“Look at me dad!” I said with excitement while I wore my father’s crown, secretly hoping he is proud of the person everyone believes I am. If you ask almost anyone who I am, they will confidently tell you that I am Prince Mallow Burns, the Crown Prince of Votara. While that’s what people will tell you, it’s all pretend. I am transgender, but only one person knows, and that is my best friend, Damion Lewis. I’ve been friends with Damion ever since I was little, and he really helped me out when I was figuring out my gender. 

At first, I didn’t want to believe that I could be trans because I didn’t want to change how things were. I didn’t want to disappoint my father because I can’t be his “perfect little boy.” I tried to change myself, a lot. I thought that if I played with more toy cars, or if I did more “boyish” things, I would be a boy. Spoiler alert, it didn’t work. Dame helped me out a lot when I tried to make myself believe I could change. When I pointed out my flaws, he pointed out my perfections. I can tell he doesn’t totally understand the transgender part, but he supports me, and he keeps it a secret for me, and that is all that I could ever ask for.

I am now 17, and I am reaching the age where I need to find a princess to marry before I can overtake the throne. While it may seem weird, I’m not totally against marrying a girl, even though I’m a girl. I turn 18 in a couple of months and my parents have approved three princesses for me to meet and decide if I want to marry them. I have been putting these meetings off for a long time, but now I have to go on a date with each of them and make my decision soon.

The first date rolled around with Princess Julia Winsor. She is beautiful, a perfect princess, and she has an amazing personality. The date wasn’t bad per say, but there was no spark, and the conversations were really awkward. Most of them were along the lines of:

“So, what are some things you have to do as a prince?” she asked. I was confused by the question as she has a brother who does the same things I do, but I brushed if off as an attempt at small talk.

“Well, I have to meet with reporters sometimes. They like to know my every move, you know,” I chuckled lightly to ease the tension. News flash, it didn’t work. 

Once the date finally ended, I went home, and my parents were waiting for me in the family room. They greeted me as I walked in, and I couldn’t even respond before they asked how the date went. I told them it was okay, but I couldn’t marry Princess Julia. 

The following week, I have my next date, Princess Jennifer Williams. She wasn’t as awkward as Princess Julia, but there was still no spark. The conversations were more engaging though, and, surprisingly, new questions!

She asked me, “Do you have any siblings?” I was caught off guard for a moment because no one has ever asked about my family, but then again, it’s not an unreasonable question because no one asks about my family.

“Oh, um, no I don’t, but I do have a best friend who is just like a brother to me,” I reply, an uncontrollable smile on my face as I think of Damion. 

“That’s cool! I have a younger sister, and she is so cute!” Princess Julia seems so ecstatic when she talks about her family. 

“It seems nice to have a sibling. I have always wondered what it would be like if I had an actual sibling. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so lonely at times.” I immediately stop talking when I realize her face is one of pity. I had changed the subject and we talked for a little longer before going home.

Just as the week before, my parents were waiting for me to get home from my date. Instead of greeting me, as they had the prior week, they asked how the date went. I responded the same way, telling them that Princess Julia was nice, but I can’t marry her either. Upon hearing what I said, my parents looked at each other with a shared expression, as if they were losing hope.

The next week comes around and I’m getting ready for my third, and final date. I’m hoping this one works out because I am running out of options. I decided that the final date was going to be at a different restaurant than the first two, so I arrived early to look over the menu. After about 10 minutes, I saw her walk towards me, and I stood up.

“Hi, I’m Prince Mallow Burns,” I introduced myself for the third time. Normally, people respond saying they know who I am, but she was different.

“Hi, I’m Royal Lexia Fuller,” she introduced herself, shaking my hand. Her voice sounded as soft as a feather. 

“Royal?” I asked, not trying to mask my confusion. 

“Yeah, I’m non-binary,” she answered with a smile.

“So, what are your pronouns?” I remember reading about this when I was trying to learn about being trans, but I’ve never met someone who is non-binary.

