“Kaito! look at this! You absolutely should look at this!” Yuuta screeches as soon as Kaito enters the classroom.

“Tone it down, Yuu. Let me sleep before the teacher come” Kaito pulls his chair sluggishly. Yuuta’s energy explosion is too much for him now.

 “Hikaru chan got to number 1 again! Last night her voting dropped. I almost couldn't sleep last night! thank god she’s back to number 1 in the last minute” Shoving his phone screen to Kaito’s face to show his favourite trainee in the survival show which quite become a hot topic on television. If he’s not mistaken it’s called ‘Girl’s planet’ or something. Kaito remembers because his sister used to beg their parents so she could participate in that show – not she even passed the audition in the end which was not surprising – no one would let a gangster hiding in a young girl's body dance all pretty and cute but ready to murder her brother when she was home.

“Good for her,” Kaito sighs, gets his bag to the table, and rests his head on top of that.

“Boo~, you’re such a killjoy!” Yuuta huffs, annoyed “Here, look at her last performance, she was totally badass! she’s more suitable for a girl crush image, don’t you think?!”

“YUUTA! YOU WATCHED THE LAST PERFORMANCE!???” Another obnoxious voice comes from the door that the slide opens harshly, the loud bam jolts Kaito up, and even the girls in the class, who are in the middle of gossiping also roll their eyes irritatingly. “GODDAMMIT! Rinka chan was really freaking cute in a white dress! Are you kidding me?! that should be a crime! you hear me?! crime!” Haruki grabs Yuuta’s shoulder to shake it violently, crashing on Kaito’s desk while he almost gets a second round of good sleep before the teacher arrives.

“SHUT UP YOU JACKASS! My Hikaru chan was the cutest! I won’t cheat on her!” Yuuta fires back with unnecessary determination, as if someone actually insults his girlfriend - well, maybe he is - in his imagination, that’s it.

/What the hell these idiots fighting about?/

“Oy! Shut the hell up! you both are noisy!” Hana, one of the girls part of the gossip group, calls out. Despite screaming from the other side of the room, she doesn’t look actually infuriated. “No matter how many votes you both gave, none of them would be your girlfriend, ya know?” She jokingly teases them.

Her remark makes Kaito interested to also tease both of his friends, he lifts his head to laugh with some girls who watch these two fanboys' fanatic antics. There his eyes meet the two round eyes who also watch the entire scene and amusedly laugh.

“Oh, Hana-ko san~ you don’t have the right to say that when your room is covered with Korean boy band posters!” Haruki banters with a smug smirk which rises up on the corner of his lips. Intentionally using Hana’s nickname - Hanako - the urban legend of a female ghost who lives in the school toilet. People start calling her that because whenever she excused herself to the toilet she would always return half an hour later. Female’s problem she claimed. However, Kaito once caught her kissing her boyfriend on the rooftop. Not he cares, though.

Hana grabs a bundle of papers from her table, rolls it into a long and firm stick, and jokingly hits Haruki with annoyance.

On the couple seats across from him, Ren also laughs, covering his mouth with his small hand, eyes disappearing between his round cheeks. His contagious laughter infected some people from different classes who were flocking around him.

/Who the hell are they?/ There’s no rule to forbid students from different classes from entering this one. It just generally bothers Kaito to find more people in this already loud space. He just wants to sleep for heaven's sake!

Speaking about Ren, Kaito couldn’t sleep last night because he keeps thinking about Ren; he knows his secret.

Not just a trivial and childish secret, this secret can change the whole perspective about the perfection of Ren Hasegawa, and this can affect how people treat him. Ren perhaps has buried this deeply and he must have no idea that one of his classmates actually knows.

Knows without his consent.

Kaito mulled over his self-guilt for hours last night. He couldn't rest his eyes, even for a blink. He should know this is the price he should pay for eavesdropping on someone’s private conversation, he’s at fault for this. But no matter how much he blames himself, Kaito can’t bring himself to apologise.

Kaito’s laughs die down. He sinks his face back into his bag, groaning, frustrated. 

/He said he likes boys. Seriously tho, what does it mean? Could it be that he prefers hanging out with boys? But, to suddenly say that after being confessed to - that doesn’t fit the context. Did Ren mean ‘like’ is actually like a romantic feeling between a girl and a boy? But he said he likes boys. Isn’t that what people call gay? Do those people really exist? I thought that only happened in BL comics and drama. Does Japan have people like them in society too? Why I never heard of them on TV or in the newspaper.  Ah, I don’t know! This makes my head hurt!/

Kaito decides the best resort, for now, is to keep feigning oblivious. He accidentally heard Ren’s conversation but he also never intended to babble his mouth to someone else - that should be enough right? No one would be harmed. Kaito nods; agrees with his own thoughts.

