I eyed the pills, greeted with a pair of dry, blue specks

Looking right back

They were so small, they were so insignificant

They were so

Dry

This will help

This will make me better, make me happier

After I let it enter me and become part of me

It will make me better

I just have to

The touch was nothing between the tips

Of my fingers, they grazed the sky-blue surface

Like holding a couple of tiny

Baby

Teeth

The thing settles there, in the moist abode

Under my tongue

Sucking up the saliva

Starting their process

This will make me better

A serving of water

Not too much, now

We don’t want to have

Trouble

Going down your throat

It swam like a fish

Caught up in a current

I felt it hit the walls

Threatening

It was a bomb, waiting

I jostle around, throwing the little fishy

Around

And around

And around

And

My throat won’t move, it won’t let it through

It’s stubborn, stuck

In a dark tank

Dissolving its skin

Suffocating it

Then it was gone

The trace passed by

Finally the fish made its way down

Down

Down

It left a gift, that powdery, foreign

Taste

It brought a shudder

Shiver

Shock

And my eyes land back

On the one

Blue

Mate

Still left behind

The moon came and went

The same dance it always did

And those two tiny twins

Stared me down

Pulled me in

I know I’ll get better

It will soon come with ease

I just

Don’t

Know

But the others want me to

They want the best for me

The help means no intent

To harm

Or to scare

The same

Slow

Shuffle

Takes the speck right down

Down

And I thought it was the end

I did everything I had to

Yet there it was

Pressing

Pressing into my throat in a deep dark crevice

It will go away just

Wash it down with this

The same slightly

Cool-ish

Liquid, this would do the trick

But it’s still stuck

No worries

Don’t fret

Just eat another more

Eat it quick

So the tablet fimbles fumbles

In my quiver-quakey hands

Say a prayer

Drown it out

Make it go away

The fish is a persistent one

It doesn’t want

To leave

It seems

It seems it’s staying

The tossing back and forth

Of the head

And the fish

And the mouth

And the

Oh no

It’s here

What is it

It’s

It’s ugly and stabbing and

The trembling sensation

Shoots right into my brain

My body

Doesn’t

Like it

The taste

The horrible

Putrid

Taste

Leaking into my gums

The gate into my stomach is sealed

Tighter than ever

No one gets in

They only

Go out

The icky

Gross

Feeling creeped

Aggressively

And beat at the doors

I allow its sweet escape

Down

Down

Down

The drain

The swirl of

Blue

White

Bubbling and powdery

Spit

Sits and gives off quite the stench

It glares into my gaze

Mocking my

Sad

Feeble attempt

The sickening taste overtakes

My body starts to quake

It’s the worst

Thing

I could ever imagine

All from one little fishy

It appeared so blue

So friendly

So small

So stupidly, insanely small

Yet when closed off in the

Sensitive

Nerve-filled

Cave

It

It felt like a rock

A stone

A huge hunk of dirt that just

Wouldn’t

Go down

The texture and the feeling persisted

They gnaw at my very core

I’m almost brought

To tears

But the pills smell weakness

Cold, refreshing rivers

Tore down my throat but

It stayed

It bit

At every sensor it could find

Nothing satisfies its

Rabid

Hunger

Its territorial front

It takes over every sense and drowns

And then they say

You have to take another

It won’t work

You won’t get better

You need to do it again

But the fear

The excruciating

Debilitating

Fear

That something will go wrong

Now my jaw glues shut and

I’m left shivering

Fighting spasms of

Ick

And disgust

But I have to do it again

All

Over

Again

Until the little blue devil resides with its friend

The feeling’s gone away

But not quickly

And the memory

Hacks at my brain

Makes me remember the dryness

This ordeal has

Begun to tire me

The shapes keep changing

But the fear

Never leaves

With a more trained body

Used to the vile dryness

The fear has

Subsided

Slightly

But every day

Every bright beautiful morning

It inches back

With those pale blue eyes

Smiling at me

Sometimes it wins

It scares me away

I stow them for later and

Say I will go through

I mean to go through

But the taste comes back

It squeezes my conscience

And the little

Specks

Give off this

This strange

Wholesome

Odor

That almost

Reminds me of something good

It’s faint

And dry

And incredibly fake, but

It gives me hope

Perhaps

The smell now lives

Quite comfortably

It’s made itself at

Home

But I’m beginning to tire

It used to give off a faint

Sweet smelling smell

That kind that reminds you of

Being a kid and

Invites you in

Now it laughs in your face

With its mocking sneer

Saying

You’ll always be too weak

You really thought you could get better

And the dry, white powder

Sticks to my tongue

Giving that nauseating

Smell and that

Soul-crushing taste.