“Oh my god. That’s horrible! Did you kick him in the balls?” Alyxi asked, licking a thick cone of vanilla ice cream.

“No…” I said. “I don’t know. I kind of feel bad?”

We both sat at Catty’s, a local ice cream cafe. We sat on two lime green sofas by the window. In my hand, I held a bowl of strawberry ice cream. As I spoke, I poked it with my white plastic spoon. 

“Why? He tried to molest you.”

“I don’t know. I kind of like Jacob, to be honest. He’s super hot.”

“Why didn’t you make out with him?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t ready. It was so sudden, and I freaked out,” I said. “Do you think he’ll ever talk to me again?”

“I think he’s going to kill you.”

“Well, I have therapy tomorrow so I am missing first period anyway.”

“You should tell him you like him,” Alyxi said as she slurped.

An idea came across my mind. 

“If I write him a note, will you give it to Andrew? Andrew sees Jacob in class.”

“You should write it now.”

In hindsight, writing to him probably overstepped several boundaries, but idealistically I thought maybe he’d understand my situation. Taking a sheet of paper out of my sketchbook, I started writing a letter.

“Hi, Jacob.

Sorry about yesterday. I just wasn’t ready to have sex with you. I would have sex with you, but I have a lot of personal stuff to deal with first. It’s not personal against you or anything. I think you’re super cute. I just wasn’t prepared. If we take things slow, maybe we can give each other a chance.

Amber”

Scratching out “super”, I folded it up and handed it to Alyxi. 

“Can I read it?”

“No!” I said. “Promise you won’t.”

She stuffed it into her jacket. We continued to eat until my ice cream emptied. We walked to her car parked near the front. Something seemed to be bothering her, but I wasn’t sure what. It felt rude that I didn’t ask until now.

“How was your day?” I asked.

“It kind of sucks that all these guys are all over you.”

“Why?”

“I thought it’d just be the two of us for the rest of our lives.”

“Guys will be all over you, too. Don’t worry”

Alyxi slapped me playfully on the shoulder. 

“That’s not what I meant!” she said. “You’re so obtuse.”

“I’ll still be there for you. That’s not going to change.”

Alyxi’s expression became uneasy. “Right…”

Her eyes went down, and she, upset, opened her car door. I got in the other side and tried to make small talk, but she didn’t really respond. Did I say something that hurt her feelings? I went back through all the words I said, but nothing came to mind. Maybe it has nothing to deal with me? Maybe she just had a bad day at school? I wish she would tell me about it so I don’t feel so confused.

“Bye,” I said and waved. She forced a smile and waved back.

Once inside, I lay on my bed and looked through my phone. I texted Andrew.

“Hey, sorry we didn’t go to the arcade. Maybe we can go tomorrow.”

“I’ve been texting you all night” Andrew texted back.

He has? I looked at past messages. It went on to be about how I should be nice to Jacob because, as Alyxi said, Jacob has gone through some shit. “He’s autistic,” he said.

“Jacob’s autistic? I’m autistic.” I told Andrew.

“That makes sense.”

“Jacob doesn’t seem autistic.”

“That’s a shitty thing to say.”

“Did he say he was?”

“Yes! Obviously!”

“Oh. I’m sorry. He tried to kiss me today.”

“Yeah, I heard he tried to have sex with you.”

“Why do you people want to sleep with me so bad?”

“Because you’re hot.”

I shook my head. Are these people delusional?

“What’s wrong with you, boy?”

“I’d have sex with you.”

“I. Don’t. Want. To. Have. Sex. I’m asexual.”

“Oh. shit, metoo!”

“How?’

“What do you mean how?”

“You find me sexually attractive.”

“No, I said I’d have sex with you. I didn’t say you were sexually attractive.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re really nice.”

I thought about this. Was I, though…?

“Thanks!”

“Do you want to have sex with me?” 

I sighed. What is up with these guys? I wanted to open up and tell him about my rocky childhood, but my therapist came to mind. You don’t want to trauma dump, so I'd be vague.

“For personal reasons, no. I’d like to take my time.”

“I like it slow, too :). I just wanted to see where we were with each other,” he said. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

I blushed. He wanted to be my boyfriend? Oh my god. I never had a boyfriend before. Did he really mean it? Then it dawned on me–what about Jacob? I gave Alyxi that note. Jacob’s poly, so he’d be okay with it, but I wasn’t sure if Andrew was. 

“Do you know what poly means?”

“Yeah, I am poly.”

“Oh, you are?”

Wow. I didn’t know being poly was a thing. Personally, I always thought of myself as monogamous, but the poly world seemed freeing. You didn’t have to be tied down to a specific person. I slapped my head. What would I tell Dad though? What would I tell Mom? I couldn’t have one boyfriend, let alone two. 

“Yeah , is that a problem?” 

“No, I gave Alyxi a note that she will give you tomorrow. Can you give it to Jacob?”

“Are you going to answer my question?”

“I am going to tell Jacob he’s cute. Is that okay?”

“Why would I care about this?”

“I thought you’d be jealous.” 

Giddy, I fantasized about it. I wonder if Andrew would get really mad. Maybe Jacob and Andrew would fight over me. I imagined their confrontation and me being in the middle. If it came down to it, who would I choose? 

“Uhm, yes. Obviously, it makes me very jealous.”

“Oh sorry. I think you’re cuter.” I said and then lowered my phone. After waiting about five minutes, I couldn’t bring myself to look at the response. What if he got pissed off? What if this was a joke and he actually didn’t like me?

“And I think you’re the cutest.”

I frowned. 

“Do you have other girlfriends?”

