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My Second Life

Unmerry Christmas

Unmerry Christmas

Jan 03, 2023

This content is intended for mature audiences for the following reasons.

  • •  Abuse - Physical and/or Emotional
  • •  Suicide and self-harm
  • •  Sexual Content and/or Nudity
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The next day is Sunday, Christmas day. When her lover calls her to meet up for lunch, Ha-neul says she feels sick. Instead, she spends the day with Ae-ra.

"Ae-raya, can I ask you something?" Ha-neul asks.

"What is it?" Ae-ra replies.

"Do you ever have regrets?" Ha-neul asks.

"Of course I do," Ae-ra replies.

"No," Ha-neul continues. "I mean about ... you know, our work. I mean, do you think it's unhealthy?"

"Why?" Ae-ra says. "Some guys get a high, we get paid. It's business."

"Don't you think it affects you?" Ha-neul asks.

"Not really," Ae-ra says. "Why, don't tell me the great Ha-neul is having regrets milking the rich and spoiled?"

"I'm not so sure these days," Ha-neul replies. "Would you say you're happy?"

"Hmm," Ae-ra says, thinking for a moment. "I'd say so. I'm doing everything I want. I'm strong, independent, make my own money. I have a certain seductive influence over men that feels like real power. I'd say I'm happy."

"What does it feel like?" Ha-neul asks.

"Feel?" Ae-ra says. "I don't know, I feel good. Why, what do you mean?"

"It's just," Ha-neul replies. "It's hard to explain."

"You don't feel the same?" Ae-ra asks.

Ha-neul shakes her head to say no. "I feel ... numb," she says instead.

"Numb?" Ae-ra asks, confused.

"I don't really feel anything," Ha-neul replies. "I don't really want anything either - not for myself at least. Is that weird?"

"Hmm," Ae-ra thinks. "You're too nice, you know that? Everyone has a dream. It just changes after a while. You sure there's nothing you want?"

Ha-neul silently thinks of Hye-jin.

"Maybe ... is it someone you liked before?" Ae-ra asks inquisitively. "When was the last time you felt happy?"

Ha-neul hangs her head. She recalls a time when she and Hye-jin were very close. They used to be able to talk to each other so easily despite their age gap, spending time together playing around and laughing. But that seemed like such a long time ago. Ha-neul feels it might even have been just another daydream, surreal to the point she couldn't believe it herself. They barely talked to each other the past few years, work consuming nearly all of Ha-neul's time and attention. Those were the last times she felt happy, when they could just talk to each other without any awkwardness. Maybe they'll never be that way again.

"What if you got back together with him?" Ae-ra asks. "Were you happy when you were still together?"

"Can you ever get back together, once you drift apart?" Ha-neul replies.

"Maybe not," Ae-ra says. "I guess that's how it is. That's why I don't expect much from people. Better to put your hope on things that don't change. Money for one."

"Really?" Ha-neul asks. "You're not just saying that?"

"Money won't disappoint you," Ae-ra replies. "That's for sure. You know, maybe you don't want anything, because you already got everything you wanted up to now. You just have to set your heart on something else. So maybe you are happy - you just don't know it yet."

Ha-neul is somehow unsatisfied with her answer. There is an awkward pause.

Ae-ra gazes at Ha-neul, feeling sorry for her. "Do you really believe that stuff?" she suddenly asks, pointing at the rosary around Ha-neul's neck.

Ha-neul grasps it with her hand. "I don't know," she replies.

"Mm," Ae-ra says. "You still like wearing it?"

Ha-neul thinks for a moment, her mind suddenly transported back to her childhood home, her face frozen in the present. "It's nothing. It's just ... a dream that hasn't died yet."

There is more awkward silence. Suddenly, Ha-neul changes the subject. "You sure you don't want to move in with me?" Ha-neul asks. "I'm going to be living on my own soon."

"What about Hye-jina?" Ae-ra says.

"She's old enough to take care of herself," Ha-neul replies. "Anyways, I feel like she's better off without me."

"Hey," Ae-ra says, "Did you guys fight or something?"

"Come on," Ha-neul pleads. "Come live with me."

"I'm happy here," Ae-ra replies.

Ha-neul studies Ae-ra sitting in front of her. Ae-ra wears her usual skimpy shorts, revealing her slender legs and her bruised thighs, along with an extra small t-shirt with no bra. She sees more bruises on Ae-ra's arms before adding, "You said Dae-seong doesn't hit you anymore?"

"Don't ask," Ae-ra says.

"Then come live with me," Ha-neul insists.

"Really, eonni," Ae-ra replies. "I'm happy here."

The next night, Ha-neul is making her rounds back at the high-rise restaurant. She had to borrow a uniform and some clothes from one of her coworkers, as she spent that morning with her lover living the cliche romance life before heading back to his apartment for the afternoon - as agreed. In the evening she is back at work, per her custom - avoiding going home in the meantime.

Her style of escorting doesn't yield a steady stream of income. Rather, it's more like acting roles where she will get a sudden influx of cash if she does a convincing job. Thus besides the endless networking opportunities at the restaurant, she also needs to supplement her income in between gigs, hence her job as a server.

