Alistair

I am scared of my own shadow.

Momma has always told me how dangerous my heat is. And how easily I could end up with an unwanted pup if I slipped up for one second.

In the back of my mind, I always thought she was exaggerating a little. It can't be that powerful.

But after my morning with Tristan and worst of all my incident with those guys, I'm wide awake.

I ain't sleeping on this bitch! Neither is momma, for that matter. She keeps me close the whole day and at night I sleep with Mark and Laura inside the house.

No tent for me until my season passes. No wandering off the camp at all. And no alone activity, especially not with any male.

Sarah kept the tea coming and momma slept with an eye open for me. Though she didn't sleep inside the house tonight.

Pappa said he needed her. For the last few days, she has been sleeping in a separate tent with him.

In fact, all couples have been sleeping in separate tents lately. This heat really does affect everyone around me. Damn...

"Good morning, Ali. Did you sleep well?" - Momma greeted me, entering the house in the early morning. She looked like she was asleep.

"Morning, momma. Yes, I did. I slept with the angels." - I said with a smile, referencing my baby siblings, who yawn at the crack of dawn.

"Good. Now, let's get up and start the day." - She demanded, as we had a lot to do today.

Breakfast, for starters. But also, tonight is Sarah's daughter's consecration to the Moon. That means it's her first time shifting into a wolf.

"Happy full moon, Bella." - Sarah greeted her oldest daughter, cheerfully.

"Thanks, momma. Is it going to hurt?" - She asked her mom, knowing full well what's on for her tonight. Though she looked frightened.

"Yes, Bella. I can't lie, it'll hurt like hell." - She replied, more honestly than the child required. Poor little girl, I remember well my first time shifting into a wolf. I thought I was gonna die from the transformation.

"But it'll be fine once you get used to it. You'll see." - She reassured her in a comforting tone, much to her daughter's relief.

There's no turning back now. She has to face this. And mother nature waits for no one.

We all help with the cooking and tidying up the house, plus I watch my siblings as momma serves the food with the other women.

Since I can't exactly be around men right now, I help around the house for the day. I'd offer to fetch some water, but that's not happening until my heat is gone. Goddess protects me.

Sarah gives me another cup of her tea, which is the only thing keeping my heat in check apparently.

We take our seats for breakfast as we greet the rest of the people who got out of the tents. Tristan gives me a sideways glance and I can tell he misses me, though at this point he desires me more. And he's not alone in this.

I can't wait for this heat to be over, honestly. It's taken any fun I had of my sexuality - and control, which makes me wary.

I don't like enticing anyone except maybe Tristan, but on my own terms. And I absolutely hate having no say in the matter.

"Are you excited for tonight, Bella?" - Elodie asks her in a chipper tone.

"No!" - She pouted, not feeling the vibe.

"It'll be alright, Bella. You'll see. Everyone goes through the exact same thing." - She tried to reassure her with a pleasant smile.

Poor Bella is not convinced at all. She is dreading the impending transformation as I can literally smell her fear. Another thing she'll be able to do once she shifts into wolf.

After we finish breakfast, I help clear the table.

"I'm sorry you can't sleep in the tent for now. I know you miss being with us." - Christian said with a modest smile.

I was surprised by his comment, but I can feel a metaphor of sorts in his words.

"Thanks, Chris. I really do. You have no idea how badly I wished I could join you and help along the building. Plus, I miss going to the river with you both." - I said with a sorrowed expression.

I do miss it. You'd think I'd be glad not to walk an hour to get water, but I'm used to it. We never had it easy growing up. And we can't camp near the river as I've already explained.

"It'll pass soon and we'll be back together in no time." - He comforted me with a soothing smile.

After the men go along with Joe, I go with Sarah and the kids to study. We sure do need an education. Goddess only knows what's in store for us later in life.

I have to power through the longing looks I get from Tristan and sometimes even Christian. Since we're being monitored by Sarah and we don't sit next to each other, it's okay to be close enough.

I hate feeling radioactive. But I would hate even more to risk getting seeded by someone.

Gosh! Why can't things be a little easier for me? Why does my body have to conspire against me like that? Really, I just wished I was a "normal" werewolf like everyone else.

I wonder how the women avoid getting pregnant if their partners are always seeding them, not that I'm gonna ask any of them that.

