Wednesday: December 15th, 2015

I'd be lying if I said the mood wasn't a little awkward now. Jasper knew a part of me still liked him... or liked him again. And a part of me assumed his feelings were mutual. But so long as they never came out of his mouth, I could continue pretending like they weren't real.

We walked out of Winter Wonderland on the fifteenth day of Christmas with our riddle in hand, unfurling it with our steps. Stepping closer to Jasper, trying my best not to breathe in his oh-so-familiar scent, I let my eyes wander over the paper.

"What?" Jasper exclaimed, eyebrows furrowing.

Reaching over to him, I yanked the riddle from his hand and read and re-read it as I paced the park. Glancing up at him, I said, "I have no clue."

"Christmas tree?" he asked me.

I shrugged. "There'd be so many."

Jasper came up beside me again, shoulder bumping mine, hand gripping the paper, and skin brushing against mine. My throat felt tight and I did everything in my power to not look up at him while he tried to read the riddle again.

"I... I could ask for help," I said softly, finally glancing his way.

"From who?" he replied, gaze meeting mine.

"Jojo and Ria may still be up," I whispered, noticing his eyes were trailing over my face.

"Yeah... okay," he mumbled, gaze fixated on my mouth.

Taking a step away and putting an end to the hold he had on me, I took a picture of the riddle and sent it via our group chat. "I don't know how long they will take."

"Want to... get a drink while we wait?"

"All these trips out are adding up, Jas..."

He shrugged. "The winnings will be more."

"That's if we win."

"Zara doesn't—"

"Old Zara wasn't a quitter. New Zara knows when to admit defeat."

He had nothing to say to that, and thankfully my phone pinged in my pocket, disrupting whatever awkward silence was about to spread between us.

Jojo: That's a hard one.

Ria: Isn't there some song about something falling down?

Jojo: There is?

Me: Ria... I love you.

Jojo: Back off. She's mine.

Me: Thanks both of you!

I put my phone away and glanced up at Jasper, grin on my face.

"Got it?" he asked.

Nodding, I sang, "The London Bridge is falling down... my fair lady."

∘◦ ❈ ◦∘

"Oh what!" the elf gasped as we approached her. "I thought for sure I'd stump you on this one."

"You have to stop being surprised whenever Zara gets it," Jasper replied, taking the entry slip from her hand.

"Zara? Oh that's a lovely name," she said, eyes wondering over me.

"It is, isn't it?" Jasper then said, causing my heart to flip.

"Anyway, see you tomorrow," I said, grabbing Jasper's sleeve and tugging him away. But the moment we were out of the elf's sight, I dropped my hold of him and put ample distance between us.

"Why do you seem mad?" Jasper asked me as we boarded the tube, heading back to my house.

"I... just... Please don't say stuff like that."

"Like what?"

"That my name is nice."

He chuckled and then nudged me with his elbow. "I don't think saying you have a nice name is any way hitting on you, Fish. Besides, all I did was agree."

"Yeah but... it feels different when you do it."

"Should I just be a jerk to you from now on?"

"It might help."

Heaving a sigh, he rested his head against the window of the tube and looked to the ceiling. "I'll try to refrain. But no promises."

"That's all I ask."

"Should we read the entry slip?"

Nodding, I fished it out of my bag and we both peered at it.

∘◦ ❈ ◦∘

We raided the fridge for any food we could turn into our lunch. In the end, I managed to find a ramen packet, a couple of eggs, and some frozen dumplings. Jasper helped me prepare everything before we set it on the table to eat.

"I'm so nervous your dad is going to come home and catch me here," he mumbled as he picked around in his bowl, shoulders tense as he glanced over his shoulder.

"We're just friends. Nothing for him to get mad over." I picked up a dumpling and placed it on top of his noodles. "A dumpling for Dumpling," I smirked.

"Fish... don't call me that."

"Don't call me Fish, Dumpling," I countered, meeting his narrowing gaze.

"But that's your name!"

"Fischer is my name."

"It's close enough."

"It's really not."

He shoved a chopstick load of noodles into his mouth as he said, "I'm going to keep calling you Fish."

"Firstly, don't you dare. Secondly, didn't your mother ever tell you to not talk with a mouth full of food?"