“You both should really get a real girlfriend, like seriously,” Asahi, who just joined the conversation, sits on the empty chair in front of Kaito’s desk. That should be Hana’s desk but girls seem already gossiping on the front line and making her own group with other girls. and without Kaito realising, the boys also already make a big circle near his desk.

/Why does everyone in this class like gossiping, geez…/

“Not everyone can get a girlfriend easily like you Asahi,” Masao snickers. “You change girlfriends every week. Was that a girlfriend or a cell phone provider?” Barks of laughter erupted from the others.

“Speaking of girlfriend, a girl from the next class confessed to me yesterday,” Haruki jumps and plops his ass on Kaito's desk; /this little shit/

“Bet she will regret it as soon as she gets home,” Kaito retorts and gains a loud guffaw from the other boys.

Haruki punches his shoulder lightly. “Listen asshole, we are a couple now! We are even already on a first-name basis!” he puffs his chest proudly and is satisfied when everyone gasps in surprise. “Kaito, we should have a double date later. My girlfriend is Miyawaki’s friend. You should immediately date her, Hina-chan said Miyawaki has already liked you; she just waits until you confess. Don’t tell me you don’t realise. How can you be so dense, dude” Haruki suggests with his signature boxy grin plastered widely on his face. He must be proud for realising something that Kaito might not realise.

 Kaito just shrugs nonchalantly. His eyes accidentally dart on Ren, who has been listening to their conversation silently, his gaze dropping to his lap.

He laughs when everyone laughs, but is he genuinely interested in this conversation?

They’re talking about girls while Ren - has said that he – is interested in boys rather than girls, he can’t join the conversation because he can’t relate to them and it’ll be awkward to suddenly talk about the boys he likes. 

If it’s Kaito, he probably will get stunned for a while but trying to understand, it has nothing to do with him, to begin with.

He never actually met a guy who likes another guy, and even more, he never really knows the reason why they choose the same gender to love with. It is obviously easier if they just follow the majority to be with the opposite sex, so why do they choose a harder path?

“What? you’re dating Higuchi-san?” Yuuta guests in exaggerated astonishment. Haruki just giggles as the sign of Yuuta’s guest hits the bullseye.

“Cute, slim, tall - Hina Higuchi? really?!” Masao’s eyes pop with disbelief, there's a flare of jealousy in there. “You lucky bastard! what lie you pulled out to flatter her, tell me!” Trapping Haruki’s head inside his muscular arm for a headlock, Haruki pinches Masao’s stomach to send him away.

“Our little Haruki now has grown up!” Asahi hails loudly as if the chief, who presented little Simba to the whole villagers and everyone instantly cheers for him.

Everyone is laughing except Ren.

He just plays with the tip of his tie while giving a faint smile, even a small smile from him distinctly too fabricated. Kaito used to hate those kinds of people; they’re who can’t say no to others, laughing just to put ease to people, not because he is sincerely happy or interested. Why do people have to fake the most human expression like a smile? Kaito can never be understood.

But, if Kaito is trying to put himself in Ren's shoes, can he be more open and honest? how far does he believe that all of the friends who sit and laugh with him right now - won’t turn their back on him as soon as knowing his greatest secret?

He has no courage to do so and it must be a thousand times harder for Ren.

“Oy you fools! how dare you all brag about having one girlfriend in front of Ren!” Benji, the nerd who volunteered himself to be the vice class president - helping Ren in his task, suddenly sits on Ren's desk. Ren’s face clearly shocks, his eyes wide open after Benji's sudden remark and without him noticing Kaito’s body also grows tenser; is he aware? “Don’t you know how many girls have confessed to him, he even has his own Fanclub. Ren tells him how many Ex’s you got in the school until now?” 

Kaito sighs in relief as well as Ren, Benji’s eyes glint with humour but his smile is still kind and polite. He means no harm, just simply nudges a sensitive topic without him realising it.

Benji always has this weird admiration for Ren. Never he missed a chance to declare that he will beat Ren in school rank whenever he found his name always in the second one while Ren steadily owned the first place every semester. He might think of Ren as a rival in his study but he never took it in a negative way. Benji never doubts praising Ren without any hint of jealousy but he never loses the ambition to win against him either.

