The Cosmic Chronicle Issue 1

Welcome Day Two (Monday the 9th), January, 5127 EY : 10031 KY : 910 BY

Presented by Longmonkey Entertainment LLC

Created by Rezuk “Terkezu” E~T of Bor

Written by Gohf “Hug Loaf” Ula and Zerux “Pulitzer Sux” Opulit; 

Edited by Ellyani “Yams in Le Logs” Mogs

Welcome, astute reader! This is the first issue of the rebranded “Daily Spill” paper, now known as The Cosmic Chronicle! We employ old readers to please stick around, and any new readers, please feel free to follow us on StarTube and feel free to give us a donation on Ekannace.wcw if you learned something new or want to support us financially- we are a non-profit publication trying to get unfiltered media to the masses after all!

As this is our first issue, we will gladly give a tour of our layout in the table of contents below:

• Introduction (What you just read!)

• The Informant (This is where important information about the universe at large is discussed as we get it in.)

• Exploring the Stars (This is where our researchers and sources attempt to explain common things that some may not be covered well in major media outlets such as “The Quasite Express” or “Paragon Today”.)

• The Peoples’ Illustration (A side paper written entirely by our editor Ms. Mogss that detail interesting people and their stories across the cosmos.)

The Informant

Written by Gohf “Hug Loaf” Ula

The universe has been under some crazy stuff recently folks! I have three big stories for you today that are guaranteed to blow your socks off! One involving the two biggest PH’s of the day, another recapping “The Daily Spill’s” last issue about the Coppertank-Front scandal, and the last detailing the insides of an avid “Being Believer” and his theories for the end of all life.

1. Recently, the biggest Planet-Hopper of our day, Mama Dirigible, and her arch rival King Cobra has begun another heated debate! Mama, in an apparent fit of anger at King’s insurance for her cooperation, has destroyed the ship of the latest courier he had sent. With lack of a better term, King Cobra is “pissed”, and  has told many sources that he will, in quote, “Eliminate her entire empire from the top down, starting with her daughters and ending with even her puniest supporter.” When pressed on the issue, Mama ignored all inquiries and even threatened to gun down another reporter from the Monthly Gazette, though these allegations have yet to be proven true.

2. If our older readers remember, on the planet Coppertank in Solstace-5, a terrible underground trafficking had been uncovered by an anonymous source and published here first for all to see. Sadly, it seems as if the situation has gotten worse. The United Front has continued to deny any involvement in the entire operation, despite numerous accounts and evidence being put forth. In light of this however, the Congress of Coppertank (which is out of the United Front’s influence) has begun to arrest people associated with the operations, though progress is slow, and bound to get slower as Prime Minister Kexinox has begun to use his power to pardon perpetrators accused and found guilty. Time only tells how much this issue can get resolved before the Worlds’ Coalition gets involved in yet another United Front conflict.

3. In a smaller story than usual, a local Delta-2 man known to the public only as “Cake Guy” has begun to warn of the end of times on the streets of his home town of Westex. Normally this would not warrant such a potent part of the Chronicle, however “Cake Guy” has been seen allegedly performing miraculous acts amongst the populace, citing the source of his power as the ever so elusive “being” known as Crafty Red. This has caused several people, including the Delta-2 government, to follow his movements closely. “Cake Guy” has been researched by Ms. Mogs and will be discussed further in The Peoples’ Illustration.

Exploring the Stars

Written by Zerux “Pulitzer Sux” Opulit

Welcome to Exploring the Stars. My name is Zerux Opulit, but you may call me Dr. Zo. In this introductory issue of The Cosmic Chronicle, I shall be delivering only the most basic of information as I have not had many sources comment on our correctness, or lack thereof, yet. Please, sit back and enjoy the trivia provided below.

What is a Borman?

The Bormen (bore-men) are a species of rock based golems created at the end of the War in the Stars by one Dr. Richard Speare. They were initially intended to be mindless killing drones, but the initial batch Dr. Speare created ended up gaining their own sentience from the energy he embedded into them. Because of this, he abandoned them on the wasteland planet of Bor where they evolved and developed their own civilization independently, and where the majority of Bormen still live.

What is a Kelk?

The Kelks are a race of Warcraters that evolved seperately on the planet of Kelkyeon (Kelk-yawn). Where Warcraters have large, bony wing-like protuberances on the sides of their head, Kelks have large, container-like earlobes that they evolved to help track down prey and water sources. Their skin tones range from a bright leaf green to a mid tone brown- both used to camoflogue themselves in the Kelkish jungles. Their noses bend into their skulls rather than protruding out, with a flap of skin hanging over it, since on Kelkyeon many deadly plants and animals used killer smells to take down threats. Kelks use this skin to plug up their noses to prevent the deadly effects from hitting them. Outside of Kelkyeon, their population has become one of the largest in the universe, rivaled only by the... Earthmen... and Steampunks.

What is a Steampunk?

