something reduced about Ildar when Zoya wasn't there - something taken, as if he was not completely there, or did not know what he was supposed to be doing.
Ildar was the first one to lower his eyes to his hands that rested on his lap, as if he had only now realised he had two hands waiting to be placed somewhere.
"She's going to be alright." Kieran didn't know if it was a lie or not, and he would worry about apologising later if it would turn out to be one of those lies you tell people when you need them to calm down. Keeping Ildar from everyone's way would make it more likely that Kieran would not turn into a liar.
"Should I go get a nurse, or will you tell me how you're doing? You don't seem to be very well," he continued. Ildar leaned forward, and Kieran shifted abruptly thinking Ildar was going to pass out.
He didn’t pass out. Instead, he buried his head in his hands and drew a very deep, trembling sigh that seemed to let go of all the tension his body had been holding.
"I'm," he finally started with a disgruntled voice, as if the whole world around him was to blame for how he felt, "cold, I guess. It didn't hurt… at first. I think she was too much in shock to actually feel the pain. But when it kicked in..."
Ildar's voice trailed off and he just shook his head, still not lifting his eyes.
Kieran didn't want to say that he understood even when he did, nor did he want to say that he had been in the same situation, even when he had.
It was precisely because he had been there that he knew that such words would wound more than they would help, and he wasn't going to inflict that on anyone else.
But Lonan had made it through.
"They said she's going to pilot again," Kieran said instead, trying to hide away the hurt from the fact that it was more than Lonan had, "there were no paralysing injuries in the initial assessments." Ildar let out a short, bitter, huffing laughter, before drawing another deep breath.
"I could drink something," he said after the laughter faded off, "water. Or anything. I'm not feeling too good."
Kieran fetched a cup of water and handed it towards Ildar, and as he looked up to drink it, Kieran saw haunted eyes and an expression of reliving the pain.
Ildar spent a long time drinking the water, and Kieran waited with him. Uncertainty was the worst part. It was the current pulling your emotions this way and that, and Ildar was currently in the middle of it.
She is his anchor.
“Why did you two enlist here, anyway?” Kieran asked to make small talk. Zoya may have been better at silences than talking, but Ildar was more normal than that. Ildar sighed and straightened his back again. His body was starting to shake from the shock, and Kieran took a blanket from the shelf to the side to set around his shoulders.
“It was her idea,” Ildar muttered with some resentment and combed his hair away from his face. It was darker than Zoya’s, but it had the same greenish tint, seeped deep into the colour by whatever it was in the waters of their hometown. “She has… a theory, of sorts.”
“What is it about?” Kieran was not sure if he actually wanted to know what kind of theories someone like Zoya could come up with, but if it would distract Ildar and make the minutes pass by any faster, he would listen to anything.
His prejudice on Zoya’s line of thought was not eased by the fact that Ildar let out a hollow, helpless laugh at the question. A door opened and closed down the hallway where they had left Zoya, and Kieran looked there at the same time Ildar did. It was a nurse Kieran knew, a woman with impeccable makeup and a white coat.
“Ain’t this a rare sight,” she sighed with a grin as she hurried past Kieran. “Kieran at the medical, uninjured.”
“If I were, I’m sure you’d take good care of me,” Kieran quipped back. “How’s your patient?”
“In pieces, like pilots usually are when they end here.” She clearly was in too much hurry to offer anything else than a hurried shout before disappearing behind the corner, and in too much hurry to take a proper look at who Kieran was accompanying, and Kieran could not blame her for that. They were saving a life.
Apologies were a mask people wore to get better along with each other. Kieran and Hannah had never been good with wearing them, and judging by everything, neither was Ildar. He could have said many things.
It was not the time nor the place, but Kieran was painfully reminded of the fact that Zoya was the only hope he would ever have of even getting close to Phoenix.
This was his problem, a lack of focus. He would forget why he had a goal and then have a painful reminder of the reasons just as the goals stretched out of his reach. Operating for Phoenix was equal to money and reputation, money and reputation were equal to stability, stability was equal to making sure he and Lonan would be set for life, even if the military decided to cut them off.
They both had their reasons for wishing Zoya would be all right. Kieran did not want to compare his relief to Ildar's when the nurse from earlier came to inform them that Zoya would be all right, the four to eight week recovery time something Kieran had almost guessed would be the case if she would survive - it was obvious Ildar was the one who was more relieved.
Kieran's relief was tainted with the realization that this would be four to eight weeks they would lose in simulations and training time.
He had not thought of it as a competition, but the timeframe brought to his mind the fact that Nova had found a new partner and a new operator, and they were all putting in hours every day. If Nova was the slightest bit affected by his brother paralyzing his legs, he did not let it show.
Surely he had his own reasons, but Kieran doubted Nova could ever understand the motivation of poverty.
Perhaps it was a competition after all.
He gritted his teeth and looked at Ildar, barely paying any attention to the questions exchanged between Ildar and the nurse. They did not matter: if Zoya was alive, she would recover, and if she would recover, she would be able to continue piloting. Kieran would hammer it into her head that this was not to happen again, and they would do drills and simulations until they could demonstrate understanding safety and chain of command.
"Come on," he urged when the nurse finally left and Ildar remained still, forlorn eyes staring after her. Kieran escorted them down to the canteen, past the equipment storage, the gym and the showers, the post exchange and the elevators.
There, once again, they ran into Lonan. He was just about to head to the elevators, but turned his wheelchair towards Kieran and waved. Kieran waved back but also nodded towards Ildar in an attempt to communicate it not being a good time for anything Lonan may have had on his mind.
Ildar did not seem to notice the way Lonan glanced at him, pressed his lips tightly together and turned back towards the elevators instead. As Kieran guided Ildar past them he saw them going down - to the bottom floor laboratory, where they conducted research for neurolinks, prosthetics and anomalies.
Kieran had never been to the laboratory, nor had he ever stepped foot into the mechanics' hangar. Lonan and Hannah belonged in different worlds than him, now.
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