Their assignments got moved around once again. This usually happened every three hops or so, and you could request to be left out of the rotation if you really enjoyed your assignment or just needed some stability in your life. Devon didn’t mind doing something new. Bartending was not a bad spot but it was lonely. He felt like he was burying himself too deep in his own head when he didn’t have someone to casually share his thoughts with. He has been missing a cabin mate for half a year now, ever since Leo moved in with Mikaya, and then both of them quit to join a small stamped collective on Bagathon 2. So he didn’t even have anyone to chat to before sleep or as a first thing in the morning.

Between Kashi-Sulak, Antio, and Tiktik, Devon would be a waiter in the casino on the fifth deck. It was a smaller parlour mostly with card games so the kind of visitor you would expect to see was lonely and either financially stable or just curious about the games of chance and ready to spend their free token on something. The croupiers were a more permanent position and required you to learn at least 200 different rules for cards, dice, chip, and social stealth games. Devon considered doing so at one point but soon realised he kinda hated gambling at the core; waiting at the casino didn’t bother him much, because he was not directly involved with games of chance. 

The second waiter he shared a shift with was Sharifa. At first, Devon felt very annoyed. Seeing her every day for the next couple of months felt like a cruel joke. However, her being next to him meant she wasn’t next to Shiloh. This somewhat balanced their chances.

Also Sharifa wasn’t that bad of a person.

When Devon was still new, Sharifa made sure to regularly meet with him despite them not sharing a shift. She would take him on walks around the ship, introduce him to other stewards, and share knowledge about other prominent crew who they would have no chance of interacting directly with. They were indeed quite close at the time. Then something happened, and Devon was still unsure what exactly, but Sharifa distanced herself from many others, not just him. She didn’t share what it was, but something had happened, and for a year or so she was quite reclusive. Luckily, by that time, Devon made enough acquaintances and even a couple of friends.

As Sharifa returned to being socially active, they’ve never reconnected again in the same way: the shift difference played its role. Until Shiloh joined the crew and it got messy. 

They were close to their shift end, so Devon was emptying the washing box and sorting the glasses into proper trays for the next shift. Sharifa was still delivering drinks for those who ordered them with interfaces. The main game of cards at the central table wrapped up and the remaining players just mingled now. Other tables were empty, including the corner one where today Andrade had spent at least four hours on his own, sorting through the deck of cards and occasionally writing something on his interface before finally leaving unsteadily. Sharifa whispered that he seemed to be on some kind of chem, which was probably the least chaotic thing he could do in his free time. If the Chief Pilot got drunk and aggressive, Devon had no idea what they could do to subdue him.

Sharifa returned to their station with a tray full of empty glasses and groaned as she folded forward in an attempt to ease tension from her back. “I’m so ready to go to bed. I should rethink when I’m taking my rest period.”

Devon took the glasses and put them into the washing box: they will be clean after the shift change. He started cleaning the surfaces with antibacterial light. “Fine with me. More chances for me to spend time with Shiloh in peace.”

She looked up at him with an expression he had trouble parsing. It wasn’t annoyed; maybe worried? She straightened and walked around the station to prepare the recycling crate. “Taking care of your own well-being is more important than an imagined competition over the heart of a pretty woman.”

Devon pouted and glared at her. “What’s imagined about it? You’ve been desperate enough to change shifts.”

“Have you ever considered there may be more than one reason for why people change their lives?” Sharifa sounded ironic. There was this pitying smile on her face again and he hated it.

“Sure. This one is obviously a big part of it. The part that concerns me, and not in a good way.”

Sharifa rolled her eyes and closed the lid of the crate with a loud click. “I should stop being surprised with how dumb you are sometimes. I guess, I just believe in the best of people.”

Devon flushed with anger and hated himself for doing so. Why did he let her get under his skin so easily? “And calling others dumb is such a smart way to act, of course. Unless, it’s the only way you can imagine of how to win-”

“There’s no competition, Devon!”

They didn’t have a chance to finish the argument because their shift change had arrived. It took them around ten minutes to wrap up and sign out, then they stepped out of the casino together. Devon took a deep breath to continue the argument when he spotted Shiloh running towards them down the corridor with a wide smile on her face.

She was so beautiful. He couldn’t help but admire the way her hair bounced as she moved, the springy curls kept falling to her cheeks and then rolling back. The small rhinestones lined her right eyebrow matching the ones on the rim of her left ear. When she smiled, the crease of her eyes changed and it made Devon’s insides flutter. He realised he was staring, when she approached them and wrapped her hands around Sharifa’s arm and nuzzled into her shoulder.

