Olivia Bryat was always losing. It all started in elementary school be it in academics, sports, or friends someone was always one upping her in everything. She had a fiery passion to never give up and never give in, but she struggled with her own acceptance. Be it her traits or her looks she struggled to accept the things that made her different. It wasn’t bad enough that she struggled in school but because she had vitiligo it became all the harsher for her and she was an easy target.  The bullying, the name calling and the shear amount of pain she endured would make the toughest person break down in tears. She tried to endure for either her parents or herself. The tide shifted when her father lost his job and became an alcoholic. She thought she had a safe space at home. Whatever she went through it didn’t matter because after she came home it all could be erased like it never existed in the first place.

 It was on a day like any other when she had come back from school. Something was different though. Her parents were shouting, and she heard things breaking from inside her house. Her younger self worried that something might be happening to her parents, she opened the door.

“Honey, the bills haven’t been paid and you just keep drinking!”

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want! I’m the one who runs the family!” Mr. Byrat said screaming.

Her dad noticed her when she came in through the door and made a b line for her in a blind drunken rage.

“If we just didn’t have you, our lives wouldn’t have gone to shit!” her dad said while he proceeded to hit her for the first time

Abuse takes many forms emotional, physical, psychological, and Olivia hit the trifecta. Emotional abuse from her classmates, physical abuse from her dad and psychological abuse from herself. She no longer had any safe spaces to run to, nowhere to hide from the harsh realities she endured. And it didn’t get any better in middle school. While her father remained an abusive alcoholic and her mother to scared to do anything about him, she was just as picked on and bullied in middle school as she was in elementary school.

Her vitiligo got more pronounced as she got older. When her mother to took her to a doctor they said everyone’s different, that it could be fast or slow and only time could tell how it would affect her. But the effects were permanent there was nothing they could do to restore the lost pigmentation. Sure, they offered her some steroid cream or told her to apply cosmetics to help with her skin if she felt self-conscious about her appearance. None of those unfortunately fixed the problem of the kids at class calling her a cow or saying she had a contagious disease. The ones who didn’t bully her either distanced themselves from her or just straight up acted like she didn’t exist. One teacher even said something mean to her when she saw her sitting alone.

“If you can’t even bother to put in an effort Olivia no one will want to be with you.”

No one will want to be with me? I have to put in the effort? Olivia had thoughts like these that annoyed and confused her to no end. She didn’t want anyone’s pity. She just wanted to be treated normally like everyone else. Her treatment was more or less the same all throughout middle school and her home life only got worse.

By the time she got into high school her mother and father had reached a breaking point and divorced. Her mother could not handle his horrible behavior and the abuse of their child. It was a little late, but she appreciated that her mother still cared for her in some capacity. She had finally regained a space for herself and thought that her life was taking a turn for the better.

Another challenge arose in the form of her growth spurt. She did not know how tall she would be, but she was always a little bulkier than others. High school was when things really took a change for the better. She grew more confident, she took interest in weight training, and she joined the cheer team. She gained popularity and grew quickly to be liked by everyone as a figurehead for her sport. She had not thought about love yet but for some reason she was very popular with girls. Of course, she was the only one who was confused because to everyone else they saw that she was very attractive. She was tall, built, and had eyes as blue as the ocean, over the years of high school being surrounded and beloved gave her the current personality that everyone now knows her for. Others would call her narcissistic and self-centered, but she’d grown into a natural born lady killer that the men grew jealous of. Going from a nobody to the most popular girl in the school was only something Olivia believed would happen in a dream. Her vitiligo now did not hold her back like it did previously. She grew proud of who she was and embraced the things that made her unique. Gone were the days where she tried to hide and conform with the standards other people pushed onto her. The only problem now was her sudden realization of her sexuality. She had never been interested into boys. She did not mind hanging around or spending time with them, but she didn’t feel anything more than just wanting to be friends with them. So, she did what she thought was best: An ‘Are you gay’ quiz. This was obviously the only logical solution to the problem at hand. After she was done, she sat up out of her chair and came to a very real realization!

“Wow, I’m a lesbian”

WRONG. Obviously not. This might give you a baseline of what you might be like, but she needed to think about it a little more deeply. She’s never even been interested in love in the first place. So, she paid a little more attention to the girls around her vicinity than she normally would. That’s when she truly found out. Her first love. Of all the people it could have been Olivia was the most surprised by her own tastes. It was the quiet girl of their grade. No one paid attention to her or even gave her a second look. But being in love has no logic or reason behind it other than it happens before you even know it. She was like peerless beauty always graceful and always looking forward. She wasn’t bothered by being alone and was always focused on her studies. Olivia wanted to talk to her, but all her confidence shattered at even the thought of talking to her. She finally mustered up the courage after she saw her sitting alone on a bench after classes had ended. This was her perfect opportunity. She had been studying and reading up all for this one moment. She walked over to where she was and sat next to her. For a moment there was a deafening silence that fell between the two. She had to do something, anything really so she said the first thing that came to mind.

“Hey, so, are you looking for a study buddy for the library?”

The silence only permeated, and she grew even more nervous by the second but decided it was go big or go home at this point. She dug herself to deep in this and couldn’t exactly stop now

“Because I’ve been checking you out”

The young lady was drinking something but as soon as Olivia finished her sentence, she spit out her drink with ferocity and choked violently.

At this reaction Olivia wanted to die. She had definitely fucked this up and was regretting even being born. She almost vowed to never use the internet again. Somehow a friendship bloomed from that awkward first encounter whether it be luck, or a miracle Olivia didn’t know, but she was grateful, nonetheless.