Maybe Sarah has a tea for that situation as well.

"Ali, pay attention!" - Momma snapped me out of my thoughts with an angry tone.

I'm cooking dinner and have to keep on stirring the pot. We cook on a stove fueled by wood and if you sleep on it, the food will go bad.

And nothing can go wrong today for Bella's consecration. I remember mine like it was yesterday. I was 13 years old, it was summer.

"Ali, switch with me!" - Momma demanded, losing her patience with me. She took over the wood stove and dispatched me from her sight.

Though she's loving, she isn't a very patient teacher. Which is why I'm glad Sarah is the one who educates us. She's an angel and so nurturing.

I take a broom and do some sweeping around the house. With all the feet stepping in and out of it, it's impossible to keep it clean. And we don't have water to spare to wash it. We use the children's bath water to clean the house.

Nothing is wasted when the resources are limited. Especially water with these many mouths to feed. Speaking of which...

"Billy, take Tris and Chris and go fetch water before it gets dark." - Momma yelled to the boys working outside.

I don't know why she screams, we have an acute sense of hearing. Moms, am I right?

"Really? Now? We're working here!" - Pappa complained, grunting next to the men setting up the new house.

"And what do you think I'm doing? Taking a nap? Go now before it gets dark!" - Momma stepped outside of the house to glare at him, who shifted his weight uncomfortably.

He turned to glare daggers at me, quietly sweeping and having absolutely nothing to do with this. It's not my fault I can't go.

I would if I could.

"Boy, come with me." - He ordered and I stopped doing what I was doing to do as told.

Momma walked in front of me and got in my way. She is now deathly staring at pappa.

"What part of take the boys and go fetch water didn't you understand? Are you hard of hearing?" - She spoke through gritted teeth, fuming in anger.

"He can walk by my side. It's no danger." - Pappa argued, staring her down.

This is so uncomfortable. I hate these silly fights over me.

"My son ain't stepping one foot out of my sight until his season passes. Now, if you could kindly go now before Bella's consecration starts, I'd be much appreciated." - She used every muscle in her jaw to muster a fake smile.

Pappa wasn't very convinced by this. But if he knows his partner after this many moons together is that I'm pretty sure she's not letting me go whatsoever.

Especially after what happened to us mere days ago.

"You cuddle him too much." - He muttered under his breath, glaring at her.

"When you put three on the ground defending your pup, you come talk to me. Until then, do as you're told before I make it four." - Momma jabbed at him, eyes glowing in rage.

All of us listening to this discussion are mortified by the uncomfortableness. Tristan and Christian are almost red from secondhand embarrassment.

Pappa grabbed a few buckets before walking out of camp with the boys, who had buckets of their own to fill.

"Ali, please clean and change your siblings before dinner." - She turned to me as she said that, feeling tired. I can tell this constant fighting with pappa is taxing on her.

He should be more supportive of momma, it's not like any of us are idle while he's working. The only idle hands here belong to the little kids, who only study and play.

The rest of the women are always cooking, cleaning and mending clothes or doing house work. Whoever said it doesn't take a lot of work to raise a family is a fucker without a mother.

Tonight is the first full moon after Bella's 12th birthday. Tonight she becomes a werewolf, unless she's one of those girls who only shifts at 13. It happens sometimes, or so I'm told.

Boys like me, Chris or Tristan all shifted at 13. Elodie did at 12. Girls mature earlier than boys apparently.

We're all at the dining table, having a special meal in her honor. It's a joyous occasion in a young wolf's life. It's their coming out party, if you will.

And you never forget your first time.

"I wanna thank you all for sharing this special time in my daughter Bella's life. Tonight she'll be consecrated to the Moon Goddess, who will reveal her wolf skin to us." - Sarah stated, raising a cup.

Per the occasion, Sarah had the men purchase a special meat and several beverages for the adults, along with something called coke and soda for the kids.

I freaking loved this. I wish Sarah always bought us beverages. I love celebrations. She did the same at Bella's birthday a few weeks ago.

"To Bella." - Joe said, raising his cup as well. We all cheered for her and drank in her honor.

Though she is scared of the upcoming transformation, right now Bella couldn't be happier. She's relishing on all the attention and appreciation of her first full moon as a werewolf.

