Chapter 7:

Do ut des

After Felix and Luca prepared the chapel, children began to fill the pews, filing in as if they had done it numerous times before, directed by the nuns standing to the sides of the pews. They smiled at Felix and Luca, and Luca smiled back, not recognizing the women without their traditional habits. Walking together with Felix, Luca sat at the front on the pew to the right, placed in front with Ms. Lowell and some of the other staff members, including Heidi, who smiled brightly as she chatted with Ms. Lowell and Luca about something she had seen this morning.

Felix walked to the front of the lectern as the children were quieted by the nuns and other adults, leaving only a quiet murmur to fill the hall as the restless children kicked their legs and waited for the short service to begin. Once Felix stood at the lectern and cleared his throat, all the murmurs quieted and soon there was only the sound of the winter winds blowing outside.

“Good morning, everyone.” Felix began, hearing the chirps of the children, he smiled in response and said, “Today we will be discussing forgiveness-” His words trailed off as the attentive audience listened to the fresh words of Felix, who spoke animatedly as he held his study materials in hand, standing behind the lectern with the energy of a new professor at a university. 

…

Luca found the service was short, and there was a lot the children could take from it. He thought that if regular mass was taught like Felix’s, he would not mind attending every Sunday. After the groups of children had placed on their jackets and left with the nuns, Ms. Lowell and Heidi stood up from the pews and spoke to Luca as Felix put away his materials in the back room of the chapel.

“How did you enjoy the service, dear?” Ms. Lowell asked softly, smiling. “Felix proposed some changes to Father Micheal’s materials, and it seems the children have been more receptive since then.” She sighed as she said this.

Heidi laughed and said, “It’s because Felix is able to keep their attention. If he wasn’t a priest, he would be a great teacher.” 

Luca smiled at Heidi’s comment, “I’d like to think so too.” Though Felix had never mentioned his interest in a career other than devoting himself to the church, Luca liked to think he would have been a great teacher. His temperament and gentle personality meshed well with all the children, making him a popular figure at the orphanage. 

After saying their goodbyes, Felix and Luca worked together to clean the interior of the church. They organised prayer books, vacuumed the carpet, and wiped down the dust off some of the pews. Finishing the quick cleaning, Luca wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead, tugging at the collar of his sweater with a laugh. “I guess it’s a little hot in here.” The thermostat had been adjusted to seventy degrees, but after so many years in the dormitory with poor heating, he felt a little warm.

“It’s not just you.” Standing to the side, Felix’s eyes moved to Luca’s neck, where a small sliver of skin could be seen, moist with sweat. His eyes fixed onto Luca’s figure, his hands tightening at his sides into tight fists. The colour in his eyes dulled for a moment before Luca turned around and faced Felix, who looked to be spacing out to himself. 

As Luca was about to call out to him, Felix shook his head lightly and smiled before he turned to Luca as he said, “Luca, I need to head into town to pick up some supplies. Would you like to come with me?” His tone was natural, as if he were certain Luca would prefer to come with him into town than stay in the orphanage.

Knowing Luca, Felix was right. “Sure! It’d be nice to see everyone again.” Luca laughed, thinking of all the people in town he used to see when he would go on trips with Ms. Lowell and the children around the town, like going to get ice cream or visiting the local park to play on the playground. Maybe he and Felix could stop by the playground to take a quick look? “Where do you need to go?”

“I need to go to the grocery store, the hardware store, and the pharmacy.” Felix stated, listing off the places on his fingers as he thought of the supplies he needed. “I have the shopping list in my coat pocket from this morning, and Ms. Lowell knows where we’re going, so we should be able to leave now.” As he spoke, Felix pushed back his bangs to the side, appearing more handsome than usual as he stood tall, looking casual and fashionable.

Hearing Felix’s words, Luca nodded his head in approval and said with a smile, “I’m ready when you are.” Holding his jacket in his hands, Luca slipped his arms in the jacket and adjusted the zipper, pulling it just below his chin. “Where do you want to go first?”

