During my sixth grade year, rumors about the new fourteen-year-old eight grade transfer student started popping up like wildfire. His name was Ryu. The girls thought he was hot, but the boys cowered in his wake. He was tall, muscular, had dark red hair with a black undercut...nothing about him was inviting. No one dared to look his direction with fear of a beating. Not even the bullies who tormented me wanted anything to do with him...it was as if he was a king in our world.

However, each day I noticed scars on his face...as if he came from a hard life. That or he was constantly getting in fights, but he did come from money. Or at least I could tell that from the nice car that dropped him off at school and the buff guys who would surround him as if he was a celebrity. 

I never really interacted with him because we were in different grades...plus he always had a pack of girls following him around like leeches. That was something that never happened to me...even boys would try and get on his good graces which only seemed to piss him off. That's when I began to realize that he loved more than anything to be in peace and quiet.

That's how I met him...in the library. I was a loner...even till this day I don't have someone I'd call a true friend. So much happened at home, the bruises that lined my body were gawked at...and my appearance was...not the most flattering. So, I would hide away in the library to draw during recess. I noticed Ryu there...day after day, just sleeping in the corner. I initially thought he just never was able to afford time to sleep at home...or maybe he was just bored to be in a classroom.

I don't know what got over me...but one day I decided to draw him. I wanted to capture him in secret, but that was short lived. I was too distracted to notice he woke up and didn't realize he was behind me. He grabbed my notebook and scowled, towering over me.

"What is this?"

"Uh...um...I...I was just..."

"Do you get off drawing people when they sleep?"

I didn't get what he meant and just looked at him with a dumfounded look.

"I...I just..." I trailed, realizing I was embarrassed, "wanted to capture the moment."

"What the hell does that even mean?!" 

"You just seemed happy...."

"What?"

"Um...you just don't seem that happy when you're at school..."

"Ha, now you're spying on me?" He spat, sticking the notebook in my face.

"No...I...please...please don't hurt me..."

Ryu looked hard at me then, using his free hand to comb back his hair in frustration as he sighed.

"I'm not...never mind," he said, dropping the notebook in front of me. "Just ask people for permission next time."

That day I felt like I escaped death, but that wasn't the last time we met.

In-between his naps, Ryu would get up and peek over my shoulder as I drew. At first, he wouldn't say anything and just end up leaving, but then he began to sit beside me and watch. It made me nervous that he was that close.

"Why are you here every day drawing?"

"I..."

I have nowhere else to go.

"It helps take my mind off things...I guess."

"What things?"

"My...why are you here every day sleeping?"

Ryu sighed, annoyed, "answer my question and you may get an answer."

I looked up at him then, looking into his coy sea-green eyes. Their mesmerizing stare made me shy away. He actually was an attractive person up close...it made sense why the girls were always on him. However, he didn't seem so scary anymore...now that I was used to his presence. 

"Just...just life at home." I ended up saying.

I hadn't really mentioned that to anyone before now.

"That bad?"

I looked back at my notebook. I was drawing a boy caught in the hands of a monster, yelling...just as I had done for many years.

"Yea..."

"Hmm," Ryu said, pawing my notebook away from me, "mines not that great either."

I perked up at that, "Really?"

"Yea."

Maybe...maybe that's where the scars on his face came from...his family?

"Does your artwork make the demons go away?"

"Yes...for a time," I started, "but I'm not drawing them for me."

Ryu looked at me then, wondering.

"I'm drawing them for those who don't have a voice...so they can confront their demons."

I felt a little shy after saying that...realizing I was probably rambling like an idiot, but Ryu didn't take his eyes off me. It was almost as if he could relate.

"What's your name?"

"Um...Niko...Niko Mori."

"Mmm...."

He got up, putting his hand on my head: rustling my curls.

"Ryu Taichi...and you know what, Niko. I think one day that your art will change the world."

I was so shaken by it, hell even mesmerized by his kindness. After that day, I waited on the bell to ring just so I could see him in the library for recess. We would talk about art and spend time together and the closer we got, the more I felt my heart pound. We'd talk about our lives at home, if I was bruised or beaten, he'd get supplies to clean and bandage my wounds. I even had to persuade him to not go knock down my parent’s door. One day, when I cried my eyes out, he comforted me and held me until I had no tears left to give. 

To me, it wasn’t just friendly affection...it was love.

The first day I saw him laugh...finally seeing a smile appear on his face...I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Just being with him made me want to continue living…want to continue seeing his face. And that was enough for me…and that was the first day I kissed him. 

I expected him to pull away, but over my artwork, he kissed me back. I thought that meant that he was mine...and I was his.

But, a month before his graduation, he was escorted away by the police. I kept calling his name until he finally looked at me. All he did was smile as tears streamed down my eyes, mouthing "it's going to be ok", but it wasn't.

"N&R!" I shouted at him, until he was pushed into a patrol car.

"N&R, Ryu! Don't forget it!"

 Ryu got in a fight with another boy...it was so bad that the boy was put on life support. Rumor had it that the boy was making fun of me and Ryu was defending me...and since then I lost sleep worrying about him. I asked where he was countless times to no avail. I waited and waited...thinking one day he'd show up at the library again, but he never did.

So, to remember him...and to hold onto his words, I started adding "N&R" to my drawings. I had hoped that one day he would look at it and know that it was me. That he would find me again, someway...somehow and that we could be together like we were in middle school.

I loved him, day after day...year after year...and I had hoped that still loved me too.