Today we were back from winter break. There was a new girl in homeroom Lilly she seems nice but when i asked for a pencil i heard her do a little squeal shes like kinda cute.  she looks straight so i think im going to back off. She asked my gender i said nonbinary. She gave me a ohhhhh kind of look. Then during sience wich i also have with her ( im not really mad about it) she asked for my phone number wich prompted collen a dude who isnt necessary homophobic but i dont know he just kinda constantly jokes about it to say. " oooooooh what are you gay too"? Wich prompted her to looked panicked for a millisecond then say " no...". Wich i kinda find odd so mabye i was wrong about her being straight. I did give her my number. She never called or texted. I dont know why but i get her out of my head i dont know what im feeling am i in love ive never felt this like ie felt happy ive had crushes but... I dont know i feel like im on laughing gas but im also about to throw up. but the wanting to throw up isnt thatnew i feel like that 90% of the time i eat around people and sometimes not even around people. I just want to die cry most days. I get a call from my freind Lacy telling me about plans i wasnt able to go to because my grades are bad. i feel like a broken mirrior that keeps getting broken to where you can even see your self any more.