“And boyfriends.”

He’s bi-romantic? Holy shit. 

“I think I might be bi-romantic, too. I dunno. :O” 

“You’re definitely bi.”

I guess so. There were signs of me being attracted to women, like my fascination with the video game Dead or Alive, but my family was homophobic. Every time I thought about a girl, I beat down the idea. None of it got explored. 

“Do you want to play The Minis with me?”

“Hell, yeah. See you online.”

Beaming I did. I had a boyfriend! But then it hit me, there was probably something severely wrong with Andrew for him to go out with me. I’m going to find out something horrible. This always happened to me. Something great happened and then soon after, disaster. Deep down, he probably was a raging sexist. 

As I got on a call with him, I became cautious. 

“Hi,” I said. 

“Sound more excited! We’re going out!” Andrew said. 

“Oh, sorry. I mean, yes! I am excited!” 

Wait for it, Amber. Wait for the sexism. It was going to come out at any time. 

“Pack your bags. We’re going somewhere special,” Andrew said as we signed into The Minis multiplayer and got into our houses. Andrew and I, because of our previous multiplayer endeavors, already lived together in a small apartment.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Sound more excited! Oh my god.”

“I am!” I said defensively. Whenever you do an action with someone’s Mini, it needed to be approved by the player. That way you can’t do things without the other player’s consent. A little window asked me “if I wanted a back rub”. I laughed and then rejected it. “Take me out to dinner first!”

“We’re literally living together,” he said. Clicking on his Mini, I offered him a rose, and I waited to see if he’d accept it. He did. Laughed and giggled. He started serenading me with Minilish. Very nice, I thought but overstimulating. Out of everything everyone did for me, this was the nicest. A little too nice.  “Alright, we’re traveling. Click accept.” 

Our Minis go through a loading screen and appear in a city. The city is supposed to represent something like New York City or San Francisco. We popped up at the wedding venue lot with french inspired architecture where Minis could also spend the night. It just so happened to be raining.

My Mini’s needs were all met, so I didn’t need to fill them. They pulled out a book and started reading. My Mini had the “introvert” trait, you see, therefore she liked doing that kind of thing. Andrew’s Mini went into the kitchen and started making a meal. I wondered what. Sitting comfortably in my chair upstairs, I thought maybe my Mini should interact with Andrew more, but I liked allowing my Minis to do their own thing.

He made a single serving of beef. Odd. 

“Why did you make food?” I asked.

“It’s for you.”

Before I clicked the beef, my Mini started talking to Andrew. A little menu popped up that asked if I wanted a hug. I clicked accept, and the two Minis embraced. Then I took the plate and started eating it, continuing our conversation.

“Do something to me,” Andrew said.

“Do something to me instead,” I said. 

“I’m not going to do anything until you do.”

At first, I thought he was bluffing, but all his Mini did was walk around the lot completing chores. Other Minis would enter the lot and approach him, like the bitches they were. Finally, I said fine, and walked up and tried to give him a kiss.

The game glitched, like it always did, and canceled the interaction. Instead, it made me yell at him. Because The  Minis remembered interactions, I may not be successful with my next move.

Kissing was my main goal, but I saw a new interaction. The interaction said, “Apologize…in bed”. This made me laugh since I’d never seen it before. Curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to try it. I didn’t know. Maybe Andrew would think it was funny.

“Do you have Wicked Wishes installed?” he asked.

Oh, Wicked Wishes. I knew about this mod. If two people have it installed on their computer, and they play multiplayer, they can have graphic sex. No shade on the people who download it, it’s quite popular, but I always thought it was very strange. Porn disgusted me, and I hated looking at it. To me, it looked like a hot dog and lasagna making love, and Wicked Wishes wasn’t much different. 

“No,” I said, sourly, unsure if agreeing to date this guy was a good idea.

“Why not?” he said very disappointedly. 

“Because it’s gross. You’re gross.” 

Andrew accepted the offer and the Minis do their notorious “yay” pose to illustrate consent. Oh, great, what have I done? The Minis followed themselves upstairs to the wedding suite and stood on either side of the bed. In a family-friendly way, they make a “SWOOSH” with their bodies and change into their sleepwear. Both get under the covers and make cartoon-ish love with hyperbolized sounds to be more funny than naughty. 

Laughing so hard I could vomit, I couldn’t handle it. Every time Minis have sex, I moved my game camera away because I felt like a peeping tom. At the end, the game said my Mini was “pleasantly satisfied”.

“I needed that,” said Andrew.

“Stop!” I said. I got another pop-up to do it again. He wanted to have sex again. I asked, “Do you want to try for a baby?”

“No!”

I reject his pop-up. 

“But, I want a family.”

“Honey, we just started dating. We’re not even married.”

“Fine. I see how it is. I am breaking up with you.” I click on an empty spot on the ground for my Mini to walk away. “I am going to marry someone who wants the commitment.”

“Fine,” he said and started flirting with the first Mini he saw.

“I see how it is,” I said and tried flirt first.

“Amber?” my Mom’s voice filled my bedroom. “Are you playing that game?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Go to bed.”

I sighed. It was 10:30 pm, so I guess I had to.

“Okay, good night, Andrew,” I said. “I have to go.”

“Good night!”

Elation overwhelmed me. Every Christmas when my family came to visit they always asked if I had a boyfriend, and I said no. Now, I can say yes and feel normal! When I tried to sleep, though, discomfort sat at the bottom of my stomach, though. If I had a boyfriend that meant I had to kiss him for real. I couldn’t avoid sex for that long, could I? He was a man, so he’d demand it at some point.