As she walks around she finds Cheol-min sitting alone by the window again. Curious, she walks over to his table and asks if he would like more water for his half-empty glass.

"No thanks," Cheol-min says, waving his hand.

"So ... did you talk to her?" Ha-neul asks.

"Who?" Cheol-min replies, "Hae-won?"

"Is that her name?" Ha-neul says. "The lady who sits over in the corner."

"I did," Cheol-min replies, smirking.

"Oh?" Just then Ha-neul puts the pitcher of water down on the table and takes a seat across from Cheol-min. She looks over to the corner but doesn't see the rich girl with eyeglasses. "What happened?" she asks eagerly.

"Well," Cheol-min continues, "It turns out she is very rich. I came in early today and there she was, enjoying the view. We hit it off. We surprisingly share a lot of things in common. It's easy to make her laugh - I'm not particularly funny, but she laughed at everything I said. It's nice to find someone who you can talk to easily like that."

"So, did you ask her out on a date?" Ha-neul replies, leaning forward and resting her hand under her chin.

"I did," Cheol-min says. Just then he sighs and looks out the window. "It's not going to work out."

"Oh? Why?" Ha-neul asks.

"She said I'm unattractive," Cheol-min replies.

"What?" Ha-neul says in disbelief. "She can't have meant your physical appearance? You're pretty fit - and I would say handsome." Ha-neul sizes up Cheol-min. He's pretty tall and slim, his eyes exuding youthfulness despite his age being five years older than Ha-neul. "Maybe it's your personality?" she adds.

Cheol-min replies, "'You're not my type' were her exact words. I guess I'm neither 'fit' nor 'handsome' enough to her liking."

"Well shit," Ha-neul says dryly. "You can't win."

"No," Cheol-min replies, "You damn well can't. So, will you marry me now?"

The two of them laugh for a moment, before both sighing and returning to their semi-depressed state.

"And yet she gave Byung-ho a chance, of all people," Cheol-min says, shaking his head. "I guess she didn't hear about his sexcapades in the past month. Or then again maybe that's her 'type'. Even you dated a scumbag like him."

"What?" Ha-neul replies, surprised. "How do you know I dated Byung-ho?"

Cheol-min raises his eyebrows and purses his lips as he realizes he shouldn't have said that, before looking out the window to avoid Ha-neul's glare.

"You really are a stalker, do you know that?" Ha-neul suddenly laughs, shaking her head in further disbelief. "Well, what else do you know?"

"Hmm," Cheol-min replies, turning back after hearing her positive tone. He sees her smiling contagiously. He can't help it. He's suddenly in a chatty mood, returning her smile. "You're such a gossiper. Well, it ended before it started. She dropped him last week when she found out about his wife."

"What?" Ha-neul feels the sensation of a knife plunging deep into her heart. "Byung-ho wasn't married," Ha-neul says.

"Well, I never heard of an unmarried man getting a divorce," Cheol-min quips. "That's how Hae-won found out. She saw him being served divorce papers before one of their dates."

"Since when was he married?" Ha-neul asks. "We just broke up a month ago."

"For a long time now," Cheol-min says. "I guess he kept it under wraps pretty well. Apparently he married when he was quite young. He has a daughter."

"What caused the divorce?" Ha-neul asks, shocked at this point.

"Supposedly, he was a good husband," Cheol-min says, "Up until recently. I guess he changed. Now he's gone off the rails, seeing every woman he can. You didn't know?"

Ha-neul just stares at him blankly.

"I heard it's been going on for more than a year," he continues. "But especially this past month, I would have thought everyone in this joint would have known by now, especially you. What did you ever see in that guy?"

"Thank you, Cheol-min shi," Ha-neul says, getting up from the table in a daze. "I'll see you later," she mutters under her breath as she walks off to continue her rounds.

"I was serious by the way!" Cheol-min calls after Ha-neul. "Let's get married!"

After work that night, Ha-neul gets back to her hotel exhausted. The sudden matter of Byung-ho completely distracted her this entire evening, making the hours go by agonizingly slow. She always made sure the guys she entertained were unmarried men. She asked around. He didn't have many friends. She was told he was a loner. She watched him. He lived in his mansion alone. Yet there was no indication he already had a family. Ha-neul cannot believe it. She genuinely hopes she wasn't the first one he had an affair with, and that he was already in the process of being divorced before he met her. She is determined to find out more tomorrow.

The next morning, Ha-neul takes a cab over to Byung-ho's house. She asks to be let out of the car a block away. She pays the driver and waves him off. She walks the familiar street with the brick wall and the ivy on one side and multi-million dollar mansions on the other. Then she sees the house that sometimes appeared in her nightmares. It was a new-looking house but somehow felt haunted - by what she did not know. The evenings she spent there were eerie enough for her to ask Byung-ho to spend their nights at random hotels rather than in there.

