A Green Nature

The solitude of the golden cornfield outskirts was always a place where Lucas could forget about the bullies, homework, and discomfort of home, but what mattered most to him was that he could be alone with his thoughts.  Lucas was a twelve-year-old boy with hands that couldn’t stop moving, even when he tried.   Autism wasn't his fault, but it seemed like Greystone Middle School thought otherwise.  Lucas’s blue eyes began to drop tears as the feeling of choking up came over him.  Why am I like this?, he thought to himself.  The feeling of getting lost did not seem too horrible as he once thought.  Even though the cornfield was only five minutes from the school, not many kids bothered to come here.  The serenity of the field soothed him as he listened to the sound of his favorite noise: silence.   

The cornfield felt like a cozy blanket to wrap himself around every day after school.  The yellow corn stocks would sway in the wind as the sun’s rays would cast their shadows onto the young boy.  Lucas remembered all of the times his mom would take him here whenever he had a bad day at school.  He would tell his mom about the other kids calling him dumb for playing with dolls, or for needing help with a math problem.  

His mom would often say, “I’m sure they don’t understand who you are, Lucas.  You’re my beautiful baby boy, and you always will be.  After all, I’m pretty sure once second graders grow more, they’ll be more understanding. Just let nature take its course.” 

Lucas would look down at the ground, “Okay, I’ll try.” 

She smiled, “How about you and I bake some chocolate chip cookies after this?  I know they’re your favorite.”  When they would get home, the smell of chocolate chip cookies would envelop the entire house, and Lucas’s stomach would jump for joy.    

Lucas wished he could enjoy a cookie like that again.  It wasn’t the same without her.  It’s not fair that she had to die in a fire five years later.  Her bakery store and her dreams died then and there.  Both Lucas and his dad were watching the evening news when Olivia Morales was one of the names listed under the names of people who perished in the disaster.  Lucas was crying his eyes out as his father just stared at the TV.  His father’s eyes never left the screen that night.  There would be nights where his dad would say nothing at all to him, but Lucas could tell he was hurting inside.  

Lucas had hoped that middle school would be a smoother process this year.  He was now in 7th grade, and had been friends with Freddy, the coolest kid in their grade, for a couple of days.  Freddy approached him one day at lunch and began to talk to Lucas like they had known each other their whole lives.  Freddy didn’t usually respond back with long monologues like Lucas did, but Lucas believed he was interested in what he was talking about.  Freddy had even promised him he would share a cookie with him this lunch period.   

However, Lucas noticed that, today, Freddy was sitting at a different table away from Lucas.  When Lucas asked him why he had left, Freddy told him that Mr. Jones had implemented assigned seats this year.  

Lucas raised an eyebrow, “Mr. Jones implemented assigned lunchroom seats this late into the school year?”  

Freddy shrugged, “Yeah, buddy.  Let’s go with that.” 

Lucas looked at the table of kids sitting with Freddy, “Freddy, I thought you said you didn’t have any other friends.”

Freddy’s eyes darted back and forth, “I never said that.  Lucas, you must be imagining things.”

“Do you think I’m that dumb?”

Freddy paused as he sighed, “Well, Lucas.  To tell you the truth, I only stuck around you as part of a bet I made with Derek.  It turns out now he owes me five dollars.” 

Lucas’s heart felt like a slice of rotten swiss cheese, “But Freddy, I thought we were friends?  Why did you do it?”

Derek, who was sitting next to Freddy, made a smirk, “Come on, you really think Freddy would hang out willingly with someone like you?  You’re too dumb to even know when things aren’t the same anymore. ”   

Then, the tears came storming down from Lucas eyes’.  His heart kept slicing more holes as his lips quivered.  The amount of pain he felt was similar to that of falling into a bed of thorn bushes except those bushes were someone you liked talking to.  How could Freddy do this?  It didn’t make any sense. 

Derek rolled his eyes, “Come on, man.  Are you really going to be a crybaby over this?  Hasn’t someone told you that crying is only for sissy little girls?”

Lucas pretended not to hear them in order to try and calm himself down.  He quickly covered his ears and tried to go to his own happy place.  He just needed to be alone with his thoughts.   

He couldn’t hear what the other two boys were saying to each other, but his blurred vision did see them pointing at each other before both of them left the table.  

Later, after math class had ended, Lucas tried to talk to the math teacher about his concerns.  He hoped that a teacher would take him at his word.   

“Lucas, listen.  Boys will be boys.  I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean it.” 

“But Mr. Jones, you don’t get it.  They really said those things to me.” Lucas pleaded.

“But I’m sure they really didn’t mean any harm.  Besides, I think you will be fine.  There are some things in life we cannot control.  I would love to control how much I’m paid, but I gotta face the facts.” Mr. Jones scribbled something down on his lesson plans while looking at his laptop.

Lucas looked down at the floor, “So, You’ll help me, right?” 

Mr. Jones took a sip of his coffee mug and adjusted his glasses, “Yeah, sure.  I just gotta do some errands next week.”  He took his pen and started to take notes that Lucas thought were about him.  Lucas thought he was getting somewhere until he saw it was only a grocery shopping list.  

“I hope you have a good day Lucas.  Remember, You have to complete Algebra Exercise Twelve this weekend.”

Lucas was already out the door by then to hear the rest. 

After school, Lucas wasted no time heading home where his father would usually be working at his desk.  His father, George Morales, worked from home, and often made dinner as soon as Lucas came home.  Lucas entered his house, and found his father making grilled cheese sandwiches for the both of them.  

“Hey dad.” Lucas sat down at the kitchen table.

“Oh, Hi Lucas.  How was your day?” 

“It was fine.” Lucas looked down at the floor. 

“I see.” 

Soon, the both of them sat down at the table and started eating.  Lucas was  occasionally picking at his food. 

“Lucas, are you sure everything is okay?”

“No.” 

“What's wrong?”

“I lost a friend today.” Lucas looked down at his food.  

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“Dad?”

“Yeah?” 

“I miss mom.”

Lucas’s dad cleared his throat, “I know.” 

The two of them sat in silence after that for a few more moments before Lucas’s dad broke it.

“Would you like to make chocolate chip cookies with me this weekend?  I finally have some time off.” 

Lucas looked down at the floor, “No thank you, I’m good.” 

His father cleared his throat again before asking, “Can I give you a hug?”

Lucas titled his head, “I’m not feeling like it right now.  Can I be alone for a bit?”  Lucas’ dad nodded as he washed the dishes.  Lucas put them away afterwards.  

. Soon, his dad had to return to his desk to continue working while Lucas sat at the empty table.  Lucas wanted to just be alone with his own thoughts, and he knew exactly where to go.  Soon enough, Lucas grabbed his shoes and started to walk out the door.