Kit’s POV
Routines. I was never good at them. Something always caught my attention when I was supposed to be doing something else or I just didn’t feel like doing something one day. My guess was that it could be blamed on the ADHD but with my meds, it should be leveled out now so maybe it’s just me.
Either way, it seems Roland doesn’t have this problem.
I’ve been here for a little over a week now and I could already see how meticulous his schedule was. He woke up every day at the same time, made his bed in under a minute, took his perfectly folded clothes to the bathroom and came out ready for the day not even 10 minutes later. He always gave a disapproving look to the messiness that was my side of the cabin as he put on his shoes but never says anything about it before walking out the cabin to head to class.
At least that’s how weekdays went. On weekends after putting on his clothes he just looked lost like he didn’t know what to do now. He sat on his bed stiffly, playing with his fingers in a way that looked painful.
“We should do something today,” I said after a while, not being able to watch him look so bored for so long.
His head shot up like it always did after a long stretch of silence, always forgetting he wasn’t the only person in the room.
“Why?”
“Because it’s the weekend and I’m bored.”
He acknowledged my words but said nothing which was normal. Roland didn’t always give answers if he didn’t think they were needed- well sometimes at least, other times he just doesn’t want to talk.
“Come on, don’t make me go by myself,” I said with a small pout but he didn’t seem to care. “I’ll let you pick what we do.”
I know I was pushing but it was hard to ignore him and it didn’t seem fair to do anything without him. Besides, in the week I’ve been here he’s only left for school and sessions and that just seems wrong.
“We could go watch them play volleyball, or we could get an early lunch and eat outside, I hear they have a library somewhere in here, we could even just go to the general store if you want.” He didn’t say no but the way he visibly cringed at the mention of the store was enough to tell me this was going to be more difficult than I originally thought.
“What did you like to do before camp? Surely we can recreate it somehow.”
A ghost of a smile graced his lips as his face lit up briefly before the smile dropped and his face became impossibly dim. It was almost painful to see the hope drain from his face like that.
“Come on Roland, give me something. It’s causing me physical pain to see you look so bored.”
“That’s not possible,” he said matter-of-factly as he stared at the floor.
“And yet somehow it’s happened,” I sighed as I stood up and walked over to his bed. “If you don’t give me an idea then I’m going to put you over my shoulder and carry you out of here kicking and screaming.”
A glare covered his face but it held no real malice.
I give him a few minutes to respond but when no sound leaves his mouth I take another step forward to uphold my promise. My hand barely grazes his shoulder before it’s hit away but Roland’s small hand.
“I don’t like being carried. I’ll follow you.”
Seconds later the two of us walked out of the cabin without a plan, me leading the way as Roland huddled as close to my back as he could without touching me.
“So lunch then? Before it gets too crowded?” I didn’t get an answer but I took that as him not caring.
The two of us sat under a tree by the lake after getting our treys and I was surprised to see that Roland didn’t seem to hate it despite the slight shiver running through him.
“It’s honestly sad looking at your trey,” I sighed as I looked over Roland’s trey. He offered a slightly offended look but said nothing. “What 16-year-old gets veggies when he doesn’t have to eat them? Honestly you’re such a weirdo.”
“They’re good for you,” he defended weakly.
“You barely eat them. Two bites of each and then you toss them.”
“The lunch ladies work so hard on them. They always look so sad when people don’t get any.”
“Well maybe if they taste better people would get them.”
“It’s hard to make public meals taste good since so many people have food allergies.”
“There can’t be that many.”
“There are about 150 food allergy-related deaths a year and about 200,000 people require hospitalization due to food allergies.”
“You just have that random statistic in your head?”
“It’s not random,” he defended as he pushed his trey away from him, nothing left other than a few stray veggies. “It was related to the topic.”
His hands play with themselves on his lap as he looks over the lake with a bored expression, looking no better than he did when we were in the cabin.
“What do you want to do after you leave camp,” I asked as I lay down on the cold grass, my fingers playing with anything they ran over. I expect an answer but after a while, I continue. “Yea, I don’t know either. Maybe we could do something together? We obviously work so well together.”
“We’ve never had to work together, we just live in the same space.”
“Without killing each other,” I noted. “That alone is a good sign.”
“For prison maybe,” Roland said, the closest thing to a scoff leaving his lips.
“You know, in order to actually leave camp one day you have to actually pass your classes and graduate. When do you plan on doing all that homework in your bag?”
Roland’s face dropped to a deep frown as he glared at the water in front of him but doesn’t answer.
“Come on, you have to do it eventually. Why make your grade suffer when you could just do it? I can help you if you need it.”
In the week I’ve been here he hasn’t so much as looked at his books when we got back to the cabin and with the amount of homework, everyone else complains about I know his GPA is suffering because of it.
Before I could get in another word, Roland stood up with a blank look on his face. Not a word leaves him as he begins walking. For a second I consider following him until I realize he’s walking to the therapist’s buildings and not the cabin.
I can’t help but sigh as I turn my attention back to the water.
I’ll admit it, I’m a fixer. I fix people, it’s what I do. Anthony said it was the most annoying quality but I couldn’t help it. The whole reason we met was that I volunteered during my rehab program to show around the new people and hang around until they found a friend group of their own. Usually, after the first few days of classes, people find their group and you rarely see them again but Anthony clung to me like a was the last helpful person on earth, it helped that we were roommates.
When he kept hanging around I tried to help him out, I introduced him to my friend group, helped with homework, made sure he ate every night and had him in bed at a reasonable time, his program was going perfectly well, yet the permanent look of hatred and utter sadness never left his face so I tried harder. I pushed harder.
I was being ‘too nice’ as Anthony put it. ‘Too helpful’, ‘too pushy’.
“If I fail at this point it’s not just on me anymore! I feel like it’s on you too. Do you have any idea how much pressure that is? I’m not some broken toy that you need to fix dammit!”
He didn’t talk to me for a week after that and the only reason we made up after that was because he needed help with pre-cal.
I really don’t want to fuck up Roland the way I almost ruined Anthony yet there are so many things Roland would be so great at if I could just get him to do it.
If they walk away, let them. If they come back on their own terms ask them to try again. If they say no, accept it.
I repeat that to myself over and over as I stared at the lake yet no matter how many times I repeat it, all catch myself thinking about is how much I hope Roland comes back when he’s done.
Just a little life update, I moved out of my parent's house! This is officially day three of being on my own and so far I really like it. But now that I don't have snoopy parents, let me know if there's anything you want me to do more of on insta.
However, because I moved out I had to get a full-time job so that might cut down on writing availability so be patient with me until we get this new routine down pat.
Things to look out for: random updates to BHF, possible rewrites of AHS because I don't like it, and the sequel to WHW.
Last updated December 4th, 2022
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