Felix lowered his head slightly, looking towards Luca with a gentle gaze, “Let’s go get the car. We can head to the grocery store first.”

Donning their winter gear, Luca was the first to step out of the church doors and outside onto the porch, sticking his cold hands in his pockets to warm himself. Felix, however, stood in the doorway of the church, the doors having already been locked by him. The lights had been turned off, and the only light inside the church was the light from the open doorway, lighting Felix’s figure in a white light.

The dark church was silent, full of emptiness, but the space in front of the door was bright, welcoming once again. Felix closed his eyes, sucking in a deep breath, his eyes darkening as he turned to look over his shoulder at Luca, who was standing only feet away, blowing puffs of warm air on his hands with a lax expression, shivering slightly as he stood.

You don’t have to be afraid anymore, Luca. Felix thought to himself, lifting his hand to grasp the doorknob. I’m here for you.

… 

“Is the heat high enough?” Felix asked, adjusting the heat settings in the car. The car fan was blasting on high, blowing warm air at their cold faces and wet feet, slowly warming them. 

Luca nodded his head with the same gentle smile, staring out the window with a curious expression as the heater warmed his red cheeks and reddened ears. While Luca had his head turned to look outside at how much the town had changed, his face full of wonder, Felix’s gaze travelled to the young man’s red ear lobes. He wanted to take his fingers and hold his ears, warming the exposed, soft piece of skin, but Felix could only clutch the steering wheel and shove these feelings down in his chest, maintaining his gaze forward as they travelled down the icy side road. 

The radio in the car was slightly fuzzy, no doubt bent slightly from years of use. The small town car was donated by a parish member to be used by the church. Fortunately the old car had been well-maintained by its old owner, and it was maintained using funds provided by the church. Felix was usually the one driving the car, as Ms. Lowell or the other staff would use the church van as needed. 

The interior of the car was clean, leaving a faint scent of pine in the car from a dying air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. The tiny tree shape was cute, Luca thought, poking the little tree freshener with his finger with a smile, distracting Felix for only a moment before he returned his gaze forward, a smile dressed on his lips. 

“Let’s stop at Shott’s first for groceries. I have the list, but I added a few requests from the children too.” Felix laughed, pulling into the small parking lot beside the brick building on the main road of town, pulling into a spot near the front of the store. “The children were talking about having more of Ms. Lowell’s famous cookies, so I added that to the list. Do you have any requests?” Felix asked, placing the car in park as the old car groaned to a stop.

Luca thought for a moment before he shook his head, “I’m good, but thanks, Felix. I wouldn’t mind having more of Ms. Lowell’s cookies, though.” Just the thought of those gooey, sweet, milk chocolate chip cookies was enough to make anyone hungry for more. It had been years since he last had one, and he never had a cookie quite the same as Ms. Lowell’s. At least now he could get one without getting embarrassed and asking for one directly.

The two stepped out of the car, burrowing into their jackets as the cold wind passed by them. Luca tucked his hands into his jacket as he followed quickly behind Felix, walking into the shop without locking the old vehicle. 

“We should be able to grab a few things in this aisle.” Felix began, pushing the shopping cart down a while aisle of bread items and dairy products as Luca walked at his side, looking around the small grocery store with curiosity, occasionally stopping to look at products while Felix patiently waited, grabbing some of the groceries on the list as Luca meandered around like a young child. As the cart was filled by Felix, Luca did not grab any items and instead stared around more, smiling as he joked around with the fastidious priest. 

As the pair turned down the baking aisle, speaking amongst themselves about the cookies Ms. Lowell had planned to prepare, their cart hit another buggy in the aisle, letting out a loud clanging noise as Felix stepped back, slowly rolling his cart back with an apologetic nod as he asked gently, staring up at the other person, “Are you okay?”

The person pushing the cart opposite them was a young woman, at least twenty-three or so years old. A wool scarf was tightly wrapped around her neck, hiding her chin as her green eyes shone brightly under the shadow of her pom pom hat. The girl’s eyes were full of apology, her gaze low for a moment before she looked up and asked in a startled tone, “God, is that you Luca?”