The amusement on his face disappeared in an instant as he swallowed his food. Gaze turning to his bowl, he stirred his chopsticks around again, taking smaller bites this time.

"What did I say?" I asked after a while had passed.

"Nothing," he mumbled.

"Jas?"

But then he got up. "I'm full. I'm going to wash my dishes and head home until the competition."

I watched him do just that from my seat, jaw slack in shock as he tidied his things up and left me, sitting alone in the kitchen, wondering what on earth I said to trigger him this time.

∘◦ ❈ ◦∘

He arrived at Hyde Park, a little late this time, but when our gazes locked across the way, he gave me a smile. Yet as he got closer, I noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Unable to help myself, I rushed to him, closing the distance as I threw my arms around him. "I'm sorry," I mumbled into his chest as he froze. But eventually his arms wove around me, pulling me close.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Obviously it's something. You just up and left..."

"I... I forgot I had something important."

Pulling back from him, I stared up into his onyx eyes, searching for his dishonesty. Again, I saw sadness seeping through them. What burden is he carrying in his heart that he won't tell me about? I wondered.

But the longer I looked at him, the more the pain began to disappear from his eyes. Then one of his hands moved away from my back and up to my face, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.

Face flushing and realising what I had done, I jumped out of his grip and put some distance between us. "Sorry," I mumbled.

He shook his head. "It's fine, Fish," he replied, smiling a little more warmly this time. Extending his hand, he held it out to me. "We better act like a couple before we walk in there," he said, winking at me.

With a fluttery heart, I wove my fingers through his and I let him lead me into Winter Wonderland.

∘◦ ❈ ◦∘

We took off our jackets, placing them on the chair by the stage before we headed up. My stomach was flipping at the thought of all the eyes staring at us, knowing we were about to dance in front of all these people. But with Jasper's hand in mine, I felt a little calmer.

Fake Santa went through all the rules—freeze when the music stops, dance in a way fitting to the music, and always be touching your partner—then next we were all finding our own spot on the stage.

The first song that started was upbeat, meaning Jas was pulling out all sorts of ridiculous twists and boogie moves, rousing endless laughter from me.

When his eyes lit up, a large grin taking hold of his face to watch me enjoying myself. And my heart began to throb at the idea that soon this would end.

We were at day seven of the competition. When it was over, would he still want to see me?

And after that, would every exchange we have be through a like on a new profile picture or a comment on status update?

This past week gave me a blissful reminder of what it used to be like to have someone as close to me as Jas. And again, just like four years ago, it would all be ripped away because of my parents. Because dad had his new family here where I wasn't welcome to stay. Because mum couldn't stand being close to him and moved to the other side of the world.

The one person who ever got me was the guy spinning me in circles right now. And I was about to lose him all over again.

I was terrified of the emotions to come with that. Losing Rowan hurt, but no pain was ever worse than losing my best friend.

The music stopped and Jas caught me mid-spin, helping me freeze. Stock still, I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, and his proximity caused the hairs on my neck to stand up. But finally the music resumed and we were dancing once more. It paused and played several times, but no one was out yet.

Then the music shifted to a slower number. Jasper's hands released mine, now moving to my waist as he pulled me closer. And I wove my arms around his neck, doing my best to focus on his neck and not his eyes that I could feel burning into my face.

"I don't want to go back," I found myself whispering.

The music stopped, and I glanced up at Jas. As still as he could be, I watched his brows furrow in response. When the music resumed, he said, "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to go back to my mum."

"You want to stay here?"

I nodded.

"But you hate your dad's new family."

"Maybe... But I think I could deal with them if you were by my side." The music stopped once more, and I saw the pity begin to cloud Jasper's eyes.

My heart dropped and I looked away. We began dancing once more to the music, and Jasper whispered, "You were right yesterday, Zar. We need to just be friends."

Nodding, I rested my head against his shoulder, unable to look at him anymore. His hands wove more tightly around me as we swayed and paused to the stop and start of the music.

Finally, fifteen minutes into it, another couple stumbled at a pause. Then the competition was over for today.

I immediately untangled myself from his hold and headed over to the elves distributing the entry passes. Handing one to Jasper, I bid him goodbye without ever meeting his eyes, and took off out of Winter Wonderland and Hyde Park alone.

____

Tomorrow's riddle: