She led her over to the closet. A row of hanging flannel shirts filled out most of the space inside, next to a wooden shelf where the rest of her clothes were haphazardly stuffed in. “Behind the shelf.. On the floor..” Eileen said, pointing towards the area. 

Melanie knelt down next to the shelf and found the sizable gap between it and the wall. The space was dark, but she could see what Eileen wanted her to find. The floor was littered with photos, the scattered mess leading back to a pile underneath a tin box further in. She dug out the pictures and the box, and caught a glimpse of something else leaning against the wall. She stretched her arm out and reached for the shape, grabbing hold of something cold and metallic. She pulled out a baseball bat, scratched and covered in dust, and set it down on the bed with everything else. “I’m a photographer–or well, I was one..” Eileen said wistfully.

“They’re beautiful..” Melanie replied.

Her eyes wandered through images from concerts in small bars and lounges, wide shots of crowds lit by string lights overhead and closeups of singers and musicians performing and tuning instruments. “Thanks,” Eileen responded warmly, “I worked for a music magazine, covering up and coming artists. These were the shots I took for myself..” 

Melanie worked her way through the photos until one caught her eye, starkly different from the rest. It was of a young man laying in a hospital bed. He was smiling and holding up a peace sign with his right hand, his IV tube dangling down onto the bed sheets bunched up at his side. “My older brother, Sonny..” Eileen said quietly.

“Is he..?” 

“He passed away, yeah.. A few months ago..”

“I’m so sorry..” 

Eileen ran her finger just over the photo. “Thank you..” she said, “He wasn’t as heartbroken about it, as you can tell.” 

Melanie held up the picture and looked at it closer. “You took this?”

Eileen nodded.

“Where were your parents..?”

“We didn’t.. We don’t have parents..” Eileen answered, “We bounced around bad foster homes until Sonny was old enough to take care of us himself. He practically raised me..” 

The warmth radiating from his tired face told Melanie the whole story. She rubbed her thumb along the edge of the photo. “He sounds like a really good guy.”

“He was.” Eileen moved to her side.  “He got me out of a bad crowd when we were kids.. This bunch of vandals who used to go around town spray painting shit on people’s houses and stealing their packages. Just stupid, stupid shit that the local police were too lazy to deal with. He talked me out of hanging out with them after school, and he got me into photography instead.”

Melanie set the photo back down with the rest. “He was the one who taught you?” she asked.

“Pretty much. He gave me his camera on my sixteenth birthday, and it got me through college and every work assignment I’ve ever had.” 

Melanie looked around the room. “Where is your camera, by the way?” 

For a moment Eileen was quiet, staring pensively at the floor. “I broke it..” she said, realizing something. “The night I…” She stopped herself, as if the words were caught in her throat. 

“The night you died..?” Melanie finished for her.

“Yeah..”

“So you remember what happened..?”

Eileen shook her head. “Not all of it.. Just bits and pieces.. I remember dropping my camera for some reason, and the lens shattering into a million pieces. I must have sent it off to get repaired..” 

“Do you remember what you were feeling when it happened?”

Eileen looked down and grimaced. “Scared,” she looked back up and answered. “I was scared of something.. More scared than I’ve been of anything my entire life..”

“That might explain why you had this..” Melanie gestured to the bat.

Eileen looked over and stared at it. After a moment her eyes lit up, her expression lightened by a realization. “Yeah.. Yeah, that’s exactly why I had that..” she said. “I bought it around a week before I died.. I had some run-ins outside.. Creeps following me around to work and back.. Neighbors down the street with anti-immigrant signs I argued with once or twice..  Do you think one of them could have..?” 

Melanie looked away from the bat and back to her. “It’s possible, yeah..” she replied. “The front door lock’s been busted for a while..” She paced around the room. “That might have been what happened to it.. With enough force they could have…” Her train of thought was stopped by the sound of shaky breathing. 

Eileen was staring anxiously at the floor, her hands grasping her shoulders. Her whole body was trembling. “Hey.. Hey, look at me.. Look at me, Eileen..” she turned to her and called out softly. “I’m sorry.. This is a lot, I know.. We can stop now..”

Eileen breathed shakily and nodded. “Okay..” she exhaled.  “Okay.. Thanks, Mel..” 

“You don’t have to thank me. If anything I should be thanking you..” 

“For what..?”

“For sharing your story with me. I know it’s not easy to open up like that, especially after what you’ve been through..”

Eileen sighed and looked at the window, out somewhere far. “Sonny was the only person I was ever this honest with.. And he told me once that he hoped I’d be able to trust someone else the way I trusted him..” She turned back to Melanie. “I trust you.” 

Plenty of people had told Melanie that before, and each time she felt terrified. She was always afraid she wouldn’t live up to the words. But somehow this time she wasn’t scared. “I’m glad..” she replied. “As hard as life has been on you, you still manage to see the good in it. You deserve someone you can share that with.”

“You’re the only good I can see right now,” Eileen replied warmly, “If you weren’t here right now I don’t know what I would do..”

Melanie shrugged. “Be vengeful. Open and close drawers and cabinets. Write vaguely threatening messages on the walls.”

“You can’t just take compliments, can you?” 

“Sorry,” Melanie chuckled.

They laughed together for a moment, with the ease of a couple of highschoolers at a sleepover trading gossip. Melanie felt herself slipping. It almost scared her, the way it felt foreign and like home at the same time, but the absurdity was the comfort. Nothing about the situation made sense, so there was no pressure for her to be perfect. “Well, I should probably go to bed now,” she said, “or I’ll be the vengeful one in the morning.” 

“Go, get some rest,” Eileen giggled, “I’ll tell you if I remember anything tomorrow.”

Melanie smiled and looked deeply into her eyes, and they vanished into another white haze.