As Ha-neul approaches from around the block, she can hear some people shouting. She peers through the gate and sees Byung-ho arguing with a middle-aged woman. Ha-neul cannot quite catch what they are saying, so she approaches closer. Just then she hears a car door slam and an engine start. Ha-neul darts around the corner and sees a van drive off. It has the name of a restaurant and an address on it. She quickly snaps a picture and finds the address on the map.

Later on Ha-neul scouts out the place. It's a small restaurant - quaint and family-owned. She sees the same middle-aged woman welcoming customers through the front door. Ha-neul walks around to get a better angle. She sees the middle-aged woman take orders, cook, and serve the customers. Ha-neul starts to feel worse.

Just then a high school student walks in carrying some books under her arm. She is upset and sits down at one of the tables. Ha-neul knows it is winter break already, so this girl must be attending extra study sessions. The middle-aged woman walks over and serves the girl some noodles. This must be Byung-ho's daughter, Ha-neul concludes. Ha-neul walks around further to the side of the restaurant and listens through a window.

"It'll be alright, Yu-naya," the middle-aged woman says. "We'll be okay."

Yu-na doesn't say a word as she silently eats the noodles.

"I'm sorry, Yu-naya - I know you're disappointed, but I can't hold it together anymore," Yu-na's mother continues. "I put up with this for almost a year and I can't do it anymore. It's better this way. I'll keep the restaurant going, that's for sure. We can survive this. At first, I thought your father just had a moment of weakness. But he's changed. Whoever that Ha-neul is changed him."

Just then Ha-neul feels a shock to her heart when she hears her name.

"I thought I could keep it together," Yu-na's mother continues on. "For all the years we had before. And even when that became meaningless, I did it at least for the money. But now - I just can't take it anymore. He doesn't feel sorry for what he's doing at all. We don't need his money. No - I won't accept it any longer."

Yu-na suddenly lowers her head and cries. Her mother walks over to her and hugs her.

"You do need his money," Yu-na says, "I hate her! Wherever she is, can't she take responsibility? Even though she left him, Dad keeps talking about her - 'Ha-neul this, Ha-neul that.' He can't get over her. If only we could talk to her. Maybe, she can convince him to stop. Mom, you don't have to do this. Dad still loves us! He's not a bad person!"

"Yu-naya," her mother says, "If your dad loved us, he would have stopped by now. If he truly loved us, he would never have done this in the first place. The world doesn't work that way. You can't just fix things by talking it over with words. In reality, there are no second chances. You just have to make the best of the current situation. If it's the restaurant you're worried about, we'll survive. It's okay, it'll turn out alright."

"It's not the restaurant," Yu-na replies. "We still need dad. You're talking like he's already lost!"

Yu-na continues to cry in her mother's arms. Ha-neul hangs around, stricken with guilt. She feels disgusted, almost to the point of vomiting. She promised herself early on to never mess with good men. She starts to think there are no such thing.

The mother dismisses Yu-na and tells her to go home as an influx of customers suddenly show up to the restaurant. Yu-na reluctantly agrees. Ha-neul follows her, unsure of why - perhaps the curiosity overtakes her. Yu-na walks to a park. Ha-neul follows some distance behind, careful not to be seen.

Yu-na starts looking through trash bins. After some time, she finds a glass bottle. She proceeds to shatter it with great difficulty. She picks up a large piece and suddenly cuts across her wrist with it before collapsing to the ground. Ha-neul sprints forward across the park and embraces the girl. Ha-neul hopes it's not too late.

"Hey," Ha-neul says frantically, "Hey, stay with me! Stay awake!"

Yu-na looks up at Ha-neul with a look of defeat in her eyes, half-open and ready to go to sleep for good.

Ha-neul continues. "Don't worry, I'll call the ambulance. You're going to be alright." Ha-neul takes her phone out of her coat pocket and starts to dial 119.

"Just leave it," Yu-na mumbles. Soon she drifts in and out of consciousness as she grows limp. Ha-neul tells the emergency services on the phone the exact location of the park. She then gently shakes Yu-na in an attempt to keep her awake while she awaits the medical personnel to arrive.

writerhongpao
Writer Hong Pao

Creator

Comments (2)

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A. Harris Lanning
A. Harris Lanning

Top comment

Oh my gosh, how awful. Ha-neul was being careful and she's not responsible for Byung-ho's deception but I understand why she feels so bad. I hope it's not too late for his daughter.

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Ha-neul is a beautiful, kindhearted sixteen-year-old teenager living in North Korea with her rambunctious sister and her loving parents. Threatened by an ambitious school administrator, they are forced to flee the country and search for happiness elsewhere.

Once out of North Korea, they meet Yeong-su, a mysterious teenager whom Ha-neul is immediately attracted to. Together they look for a way to sneak into South Korea and a better life. Will they survive? Will freedom automatically bring happiness? Can you really escape from your past life, or will it catch up to you in the end? Ha-neul seeks to answer these questions as she starts her second life.

This novel has a more serious tone and is not too long, about 78k words, with a lot of life lessons poured into it and a redemptive ending. May it help those who feel discouraged.

NOTE: This is for mature audiences only and deals with mental health issues, please be aware of the warnings from Tapas before reading.
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Unmerry Christmas

Unmerry Christmas

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