Have you ever done something incredibly stupid in the name of love? I mean, something completely out of character but in the moment, it felt right? Hell, you enjoyed it...because it made you feel special, bonded even. So much so, that the world just disappeared, and the only thing left was you and them?

Well, I did and I'm still reaping the repercussions.

I wasn't the tatted up, pierced, blue-haired twenty-year-old thug imposter that I am now. When I was in younger, I honestly was just an average kid trying to get by and figure out what I wanted in life. I never focused on school because things came to me easy. I guess I was gifted or something, at least that's what my teachers told my mom. So instead, I spent most of my time in class doodling. Drawing was always something I liked to do, sports were ok, and I was fine at most. Music I listened to but never put the time into trying to master anything, but art put me at ease.

That goes back to my dead-beat dad and my meth-head mom. Life with them was tough growing up, the abuse was almost endless until my dad just finally gave up and left. In the meantime, my mom had just about any ol' guy on the block come into our house, and that only further pushed me into my shell. A shell that was only opened by my imagination, hell even my fears. I let them dot the pages of my notebooks to tell my story. The story of a kid who just didn't know his way...hell didn't even know why he was here.

Anyhoo, my successes through art allowed me to attend Tokyo University of the Arts. How did I pay my way here? Not with scholarships...but with a loan from the yakuza. Because of course, I fell in love with a member of the Venom Gang (VG).

Everywhere I go on campus, people mutter that I'm a dangerous and scary. Even in class when I try to make nice, people are always scooting a hundred feet away. What's crazy is in the last year...the last thing I wanted was to be alone. Yet that's my...

"Oh, I'm so—"

Fuck...if my day wasn't already bad, now some guy is gut-checking me as I walk into the fine-arts building. No...not just some guy. His name was Yuuto Izaki. He as a music major, but was in the same Intermediate Painting class as me. Rumor had it that he was the lead guitarist in a local band. I guess I could see it, he was a blonde-haired, brown-eyed heart throb...I mean if you were into boy-band types. I normally thought guys like that would be a bit more...rugged. Instead, he was always in casual clothing. But when I saw his face turn pale and his eyes widen, I knew my questioning stares became off-putting. 

“Waa!!! I’m sorry, sir! Please, take my money. Take everything!” Yuuto said, digging into his wallet.

 Fuck...

“Look, I don’t need your–” I started, but bills sprayed into my fast as a gust of wind caressed my cheek,

"Money..."

He was gone and with that came a million and one stares. Double fuck. I sighed, collecting the cash. My plan was to take it home, put it in an envelope, and leave it with his paintings the next day. Trying to give it to him in person would only make matters worse.

As I sat in my next class, art history, I took my normal seat in the back. Slumping in my seat, I almost wished for the day to be over. I so badly wanted to start over and maybe get this thing called life back on track. I wanted to not have to lull things over in my mind and listen to my own thoughts. I didn't want to live in that room we shared out intimate moments together in...or still be working for his brother.

My phone buzzed, as the teacher dimmed the light to start his presentation. I opened my phone as Yahiko, the Oyabun, or boss, of the VG's name shows across the screen. I had to chuckle, as my fellow classmates scooted further away from me.

In the end, Ray was right. Once you get sucked into the life of the yakuza...there's no way out.