Her dream was the memory of the night she ended her relationship. Elisa’s Cove was a small, sleepy northeastern harbor town, so Melanie had a short and easy drive from her neighborhood down to the strip mall at the South end. Her then girlfriend, Alex was sitting on the sidewalk outside of the “Little Mercies” thrift store, her bright red work uniform peeking out from under her black faux leather jacket. She pulled over in front of her and unlocked the door, but Alex didn’t budge. She rolled the window down and leaned over. “Come on,” she called through it.

“You’re late. Again,” Alex called back bitterly, still looking at the ground.

Melanie sighed, threw the car into park and killed the engine. The freezing January air fought her as she stepped outside onto the road. She circled around the front of her car and leaned back against its side, grimacing at Alex while searching the vacant space around her for the right thing to say. “I’m sorry.. Julien’s concert ended later than I thought it would..” she said quietly. “Tomorrow I promise I’ll be on time, early even.” 

“I have off tomorrow,” Alex snapped.

“Right, no I meant–”

“I know what you meant, Mel. It doesn’t matter.” She dragged herself up off of the sidewalk and faced Melanie, her expression deeply bitter and distant. “You’ve been late even when you didn’t have shit going on. We both know that’s not the problem.”

The statement dug a hole in Melanie’s chest. She hated how true it was. But even more than that, she hated how she kept denying it. “Tell me what is, then,” she pushed back.

“Tch.” Alex turned away from her and looked off across the parking lot. “You don’t want to show up on time. The concert was just an excuse,” she replied matter-of-factly. “You don’t even want to see me at all, do you?”

Melanie didn’t answer. There was no point in trying to.

        “Yeah.. That’s what I thought..” Alex sniffed. “I get that working full-time means we barely see each other, but even when we do I can tell you’re still not there.”

“I don’t mean to be that way..” Melanie said, clutching her arm. 

“I know.. I know you don’t.. You still remember my birthday and how I like it lowkey, and my hyper specific drink order at the bar and you pick me up after work even though my mom can do that, and all these little things, but now it’s like you have to try to do them. And you shouldn’t have to.. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to do that stuff, and if you are, that means you’re not happy..”

Melanie looked down at the tips of her boots. “..And what if I’m not happy?” she snapped back, “I can’t always be happy, Alex! Am I not allowed to have a few shitty days out of the year?”

“It’s more than just a few shitty days, Mel!” Alex shouted into the empty parking lot. “You barely even touch me anymore..” She turned back to Melanie, her face now stained with tears and the bitterness replaced with agony. “It’s fine if you feel shitty, Mel.. It’s fine if you feel shitty about our relationship.. Just tell me that instead of making up excuses.”

There was no denying it now. A mix of ice cold air and heavy shame battered Melanie’s insides as the moment set in for her. “You’re right..” She looked away and felt the tears start to slip. “You’re right.. I’ve been lying to you and to myself and I thought I could just keep going, but you’re right..” she cried. “I want to get out of here, Alex.. Whenever we go out people look at us like we’re fucking animals, and I can’t take it anymore! I’m not as strong as you..”

“Mel–”

“No, I’m not, so don't tell me I am! Don’t try to hype me up by saying we’re fucking rebels or whatever, it doesn’t work!” Melanie screamed at the sidewalk. “It never works..”

“So tell me what I should say, then..” Alex said back to her, almost begging. “Tell me what I can do to help and make this work..” 

“You could tell me you’ll leave with me, but I know you don’t want to..” Melanie answered, wiping tears off her cheek. “I know you won’t, because leaving would be letting those assholes win and this place means too much to you to do that..” She looked slowly back up to Alex, expecting her to look furious, but what she found instead was sorrow. A look of helplessness she couldn’t look away from. “I thought it meant a lot to you too..” Alex said, looking down.

“It did..” Melanie said sadly. “But things changed.. All of our friends figured their shit out, and I got left behind..” 

“Julien still remembered you.. You went to her concert..”

“No, she didn’t.. She didn’t invite me..” 

“What..?”

Melanie pressed herself further back against the side of her car and squeezed her eyes shut. “I only knew about it because the lounge always has that big chalkboard out front with the acts and showtimes on it.. My mom saw it on the way to her book club and told me about it this morning.. Julien probably didn’t even know I was there..” She crossed her arms tightly and lowered her head. The faint buzzing of a neon sign nearby crept in slowly, bleeding through the silence. “I haven’t been invited to anything in almost a year. I just sit by and watch people going out and living in photos and videos on my feed..” she sobbed. “I’m just a ghost.. I was a ghost when you met me and I’m still a ghost now.” 

“You aren’t a ghost to me, Mel..” Alex looked her in the eyes.

“But I am a coward, right..?” Melanie said, trembling. “You’re going to watch me run away like a fucking coward..” 

“No.” Alex shook her head. “No, Mel. You’re a lot of things, not all of them good.. But you are not a coward.” 

She stared hard into Alex’s eyes. Her umber irises burned with sincerity, but the warmth and brightness of them was somewhere far out of her reach, and as she backed away they faded even further back into the abyss. “You should go home.. Don’t worry about me..” Alex said, wiping her cheeks with her sleeve. “You were honest with me.. And that’s all I wanted..”

“Okay..”

She opened her eyes and breathed. Her cheeks felt damp, but she ignored them and dragged herself out of her layers of blankets. Eileen was sitting at the desk in front of the window, the early morning light behind her outlining her translucent form. “Hey.. Are you okay..?” she asked with a worried look.

“It was just a bad dream..” Melanie started towards the bathroom, but stopped at the door and looked back at Eileen. “I’m okay.. I’ve had it before.” she said to her. “I’ll see you after work.” 

“Okay..” Eileen replied.