Chapter 20

“Would you like to learn?” I blurt out, avoiding meeting Ven’s gaze. I always seem to find it hard to look away, when I look at those dark eyes.

“To play the piano? You overestimate my abilities, Vic,” the Lord says playfully, his hand still holding mine. It feels nice, holding hands with Ven. 

“I’ll teach you something simple?” I suggest hopefully, gently squeezing his hand. Ven stares down at our hands for a moment before slowly bringing our hands up, like he intends to kiss the back of mine. And then he abruptly lets go of my hand and hastily walks over to the piano stool, his face turned away from me. Trying not to feel disappointed, I carefully sit down on the stool next to him.

“Place your right hand here, and arch it slightly. Imagine fitting a small mouse or something underneath your palm - you wouldn’t want to crush the mouse, so give it plenty of space,” I instruct, watching as Ven arches his hand slightly. He finally turns to look at me again, any signs of awkwardness long gone from his expression. “Why a little mouse?”

I shrug, fiddling with a strand of my hair. “They’re cute. And fluffy.” The Lord raises his eyebrows, that soft smile back on his features. “They are indeed,” he says simply, turning his attention back to the keys in front of him.

Placing my right hand on the keys an octave down, I play three notes and Ven copies them a moment after. We spend some time on a simple little tune with just the right hand, and then I begin to teach Ven the left hand part. 

“This is hard,” he lets out a little huff of amusement after mixing up his hands for a third time when he tries to play both parts at once. Nodding, I smile lightly. “Bringing it all together is always the hardest part, but also the most satisfying. I’ll play the left hand, you play the right. Listen to how the melody sounds with the accompanying hand.”

We play the piece together for a little longer until Ven is ready to give it a try on his own again. “See? You’re getting the hang of it now,” I praise, nudging Ven’s shoulder lightly with my own. He glances over at me, his smile slightly shy before it falters.

“Listen, about…about earlier,” he says quietly, turning to look away for a moment. “I’m sorry for acting rashly.”

Sitting perfectly still for a moment, I try to figure out what he means. Does he think that if he had kissed my hand, it would have been a step too far? 

“It’s fine, Ven. I wasn’t uncomfortable,” I say honestly, gently placing my hand on his arm. “Were you uncomfortable?”

Ven looks over at me, slowly dragging his eyes up to meet mine. He looks…hopeful? 

“No. I’m never uncomfortable around you, Tevic.”

I can’t stop the smile from resting on my lips. “That’s how I feel, too.”

We hold each other’s gaze for a moment before Ven breaks the eye contact as he stares intently down at the piano keys instead. “I’m never uncomfortable, but sometimes…sometimes I catch myself, and I realise-“ he falters, wiping a hand down his face and letting out a sigh. “I realise that you’re the only person I would say that I- that I actually trust. And that’s terrifying.”

Leaning forwards, I rest my head on his shoulder. “I know. I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel so relaxed and I- I forget that fear, for a moment. And then it comes crashing back down and I have the urge to put up all my walls again, and seclude myself.”

Ven gently places his hand over mine where it rests on his arm. “You’ve already come such a long way, Vic. It’s scary, for both of us, but…we’re getting there,” he whispers as I move my hand to lace my fingers through his.

I like holding his hand.

“And it’s a silly fear that I have,” he continues softly, his voice low and calming but strangely raw as well. “Even if you did somehow betray me, it’s not as if there is much you could really do. You could hurt me, but you couldn’t kill me, so…I don’t even know what I’m afraid of.” Ven lets out a quiet sigh as he rests his head against mine.

“I couldn’t hurt you even if I tried. I would never betray you, Venciv.” I know that there’s not much point to saying the words, but sometimes - sometimes it can help, nevertheless.

“Thank you,” he whispers, holding my hand tenderly. “I will never hurt or betray you either, and I will always protect you and those dear to you. No matter what.” Ven shifts slightly so that he can wrap his arm around me but leave our other hands still together.

“I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever-“ my breath hitches but I force myself to finish the sentence. “If I’ll ever be able to fully trust you. I think I’ll always be scared and I hate that. I don’t want to be scared anymore,” I whisper, letting go of Ven’s hand in favour of hugging him properly. The Lord gently strokes my back, holding me reassuringly.

“I know. It’s so exhausting being scared all the time. But maybe one day, we won’t have to be scared anymore.”

Even if the King dies, and even if Lyon is Jack and he dies too…it won’t change much for Ven and I. We will have our revenge, but our trauma will still be imprinted deeply into our hearts. But I do think that closure will help us both.

Which is why I hope that Lyon has Jack’s soul. I want that closure more than anything else. More than just being able to say that Jack is gone for good.

I just want to know why.

Why did he do all that to me? 

Why?

“I'll kill the king for you myself,” I say determinedly, gripping onto Ven’s shirt. We still haven’t really spoken about what happened to Ven and the aftermath, but I know some of it from an objective perspective thanks to the story.

“Thank you. I’ll kill that bratty princess regardless, but if Lyon has that piece of shit’s soul then I shall have no qualms in ending his life as well,” Ven strokes through my hair, his words fearsome but comforting to me nonetheless.

We haven’t spoken about my time with Agnaria, either. 

Like I said before, we don’t tend to talk much at all. In fact, we’ve spoken more today than we have in quite some time. I feel close to Ven most of the time regardless, because of our frequent little touches and smiles and silent companionship. But it’s times like these, when we both let our walls crack for just a moment, that are so precious to me.