As a pup, we get to witness our parents shift at some point to get us used to their second skin. It's a right of passage to all of us who are raised by wolves.

Unfortunately, since I didn't have a father to do it for me, momma did it. That is until pappa appeared in our lives.

I must've been 7 or 8 when he joined us and though it took some warming up, he eventually showed me his wolf form too and explained the male perspective of the transformation.

It was basically the same as momma had already done, but she was glad I had a male to bond other than José or Gabriel, who already had pups of their own.

I look back at these memories fondly. It was simpler times, before even pappa got pups of his own and started treating me differently.

Though the change was subtle, I noticed it. Kids tend to notice these kinds of things easier than adults give us credit.

Not that I complained to momma about it. If she's happy then I'm happy. Plus, I don't want her to lose another partner. Especially not because of me like my real pappa.

After dinner, we clear the table and get everything ready. A bonfire is set near the house but not enough that it could risk burning it.

Though not close enough to the trees to risk the fire spreading and destroy our home, our livelihood.

We just used it to keep us warm and wait for her transformation to begin.

"Bella, momma loves you no matter what. Remember to breathe through the process. The pain will cease once the transformation completes." - Sarah lectured her very frightened looking daughter.

She clung to her momma, shaking like a leaf. Sarah hugged her for a minute. Tristan gets cozy next to me, but not so close we'd be in danger of heating up.

"Do you remember your first shift?" - He asked, grinning at me.

"I remember being so jealous of you because you shifted before me. I wanted to be able to do it too." - I replied, reliving the memory. He's older than me and Chris, so he was the first of us to do it.

Tristan laughed at this.

"I was jealous of you too. I wanted to shift as well when you did, Ali." - Chris interjected, sat next to his sister and parents.

We all laugh at our silliness. Now, we have shifted together so often that it all seems so trivial. Though I really was very jealous in the beginning, especially of his father and son running as wolves - which I (still) never had.

I pour myself some more of that coke, hearing Bella complain of feeling too hot. Poor girl, you have no idea of how hot it'll get. Just be glad you're not an omega too.

"Momma, I'm not feeling so good." - Bella whined, sliding her hand against a sweaty forehead.

Her clothes are drenched in sweat. She's wearing a simple shirt and pants two sizes too small for her. Her clothes are so tight, molding on her body like a second skin.

It's no use wearing nice clothes if your wolf is just gonna tear them apart.

An all familiar scream was heard by everyone coming out of Bella's lips. Her eyes become golden as the moon appears in its peak.

"Momma!" - She screamed to Sarah, powerless in what's to come. There's no protection from it, nothing anyone can do about it. Only she can withstand it.

"Breathe, Bella. Breathe!" - Sarah exclaimed in a desperate tone.

Bella screams again, this time falling to the ground, eyes panicking. We all bear witness to this event, the same as it happened to every single one of us, except for the younger ones.

Bella's loud scream announces the beginning of her shift. Her back arched as the bones began to break in almost every part of her body.

Her pain is almost unbearable. The screaming is deafening as we see her entire figure shift, fur emerges from every pore of her skin.

Her nose stretches into a snout, her fingers turn into paws, all the fabric that covers her little body is torn apart, giving way to a fuzzy small wolf with a beautiful crimson like fur.

I have never seen a fur so close to red like this. I think she's something truly exquisite.

Bella's wolf looks disoriented for a minute, then it looks at the moon and howls at it.

"Moon Goddess, meet your newest daughter: Isabella Giordano. Please share your blessings with her." - Sarah raised both her arms in ode to the Moon.

Then, she started shifting. Eyes glowing in golden yellow, her back arched, forcing her to stay in all fours on the ground. Some five minutes later, there she is in wolf form to guide her daughter.

After this, the rest of the people started shifting as well. Momma, pappa, Joe, Gabriel, Elodie, Christian, Tristan and their mothers.

They all went on a run, empowered by the full moon, to accompany Bella. I got stuck watching the kids who don't shift yet.

Someone had to. And given my situation, I was the natural choice. Can't wait for things to be normal again and for me to be prancing to the moonlight too.

A|N: Oh Ali, don't look at me like that. *swoons*

OFF: I remember watching the season of AGT when she won. What a talent!

And I've literally discovered this song to name the chapter.

Love,

Léo.