Day 12

“I really enjoyed our time.” Pete said as they stood outside the coffee shop. It was already past six, they had been there for four hours. Derek had a lesson at eight and he wanted to cook dinner for himself so he suggested leaving now. Pete wouldn’t have minded staying there for a bit longer. Thanks to their easy conversation he became more comfortable and confident around Derek. “Do I get a goodbye kiss?” Derek rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You’re really weird, Peter.” “What would be weird about that? A kiss at the end of the first date is almost mandatory.” Derek froze suddenly. He stared at Pete with wide eyes but his expression quickly changed into a deep frown. “Date?” He let out a nervous laugh and then jokingly hit Derek’s arm. “That’s not funny.” “I’m not joking. Did you believe we were on a date?” Pete’s heart stopped. Had he misunderstood something? “But I- I asked you to go out with me.” “I assumed you would like to hang out with me so we can get to know each other as neighbours. For a fresh start.”

Pete felt a little light-headed. “I’m an idiot. I said all these things and you- no wonder you thought I’m being weird.” This was the worst case scenario. Derek didn’t know it was a date. He had no interest in Pete. He might be straight. “You should choose your words more carefully, Hallberg.” Hallberg. The name echoed in his ear. Not Pete, not Peter. Hallberg. “Y-yeah.” He stuttered a reply and when Derek rummaged through his pockets for the cigarette pack Pete flinched away. Derek stopped his movement immediately. “I should leave.” Pete mumbled quietly. His chest was tightening and the air suddenly didn’t contain enough oxygen to breathe for him. He had already embarrassed himself enough in front of Derek. He wouldn’t allow himself to have a panic attack now. Derek was quiet. He had lit his cigarette and began smoking while ignoring Pete’s existence completely. It made his stomach turn. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” He was stumbling through the sentence but Derek still didn’t react. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable and this isn’t some fucked up joke either I just thought-” He stopped and for the first time Derek met his eyes. “You think?” That was the last straw. Pete turned away from Derek and walked as far as his legs took him.

Before reaching the subway station he vanished inside an alley and broke down. His heavy breathing was about to become a panic attack so Pete pulled out his phone and called Melissa. “Hey pal, what’s going on?” “P-purple.” He gasped and hit his chest. Melissa reacted immediately. “Put your phone on speaker and leave it on the ground. Lift both your arms Pete and count to four with me. Can you do that?” He gasped and she took that as a yes. “One, Pete. Say it with me.” “One.” He gasped again but they continued counting. “Four. Good, Pete. Now take a deep breath with me, alright? We’re going to breathe in for four seconds. Now.” She led him through his breathing exercises and waited patiently until he’d calmed down. “What the hell happened Peter? You didn’t have a panic attack in months. Did you mess up the exam?” He shook his head and when he noticed that Melissa wasn’t able to see that he spoke up with his trembling voice. “No, the exam went well. It’s Derek. I was so stupid, Mel. I asked him to go out with me today. I wanted it to be a date but he misunderstood. I said all these things, fuck, I made a Haiku about his beauty and he called me weird. He-” Pete gulped. “When he found out what I thought this hangout was, he ignored me.” “I’m so sorry, Pete. Do you want me to pick you up?” “Please.”