Now Kaito thinks about that, despite his thick glasses and dimwit appearance that will make any bullies itch to pick on him - Benji is quite an admirable guy himself. That’s a good personality people should have. Though, Kaito would never understand what Benji and Ren rivalling about - fusing about first rank in school while Kaito’s parents even cry in joy as long as he was not in the last. 

“Ah right!” Haruki slaps his own forehead like he is just remembering something “No wonder you didn’t say anything Ren-Kun!” Haruki whines, Haruki and Ren are pretty close - they were going to the same middle school. Kaito wonders if Haruki has an idea about his close friend's sexuality “You’re mocking me aren't you?!” He accuses dramatically “I keep whining about having a girlfriend to him while he gets girls in line to talk to him only. Is this the curse of having a popular friend?” Haruki dramatically monologues, pretending to wipe off the imaginary tear.

“Shut up, you are exaggerating! People will get the wrong idea!” Ren banters jokingly, his face is more relaxed now.

“Ren, who's your girlfriend now? I heard a girl from the first year confess to you yesterday” Clueless Yuuta asks him and Kaito chokes with his own saliva. /Why do all of my friends have to be this freaking dense?!/

“Oh.. umm…I-” Ren scratches his neck awkwardly “I rejected her,” he said quietly with zero confidence.

/Not you too! If you have a ton of secrets, at least be good at lying!/ Kaito almost snaps his pencil into two due to pent-up frustration.

“Oh shoo.. really? why?” Asahi adds and Kaito has this close to shoves his pencil box to his friend’s mouth /Read the situation for god’s sake!!!/

Ren is clearly not comfortable with the questions - why can’t they see it? or is it just Kaito who notices his discomfort?

“Why you’re so worked up about it,” Kaito blurts out without him being able to stop himself “Ren’s plate is already full, he’s not a slacker like you all, he got a lot to do rather than fusing about childish relationships” 

His mouth fires bullets faster than his brain is processing. When he snaps back to reality and finds his friend looking at him wonder-struck; Kaito prays he’s just a micro amoeba and disappears in the air.

He’s accustomed to always voicing his thoughts - he’s not the type to bottle up his annoyance. At first, he thought that was a good trait. But now his mouth might bring disaster upon himself.

‘Wh- what?!” He snaps at his friends to cover his embarrassment. He braces himself to look in Ren’s direction, his pink plump lips parted and his bright eyes staring at him in wonder, their eyes meet for a couple of seconds before Ren breaks his gaze first and ducks his head almost in a coy manner.

/Huh? He is not suspicious, isn’t he?/

“This is the first time I heard you talk to Ren,” Yuuta exclaims with his usual hyperbola expression that Kaito swears he has a hard time not to punch it away. His prying eyes that look at him suspiciously are so damn annoying. Kaito prefers listening to his ramble about the ‘Girl’s planet’ or whatever.

“What the hell are you saying? I talked to everyone!” Kaito defends himself - too aggressively than he intended to. Yet when he looks at Ren’s eyes that seem a bit sad, Kaito's earlier confidence crumbles into dust; /Am I never actually talking to him?/ 

Then, when Kaito thinks about it again, he never really pays attention to Ren before he knows about his secret, he just sees him as their class president, nothing more, nothing less. 

Because Ren is so perfect; clever, diligent, overachiever - he just seems untouchable. And for someone as laid-back and carefree as himself - Kaito always thinks they won't be compatible as friends. So he never really makes a move to befriend him. “Oy guys! you make me sound like an asshole” Kaito sighs.

Masao snorts “Not an asshole, but you should do something with your stony face, you give a scary vibe ya know?”

“Scary??! Me?!” Kaito inquired with utter incredulity. He’s not a bully. He even managed to hold himself for not throwing punches no matter annoying his friends are. He should get an award for that kind of patience.

Asahi brushed his chin, genuinely thinking. “Not scary. What Do you call it? err… what’s the word…”

“Unapproachable” Someone answers on his behalf and when Kaito turns his head; It’s Ren.

So he thinks Ren is untouchable because he’s so perfect and Ren thinks he’s unapproachable; with that, they never actually be friends, let alone talk.

Kaito knows he doesn’t obligate to feel bad. So what if they never be friends? But somehow the brick weighted on his guilty conscience becomes heavier. /Dammit Ren! This is all your fault!