        Steampunks are a species of amphibian bipedal peoples from the planet Xi'Ill (Xee-eel). They are known as Steampunks because their home planet is covered in water and underwater volcanoes that pump steam across the surface of the planet. In order to evolve in these harsh climates, their gills have been honed to breath steam like water, and their backsides covered in a heat retardant coat that helps protect them from the scorching tempuratures from the surface. As you can imagine, this environment is not very welcoming for visitors, so when they began to develop for interstellar travel, they set up flying ports in the skies, taking in the steamy geothermal energy from below to power their hovering. The most noticable thing about the Steampunks are the reletively large dorsal fins on their heads and their tails. Evolved to help swim through water and kill their prey respectively, they serve no real purpose now, but they have not been seen as disadvantageous by nature, so they continue to be born with them.

What is an Earthman?

Earthmen are a species originating from the planet known to them as “Earth”, but known to pretty much everyone else as “That speck of dirt”. They are so insignificant that I fail to find the proper words to describe them, and for that I am very apologetic. My work as a journalist is not poor, I assure you, but Earthmen are so unremarkable that they are but a mere footnote in our society, despite what Mama Dirigible and current Cosmic Emperor Bobby DeShane have tried to accomplish. 

The Peoples’ Illustration

Written by Ellyani “Yams in Le Logs” Mogs

Hello, my name is Ellyani Mogs! As an avid sociologist, I travel around the globe looking for unique people and stories to tell. Here are a few figures I found notable in my travels as of recent.

Ludo (Loo-doe) -

Ludo is a Borman from the planet Bor, at the age of 26, with a height of 7’5” and weight of ~600 lbs. Known around the streets as one of the best mechanics on Bor, he was a member of the Emerald Tribe, an old gang located in the largest city on the planet, Sunport. He is currently in the Sunport City Prison, being held on one count of first degree murder and 3 counts of possession of illicit weapons. He currently has no Shine ability.

Rezuk Zunzak (Res-uck Sun-sack) -

Rezuk is a Kelk who was raised most of his life on the planet Bor, at the age of 18, height of 6’ and weight of ~110 lbs. Before being locked up in prison, he created the then blog known as “The Daily Spill” where he would publicize information presented by whistleblowers and other figures anonymously for free. He is currently in the Sunport City Prison, being held on a charge of domestic terrorism. His Shine ability to create the makmas of people around him, it currently has no name.

Cairo Abdullah Anas Jalid (Kai-roh Ab-dull-la An-as Jeh-lead) -

Cairo is an Earthman from Earth’s satellite Sandra (aka the Moon), at the age of 40, height of 5’8” and weight of ~160 lbs. He is a member of Dante Aglow’s Planet-Hopping crew with an established bounty of ¢10,000 (10,000 credits or 1,000 USD), and is the negotiator of the group. His Shine ability is currently unknown.

Meilin (May-lin) -

Meilin is a Borman from the planet Bor, at the age of 24, height of 6’2” and weight of ~360 lbs. She was the girlfriend of Ludo, and dumped him for some reason currently unknown. When they were dating she gave him the beetle pendant he wears now, which has abilities neither of them truly knew about. She currently has no Shine Ability.

Cake Guy -

Icarus Swine, known by the public as “Cake Guy”, is a native of Delta-2 in the Cochrane system. He is the age of 31, height of 5’6”, and weight of ~70 lbs. He has been known by his family and friends to be somewhat crazy, always talking about a girl in his dreams that he knew he could get with “if only he was stronger”. Off the record his mother, Shea Swine, has said “I believe he has killed someone. I don’t know who, hopefully not that pretty girl that ran away a few years ago, but he’s definately killed someone.” Sheesh! What a thing to label your son as, but is it truly wrongfully said? Cake guy has now allegedly made a deal with several mythical creatures, Crafty Red now only being the most recent acquisition. How true are the words he says? Only time, and lots of federal investigation, will tell. 

Crafty Red -

Crafty Red is an unknown entity with no known location. Age, weight and height are unknown and ever changing. According to legend, it lives inside people's consciousness and makes deals with them for mutual benefit, but no one really knows what its game is. It likely does it simply for amusement. In order for it to enter your consciousness you must allow its entrance, either with a weak will or by summoning it directly. Its abilities are vast and unknown, though it can make deals that allegedly work no matter their conditions and results. 

“The Art God” -

“The Art God” is an unknown entity with no known location. Age, weight and height are unknown and ever changing. It is said that the paintings it paints are the most beautiful things you will ever witness, nearly hypnotizing you with their charm. Its abilities are unknown.

(Extra!) Shine -

A source of energy embedded in all living things, only able to be controlled by sentient beings. Not much is known now, but it's known to be shapeable by things able to control it. It comes in several colors, ranging across the visible light spectrum from the deepest red to the darkest violet. 

Thank you for your time reading The Cosmic Chronicle. It means a lot to us that you chose us over the other options out there. If you wouldn’t mind, we also managed to secure a sponsor for this issue- Longmonkey Entertainment LLC. They are a firm specialized in film and online video, with hundreds of creators and distributors under their wing. Recently they have opened their own streaming service, “Longmonkey Zed”, which you can get 3 months free from by sending the bottom slip of this physical paper to them via light mail with your details, or by scanning the code below and following the steps. Doing this will tell them we sent you, and support us plenty, even without a donation. 

Thank you for your time!