Wait, what?

Devon felt something starting to crumble inside him as Shiloh looked between him and Sharifa and whispered to her. “Did you tell him?”

Sharifa managed a tender smile. “Not yet, it’s been a busy shift…” She looked at him and seemed almost… guilty? Apologising? It was so sincere, he felt like his knees were about to buckle.

Shiloh grinned widely at Devon, pressed her cheek to Sharifa’s shoulder and loudly proclaimed. “Yesterday, I asked Sharifa out and now we are dating!”

He needed to leave. Whatever was rising inside him, he didn’t want to experience it in public, especially in front of the two of them. When exactly has he disconnected from reality? Did he deliberately ignore some obvious signs? What was he supposed to do now?

Devon managed a smile, which even he could feel was fake, and croaked. “Oh, I’m so happy for you. I… I am in a hurry, sorry.”

And he fled from under Sharifa’s gaze.

He found a hiding spot in the engineering room on the crew deck. Devon knew the access code because he once helped Sveta, one of the engineers, to clean the mess she accidentally made there (it involved a food container and a cracked plastic bottle of simulated juice) and hoped no one else would find out about it. Apparently, they didn’t change the codes often enough. It was a small square space close to the cockpit lift pod with two engineering stations and several data screens. Devon had no idea what any of this was for.

He sat in the corner with his forehead pressed to the knees. He felt stupid and humiliated because he clearly missed some important signs in the last three months. He made himself believe Shiloh was interested in him in more than a friendly way. Why did he ever believe he was worth anything? The misplaced confidence was a stupid mistake. He shouldn’t have believed anyone could be into him when no one was before. Being among other stamped didn’t mean they would be interested in dating him. No one would think he was something other than a weirdo. A short pretender of a man with stupid hair and an ugly face.

He wasn’t sure how long he wallowed in self-hatred but judging by the setting fatigue it’s been hours. He looked up at the dark frame of the door as he heard a group of people pass it chatting loudly. Did another shift change happen already? Fuck. He had to get some sleep and then somehow face Sharifa at the casino. Stupid ship, he was stuck on it and couldn’t even quit his job until they docked at Kashi-Sulak. 

Devon had to return to his cabin. Small steps. Sleep it over, get a breakfast, and he would feel better. He continued sitting in the corner and hugging his knees. If he stepped outside, someone would see him. His cabin was on the far side of the deck and he would pass both Sharifa’s and Shiloh’s door. What if he sees one of them leaving the other? Just thinking of that made him feel sick.

Okay, this was silly. They both had to already be asleep (maybe together. Fuck.) because he was the one who stayed up for too long. He would meet no one but the third shift crew who were returning to their rooms right about now. Maybe a late first shift steward who made equally poor life choices.

Devon gritted his teeth and got up with an angry groan. He walked out of the engineering room and right into someone in a pilot uniform.

“Shi- I’m sorry, I was looking at my interface!” Rin managed to keep his balance and grabbed him by the shoulders to keep him steady. “Oh, Devon. What were you doing here-” He stopped and frowned. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Devon must have looked horrible, he cried and pulled on his hair and didn’t even think to check his reflection. To be fair, Rin looked somewhat messy too; maybe not an absolute disaster but clearly stressed from work. Being a pilot was probably hard; though you could sit down through all of it, so maybe not that hard.

“I’m… Okay, I’m not fine, but nothing you should worry about. Returning to my cabin now.” Devon managed a pained smile and immediately dropped it. He couldn’t master it.

Rin frowned more, still keeping one hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure? Anything I could help with? Bring this to someone’s attention?”

Oh, he assumed the worst. This was… touching. Devon shook his head and sighed heavily. “No, no, nothing happened to me. Just… received some crappy news and had trouble dealing with it. Thanks for offering though.”

He started walking down the corridor and Rin followed him. Well, of course, they both lived on this deck.

“Let me just say that if you ever need anyone to listen, I’m all ears.” Rin said softly then smiled. “I’ve been having a lot of practice living with Mikey.”

Devon snorted and then burst into tears again. He stopped and tried to dry his eyes with his palms. Shit. “T-thank you. Genuinely. B-but not now.” He felt Rin’s hand softly land on his back.

They stayed there for a little bit more until Devon managed to get his emotions under control. Then they walked the rest of the way to his cabin in silence. The goodbye was awkward too, but Rin didn’t ask more questions, which was a relief. As he curled into the blanket and closed his eyes to fall asleep, Devon started remembering all the times Shiloh unknowingly said mean things to him. And he ignored all of it.

And Sharifa noticed that each time. He had no idea what her game was anymore.