“Huh?” Luca stared up, meeting the gaze of the young woman with a confused smile before he began to recognize the young woman. It was someone he used to know from the orphanage. “No way! Margaret?” He ignored Felix’s stare between him and the young woman and continued the conversation with ease. 

The girl frowned with a bitter expression, feeling a little depressed to hear her old name, “I go by Margo now.” The girl then looked towards Felix and sent out a warm greeting. “It’s been a while, Felix. How’s the church?”

“It’s been quiet without you there, Margo, but we’d love to have you come visit again soon. Has work been keeping you busy?” Felix spoke with his usual gentlemanly demeanour, causing Margo to sigh with a quiet shake of her head.

“Quit being so formal. It’s not like I didn’t grow up with you two.” Margo waved her hand dismissively, putting her hands on the hips of her dirt-covered jeans. “Especially you, Felix. I see you all the time anyway.”

The three were able to catch up somewhat, and Luca was told the details about how Margo had been. After Luca was adopted, Margo was able to find a family of her own, staying within a short distance of town with a new-to-the-country-life couple that was determined to live their farmland dreams. Unfortunately, Margo, the city-loving girl, also had to follow suit and live on their ranch, acting as a young stable hand until she was old enough to get a job near town, working as a receptionist for the local dental office. While it wasn’t the life she wanted, it was a life she enjoyed nonetheless. 

“I’m so jealous you were able to get out of the country and study. Though, I’m sure it’s nice to be back home after so long, isn’t it?” Margo asked.

Luca nodded, “I miss the slow atmosphere here sometimes.” The business of the college town was nice, but a change of pace was always welcome, especially amongst friends. 

While the two were catching up, unconsciously blocking the aisle, Felix stared down at his simple, leather-bound wristwatch and said, “It’s getting a little late, Luca. We should get moving here soon.” He patted Luca’s shoulder with his palm as he said, “It’s been nice seeing you, Margo. We’ll have to talk again soon.” He waved towards Margo with his other hand, steering the cart back to allow Margo through the aisle.

Margo looked towards Felix first and said, “I’ll be holding you to that.” She then turned to Luca and said, “I wouldn’t mind having some tea with you sometime too. Don’t be a stranger, Luca.” 

Luca said his goodbyes as Margo trotted out of the aisle, her cart full of groceries and other items. After the wheels of her cart turned the aisle, Felix began to steer down the aisle and grabbed the baking items swiftly, remembering where the items were on the shelves. As Felix grabbed the cookie materials, Luca looked down the aisle and found more baking items, including the chocolate chips Ms. Lowell would need for the cookies, and some pre-made biscuits he and Felix would sometimes sneak out of the kitchen and eat together during chores. 

“Felix, do you remember these?” Luca turned to ask Felix, who was already making his way down the aisle towards Luca with a cart full of items. 

In Luca’s hand was a small box of biscuits, a small package of chocolate and vanilla cookies. While they were not the sweetest snack, Felix had always liked them, and Luca would often sneak them out of the kitchen when the biscuit box had already been opened by Ms. Lowell. It took well over a year to find the culprit, and when she did, she found Luca and caught him red handed, reaching into the box with a shocked look on his face. 

Needless to say, his stealing escapades were cut short, and he took the blame for Felix, making only him get punished by missing snacks for a whole week. It was absolute torture for the young Luca, not being able to get any of the baked goods prepared by Ms. Lowell. He could remember her saying to him, “You do not need to steal to eat, Luca. Stealing is a sin.”

Grabbing the box of biscuits, he could only laugh, feeling his face flush red at the embarrassing memory. As he laughed, throwing the biscuits in the cart, Felix shot him a short glance, looking at his red cheeks with a laugh of his own.

“Cute.” Felix said, barely loud enough for Luca to hear.

“What was that, Felix?” Luca asked, unaware. 

“Ah, nothing.” Felix shook his head, covering his mouth with his hand, attempting to hold back his laughter. “Let’s go to check out. We’re running late.”

The pair set off for checkout, Luca looking at the box of biscuits in the cart with a satisfied smile.