“My pronouns are they/them, but other people who identify as non-binary may have different preferences.” They paused for a moment before adding, “I hope that doesn’t bother you.” Their face looks as if they already accepted rejection. 

“I don’t mind it,” I assured them with a warm smile. I saw their eyes light up with the excitement of a child on Christmas day, and I had butterflies. I felt a connection of some sort. I can’t explain it. All I know is that I haven’t felt like this for anyone else. In that moment, I believed that Royal Lexia could be the one. This novel feeling distracted me from all of the obstacles that stand between me and a relationship.

I enjoyed this date more than I have enjoyed any date I have ever been on. We ended up talking for hours, and I got to know them, really well. The time had flown by, and we finally left when the employees were basically kicking us out. It felt so nice to be with Lexia. We were saying goodbye when a silence fell upon up. It was comfortable and we stood there for just a moment, but that moment felt like a lifetime. Lexia’s eyes were mesmerizing, the jade green color staring back at me. It felt as if nothing mattered but us, as if the entire world had paused just for us. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s the only way to express this incredible feeling. That is the moment I am reminded of the obstacles I would have to overcome to be in a committed relationship. In that moment, I broke eye contact, and we both looked away. We said our goodbyes and parted ways, but I thought of Lexia the whole way home.

When I got home, I saw my parents asleep on the couch. I can tell they were waiting for me, but I can’t tell them how the date went, I still had too much on my mind. When I got to my room, I tried to get sleep, but it was not working out very well. MY thoughts were occupied by Lexia. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t ignore these feelings, especially when my every second has been spent thinking of them.

The worst part of the whole this is that I finally found someone I like, but they only know who I pretend to be. I can’t talk to my parents about this because that would involve coming out, and I am not ready for that. There is only one person I can think of: Damion. I grabbed my phone and quickly texted him.

"DAMION! SOS! CALL WHEN YOU CAN!" and I sent it. Damion has always taken his sweet time when texting back, especially when I need help. That's why I was surprised when he messaged back a minute later. 

"Molly. It is 12 in the morning. What could you possibly need? Also, I'm not calling you." Whoops. I didn't realize the time, but that doesn't matter, I am in serious trouble. 

"First off, sorry about the time. Secondly, you know how I'm turning 18 soon so I have to find a princess to marry?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I went on a date today and I met the most amazing person, and I enjoyed the date SO MUCH!"

"Ok? I still don't know the problem. You had a good time, that's good." UGH! I know it's late, but does he really not understand? 

"The problem is that I enjoyed it! They think I'm a prince, not a princess! And I can’t stop thinking about them! What do I do?!"

"Why don't you just talk to them about it? Aren't they the final person your parents chose for you to marry?"

"Yeah, they are, but how do I just talk to them about it? It took more than a year for me to tell you. And you're the only one who knows!"

"Well, that's the only advice I have right now. Maybe if you didn't wake me up in the middle of the night it would have been better. I am tired and I have the chance to go to sleep so good night."

"Ugh! That's no help but good night I guess." I just realized that for a couple of minutes, my thoughts weren't all about them! Just as fast as the thoughts left, they came back. I'm never going to be able to fall asleep like this!

It took hours, but I finally fell asleep. When I woke up though, I realized that my dreams were fueled by Lexia. I didn't want this to happen, but they are constantly on my mind. I decided to get breakfast to try to get my mind off of them. My parents have a meeting today so I shouldn't have to worry about running into them for a few hours. As I walk into the kitchen, I see my parents talking about who knows what. When they saw me, they stopped talking, and asked me the dreaded question.

"So... how was the date?" my mom asked me.

"It went .... uh, really well," I said trying to end the conversation.

"I'm glad you liked them," my dad chimed in.

In an attempt to change the subject, I ask, "So, didn't you guys have a meeting for today?"

"We did, but we had to reschedule because we have an event to go to. There are a couple hours before we leave so you should start getting ready," my mom informed me.

"Okay," I said. This event was perfect! It gives me a distraction from Lexia for the night, or at least until the event is over. Maybe I'll bring Dame too.