POV: Darleen

Ever look back on your life and wonder how the hell you got into this situation? Like really, how did I get here?

"This is grounds for expulsion Ms. Grayson." The dean said.

"I told you, it wasn't mine."

"Then who's?"

"I'm not going to snitch," I get defensive.

"Then you can kiss your scholarship, your internship, and your diploma goodbye."

"Wait..."

People surprise you. You never really realize just what exactly people are capable of. You think you know someone. You think you trust someone. You would die for that person. But would they die for you?

What if none of it is worth it?

What if she's not worth it?

"Well?"

"It's... my girlfriends." I look down in shame.

There was a moment of silence.

"Please don't expel her, please. She was doing so good, it's just a slip. I can help her." I plead.

He sighs.

"Please."

"Darleen, I'm going to tell you something I wish someone told me when I was your age."

"What?"

"Don't back the wrong horse."

"No, she—"

"If you keep putting yourself on the line for her you'll end up in a worse place than where she is. When is enough, enough? You can try and change someone all you want but if they don't want to change then you are just wasting your effort. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Please, just give her a chance. She's been to rehab; she's done the classes. It was just a mistake. Don't do this, please."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me with your full heart she won't do this again."

When I look him in the eyes, I see myself staring back at me.

How did I get here?

Why have I let it get this bad?

Why do people do stupid things for love?

Lexi, she's everything to me. I love her maybe even more than I've loved any girl before her. She's come so far from that broken girl I first met. She's really pulled herself together. Or so I thought.

What if it was all an act?

"She won't, I won't let her," I say sternly.

He sighs and shakes his head.

"Don't ruin her life, if you do this, she might just go back to all that she was before. Please. I can handle this."

"Do you honestly believe that?"

"Yes," I say.

He sighs in defeat.

"Okay, fine. I'll sweep this under the rug. But you can expect more drug tests and searches. I'll give her two months to clean up her act. If she's not clean by then, she's out of here. Am I clear?"

"Yes sir." I get up to leave.

"And Darleen,"

"Sir?"

"Try not to take your girlfriend's bag to school anymore."

"Yes sir, and... thank you."

"Don't make me regret it."

I nod before leaving.

When I get home Lexi is waiting for me, pacing the apartment.

"Darleen I am so sorry, I didn't know—"

"Save it. You promised me. You looked me in the eyes and promised!" I shout.

She looks down in shame.

"Was it all a lie?"

"No! I was clean, I was!"

"Why didn't you tell me!?"

"Because! I didn't want to disappoint you," she sobs.

"I put everything on the line for you! Everything! If you don't get clean that is it for both of us do you hear me?"

"I will, I promise."

"You know how this makes me look? My coach found drugs in my bag. She'll never look at me the same. Never! I've lost her respect."

"I said I was sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Lexi. I trusted you, I believed in you, and this is how you repay me?"

"You know what fuck you! I don't need to hear this, I have enough shit to deal with okay. So you can go fuck yourself."

"Well fuck you too!"

"I hate you!" she ran to her room and slammed the door.

"Damn it!" I smack a vase across the room and kick over a chair.

How did I get here?

I slide down the wall and flop on the floor, bringing my knees to my chest and resting my head on them.

It used to be so easy back then. Just me and my friends. Where did it all go wrong?

That summer of senior year, the last summer with my friends. I was dating Aphrodite at the time. Lexi came down to visit for a month. Aphrodite had just told me she was going away to England for college, I was devastated.

I was so pissed off that I just lost it.

I went wild.

I did whatever the hell I wanted.

Lexi was a bad influence. She let me go out to parties and get drunk even though we were both underage. She let me get a tattoo when I was drunk. She kissed me knowing I was in a relationship.

I kissed her back.

Looking back that is the moment, that moment I kissed her back. That is where I made my mistake. That is where it all got fucked. I began cheating on Aphrodite, I didn't even feel guilty for doing it.

God, I can remember Skylar catching me, her face of disappointment. She yelled at me and made me feel like a piece of shit. What if I am one? After that I came clean to Aphrodite and as predicted she broke up with me, but not before I broke her heart.

I'll always hate myself for making her cry like that.

Of course, if I was going to be with Lexi for real things were going to have to change. So she made the effort to get better for me, to be worth my time. I made the effort to grow up and stop being a stupid kid.

We both got into Stanford and moved into an apartment together.

She got clean and got serious about her schoolwork.

I got the short end of the stick.

Fooled.

I'm so stupid.

I can still hear Skylar's words, see the look on her face as she asked me if this was what I really wanted?

Was it?

At the time I had been so sure.

What if I was wrong?

What if Skylar was right?

What if this was a mistake?

The sound of loud retching draws my attention and I sigh.

It's been more than 24 hours since her last use.

I get up and grab some water, and a few towels before going into her room. she's in her bathroom, slung over the toilet. I sit next to her and pull back her long dark hair. She's already shaking from the chills.

"I need it," she whimpers.

"Well it's gone, I'm sorry."

She vomits in the toilet some more.

I sigh and rub her back handing her a towel and a water bottle.

I know these next few days are going to be the hardest. Harder for her than for me, but that is the price she must pay. Addiction comes at a great cost.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a screw-up. I'm so sorry." She sobs as tears stream down her face.

"Shh, it's okay." I rub her back.

"I don't hate you, I love you. I do."

"I know you do. It's okay. We are going to get through this. We did it once before, we can do it again. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry," her body shakes as she cries.

I sigh and pull her into my arms, using another towel to wipe up some of her sweat. I open the water bottle for her and help her drink it by putting it to her lips.

"We're going to get through this, I'm not giving up on you." I nuzzle my head into her back.

"Why? Can't you see I'm a lost cause," she cries.

"You're not. I love you and though you may not see it you have a lot of redeeming qualities. We can get through this Lexi. Promise. You just have to stay strong."

With that, she jerks forward and vomits again.

It's going to be a long night.